Just another thought on the FB thing - I don't think you need to delete him, but definitely stop checking on him. What if you took a break from FB and deactivated for a bit? I don't think that's being a victim. I've done this before and it gave me a lot of needed mental space b/c I wasn't worried about checking up on everyone constantly. Those that needed to get a hold of me know how to do that. You could send a message to others letting them know you'll be available by email/whatever.
Originally Posted By: Brit45
I woke up this morning and attempted the handyman project he was going to do. I'm not strong enough and there are screws sticking out but at least it's holding up. LOL!!! I'll get S to help me later. He's pretty strong.
The funny thing is it used to upset me when I'd think about how he was out going to places that he never went to with me while I wasn't GAL'ing. Truth is I'd had such a great weekend and last night I was cozy on my sofa with my dog completely happy to be doing nothing rather than worrying that I was missing out on life.
almost started laughing when I read my horoscope for today:
Cast your mind back several years and think about the person you used to be. How have you changed since then? Before this amazing week is over, you may feel you have moved on just as far from the person that you were last weekend! But just as, ultimately, you are still yourself, albeit wiser and stronger, so you can rest assured that these changes won't be nerve-rackingly dramatic. It will just be helpful, inspiring, uplifting, empowering and enriching. Long- deserved gains are starting to come your way.
this is good stuff. seems like the stars are even seeing your progress. way to go on the DIT. thats cool. im glad to hear you are comfy just sitting on the couch being you. i am getting there.
I barely slept last night and had another crying fit. urgh. I know those will end...they are getting farther and farther apart.
When I was a WAW I didn't think he would be the first to find a R. I'm actaully really shocked at a lot of this behaviour. I need to detach and possibly move on. He has stepped out of crying every day (his words) to finding someone that is so like him that they spend every day together. I think that detaching will help me manage the hurt I constantly feel from this sitch...which I know only happens because I keep thinking and waiting for him to take a second look.
He hasn't even had a first look. He's said that he doesn't know what he did that was so wrong and of course now he has someone that's just telling him how amazing he is.
I read Accuray's post on someone's thread that said don't ask what did I do wrong ask what can I do better. the first makes you feel bad the second empowers you.
So I'm concentrating on that...what can I do better? How can I be the woman of my dreams? I need a whole new wardrobe! Nothing fits in a good way and I'm looking at shaking up my style!
Detaching will definitely help you manage the hurt. At some point you may reach the level of detachment where it doesn't hurt because you realize his actions aren't directed AT YOU. It's a mountain but we all have to climb it.
I am also having some sleeping issues; going to try to pick up some melatonin today. Sorry to hear you had a rough night Stop checking FB!!!
Brit- I deactivated my FB for awhile. It felt good. Now I use it again and have blocked many of H's friends and his mom and brother from seeing my posts. Not that I write anything controversial but just because I know H could see what was going on in my life through them. He doesn't get to see what is going on in my life anymore.
Just curious what your sign is Brit? Loved your horoscope. If you are a Leo too I will die! I used to always read my horoscope and fell out of the habit. Recently I did one of those are your signs compatible with my H's sign. It pretty much said we were an okay fit...but that I am meant to be with an aquarius. Guess my new pick up line will be "What's your sign?".
I am also interested in shaking up my style but don't want to spend a lot of money (not sure if you have an H&M near you, or a Francesca's Closet but those stores are cheap and great). I've been trying to accessorize more, etc. And I try not to dress in jeans and t-shirts as much. People at work have noticed and commented, which feels nice. My style has always been pretty preppy and casual and I think I'd like to throw some sexy in the mix!!
Me-32 H-31 M-1yr, 9mos/T-6.5yrs No kids, 3 pets H estranged father passes away- 8/11 Bomb- 1/15/12 Began LRT- 4/1/12
oops I meant he went from crying everyday to being in this R in the space of 4 weeks.
I know it's not directed at me. It's strange I'm waiting for my emotions to catch up with my head. I know we're both hurting or were hurt and we're both trying to do the best we can. In my head I don't want to begrudge him any happiness. I read something that said if nothing else everyday say thank you to your ex for lessons you will learn from this.
It's funny last night knowing they went somewhere this weekend that we'd been before seemed like a huge deal and now not so much.
I read Accuray's post on someone's thread that said don't ask what did I do wrong ask what can I do better. the first makes you feel bad the second empowers you.
So I'm concentrating on that...what can I do better? How can I be the woman of my dreams? I need a whole new wardrobe! Nothing fits in a good way and I'm looking at shaking up my style!
Love that post from Accuracy... so true. Have fun clothes shopping! Enjoy your new self!
I put a post on fb that I was taking a break a few months ago, deactivated and I have been mostly happy that I did. I don't have to worry about seeing something I don't want to see and I don't have to second-guess my motives for posting something.
I also think fb was part of W's general unhappiness before the bomb. It makes it seem like everyone is constantly having the best time ever.. Most people (myself included) don't paint the most realistic picture of their lives on there, that is not the purpose.. and I think it may have helped fool my W into thinking the grass is greener...
I say this bc your H's postings do not reflect everything he is thinking or experiencing right now.. It is easy to think they do, but who knows.. the grass may not be as green as it appears... or even if it is right now, time catches up to the fantasy of every new R.
I know that taking a break from fb helped me sleep better. When I was on there, I could not help wondering if W would find out about my posts... and what she might think. And when I would see mutual friends post about an event, I would wonder if she were there and on and on.
Melatonin is good. Hope you find something that helps.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Just curious what your sign is Brit? Loved your horoscope. If you are a Leo too I will die!
I'm a Sag but I think Leos and Sags are similar! I get exactly what you mean about not getting to see your life!
Quote:
I don't have to worry about seeing something I don't want to see and I don't have to second-guess my motives for posting something.
I did take a mini break but didn't announce it. I think announcing it or deactivating would be a bit melodramatic. I'm just going to take a break and check once a day to see if my family has contacted me. A lot of them email me through FB.
I had actually created a new "list" and would post things so that he couldn't see so then I wouldn't worry about my motives.
Someone told me the same thing that it may not be the most realistic picture. It doesn't really matter....it makes me think about his life and his activities and I want to be my own main character of my thoughts!!
I've decided to get a journal and put it by my bed and every night/morning I'm going to write 5 things I'm thankful for and 5 ways I experienced love that day (at night) whether giving or recieving. Too often when I go to bed and wake up the first thing I do is agonize over my sitch...and then tell myself to stop thinking bad thoughts. I need a NEW habit.
I just read a really good story online about "letting love in" and I'll figure out how to paraphrase and post it.
I'm with Maggie - trying to accessorize more and picked up a few new items. I definitely got some comments at work a few weeks ago all in one day - I must have been getting really lazy before! Check out Etsy and support independent artisans!
Can you recommend a "good" horoscope site (I know it's all for fun but some are better than others)? I used to check it for fun but got out of the habit.
a man stood on a riverbank and watched a man catch fish measure the fish against a broken ruler and throw back any that were bigger than the ruler. He wondered what must be wrong with the larger fish...maybe as they got bigger they didn't taste as good. Eager to make the right decision he asked the man why he threw away the larger ones. The man said "you see that ruler? That's the size of my frying pan"
so the website went on to say that he man was denying himself anything bigger because he had a rigid amount he was willing to accept. So should you open up and allow more? a bigger life, a bigger love etc.
I guess it just made me realize that in my hurt and pain of the R and how much I missed H I might be limiting myself to what's out there and the possibility of other outcomes. I need to get a bigger frying pan one..it's a lot like a begginers mind but it just made it real for me. (if you google let love in ruler fish I'm sure you can find it but I know they don't like outside links)
Stop checking FB!!!