As long as your H knows you will be there for him, he has no rush to decide. That is why you must go as dark as you can.
It is childish, but I did the same thing as a kid. I would date two girls but keep stringing one along just in case it didn't work out with the other girl.
I love my W. I would take her back in a heartbeat if given the chance. However, I can't let her know. She has told her sister, her friends, etc that I will always be there for her when they tell her to pull her head out of her a@@. She was so confident she could see the OM and I would take her back. Since I have gone dark/dim, I think it has scared her. She is contacting me more and seeing what I am doing because she is starting to worry if I will always be there. I will, but I refuse live in pity and allow her to think she is able to do as she pleases.
You are too good to be someone's backup plan.
I love everything you just said here. I need to remember this.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
I have been dark for almost three weeks. It has been th best thng I have done in terms of regaining my pride and self esteem. Before it was constant rejection and resentment. Now I feel more In control.
It's very hard. But it gets easier. And it's empowering. And that is what we need at this time. To feel empowered everyday. Day by day. Forget the future for now. Focus on YOU today.
When I think I am going to backslide I think do I want to feel empowered or do I want to feel rejected?
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I second both BUstingOut and Lost. I just wish you could have more to throw yourself into and keep busy but it makes sense about the job and it's tough to GAL with little ones. I find I feel better when I keep moving. Don't refuse any invitations to do anything- get out of your house even when you don't feel like it.
You can and will do this JKS. Be confident- many men would give their right arm to be with you. I've been telling myself that, because I know it's true, and I feel so much better. I've gotten more compliments and lately I just think- wow, my H is an idiot, I have so much to offer! Fake it til you make it if you have to.
Me-32 H-31 M-1yr, 9mos/T-6.5yrs No kids, 3 pets H estranged father passes away- 8/11 Bomb- 1/15/12 Began LRT- 4/1/12
You can and will do this JKS. Be confident- many men would give their right arm to be with you. I've been telling myself that, because I know it's true, and I feel so much better. I've gotten more compliments and lately I just think- wow, my H is an idiot, I have so much to offer! Fake it til you make it if you have to.
Thanks, Maggie and bustingout!! I needed to hear this.
My contact with H has been very minimal. Only business-related.
Took the kids out tonight and photographed them tonight. I'm sure the kids will be telling H about it, but I'm pretty sure I'm not sharing. Sorry, I'm mean.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
You can and will do this JKS. Be confident- many men would give their right arm to be with you. I've been telling myself that, because I know it's true, and I feel so much better. I've gotten more compliments and lately I just think- wow, my H is an idiot, I have so much to offer! Fake it til you make it if you have to.
Oh, I saw the link from purgatory's thread and recently clicked on it and it said the FB group was no longer there? Or something like that...
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
H came to pick up the kids today. I was dressed super cute (in a dress) and did my hair a different way. I felt him noticing but who knows...
Our exchange was good. I was happy. When I feel beautiful, I know I exude that from myself. We had small talk and I waited outside for the kids to get in the car and then gave them their kisses and hugs. I shut the door to the car and H was waiting behind me and said, "can I have a hug?"
I said, sure. It seemed like he held on longer than usual. And then when I pulled away he looked like his eyes were watery. I started to walk away and then said, "are you crying?"
He said no, then put his sunglasses on. I have no idea about any of that. It was just weird.
He seemed really happy to see me and I love being around him and our kids and feeling like a family again. Only if it is for a couple minutes. I know the space helps him.
Oh, and I've started to read a book called "The Enabler." I cannot believe how much this story reflects me and my husband and, this may sound weird, but his mom also. Enabling never makes anyone learn and grow for themselves and I'm coming to realize that my H almost paralyzed me in helping me so much.
I am so grateful everyday that he made the choice for us to take a break so that I've had this opportunity to grow. He's forced me to do things I would not normally do if he was still around. I am getting to independence but I know I'm not quite there yet.
I'd love to get a place of my own. Really, I would. Hopefully talking to this 3rd L tomorrow can give me some new insight. Who knows...
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
Oh, I was also going to ask opinions on this... Father's Day is coming up and, yes, I may be softening my heart a little, but I was thinking that I might take the photos I took of the kids the other night and make a small album for him. I would wrap it up and say it was from the kids. And let them give it to him. I design professional albums as a part of my business so it would be something that he truly would only be able to get from me. And I know that he's been dying to get some new pictures of the kids.
Bad idea? Or should I just not get him anything... he didn't get me anything or have the kids get me anything for Mother's Day.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
Hmm. His reaction today (crying?) was interesting. Maybe best in the future to give him a quick warm arm squeeze as you're walking away instead of asking if he's crying?
As for the gift... an album seems to be a bit heavy given your situation. What about a single picture of the kids together? If he's receptive to that, then maybe the album sometime later. I'd say go ahead and maybe design the album now if you have time, as a creative outlet, and hold it in your pocket for a bit.
