Everwhere is walking distance if you have the time

[ClingingToHope]

Interesting. I realized this on the way home from picking up D9 from a friend's apartment. Today is my one year Divorsary. D was final a year ago today. I was working in Chicago and did not attend final court session.

Vacation going well so far. Great Friday night with girls. Saturday had its ups and downs between D9 and D13. D13 is just taking everything sooooo seriously.

D9 woke up this morning in a lousy mood and I lost it for a few minutes. I calmed down and waited out her little fit and things have gone well since.

I'm just tired. Physically tired instead of mentally and emotionally. Lots of swimming so far. Tennis this morning before they got up.

Now I'm waiting for my sister to call so we can go over her transactions for her books.

D13 is being quite a loner. She hasn't asked to go to or asked to have any friends over. We've gone on two long walks and she says she's tired of her friends and wants time away. She also wants time away from her family. Next week she's away at theater camp.

Chicago trip is in two days. That will be trying, memorable and tiring.

Saw a friend at church today. He's divorced. I've mentioned him on here. He doesn't have a great relationship with his kids and his XW pulls stuff like picking up his kids on his weekends if they are doing stuff closer to her than him. Yesterday, his son had a graduation party to go to. The XW picked him up and kept him for the night and then they went to church together. It was my friend's weekend. My XW would not do that. It's clear my time is my time.

Another blessing I forget to count.

[antlers]

I read some more stuff this morning that makes sense to me...
"Events in our lives are only events. It's how we treat the events (how we think about them) that determine what they become on our lives. The events don't make that determination - we do."

Does that make sense?

[ClingingToHope]

First week of summer vacation done with girls. Lots of fun. Some small incidents. I'm 95 percent happy with how the week went.

Here's the bad. D9 had small meltdowns every day but one, but I was able to handle them all before they became full meltdowns. I did make her cry though. She wanted to get something from XW's house. I said no. She asked why. I had a weak reason. So she persisted. So finally I said I do not want to go over to XW's house because I do not want to see XW and Uncle Fester (XW's boyfriend, although I did not call him that). Unless it's absolutely, absolutely necessary, if she forgets something at XW's then she'll have to do without.

Ugh. On Friday, when XW did pick them up for her weekend, D9 came downstairs to warn me XW was here.

D13 is about 50/50 from moving over to the full dark side of the teen years. Half the time she was the happy child I remember. The other half she was a moody loner who is going through troubles that "no one understands."

On Friday, I fell into lecture mold and it didn't do any good except to have her go downstairs and refuse to talk to me or D9 for two hours. Finally, an hour before XW showed up she came upstairs and she was fine.

I have to remember to "Talk so my kids will listen and to listen so my kids will talk."

The teen years are going to be very tiring.

The fun stuff more than overshadowed these incidents.

Friday night I started my umpiring marathon. I umped two games last night, two games today, then two games Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. Then two games the Monday after, single games Tuesday and Thursday and two games on the Friday and Saturday after.

That's the extra money I'll need for the next week off with the girls in July.

Tonight I'm meeting a lady who runs another growth group at my church. I tried to interest people from my growth group to go to dinner at a new downtown restaurant. No one bit, bunch of excuses. I invited the leader of another group to see if any of her members wanted to go and two did. So it's me and three ladies.

That's a plus. Then I'm meeting friends later. Things came together. Tomorrow, I pick up the girls for church. D13 goes to her mom's at night because she has to go out of town for theater camp. I'm taking D9 to horse back riding camp so she stays with me.

Funny thing about the week, girls kept dropping in talks with XW and again I realized I don't miss her, I miss them. I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to give them a different role model to counteract her new trailer trash lifestyle and idiotic family.

[kat727]

Teens aren't easy though my d13 hasn't been too difficult. Perhaps it helps to have her older brothers and her younger sister that she is close to. I remember not so long ago that we would cuddle on the couch and watch ghost shows. She would sit so close, I felt as if she was melting into me.

Now she is trying to step away a bit. She doesn't hold my hand when we go shopping anymore. I know she loves me but she is trying to find her own way. No one said letting them grow up was easy.

Happy Fathers Day early.

kat

[ClingingToHope]

I got really sad at D13's birthday because I know the fun childhood years are over. It's an adjustment. I think I've been a very good childhood dad. Being a teen dad is just sooo much tougher and more important, really, in the grand scheme of things.

Father's Day was good. I picked them up for church. D9 went to the children's program. I asked D13 not to volunteer with the 4 and 5 year olds and actually sit with me in the main auditorium.

She did and it was really fun. She was saying on the way back that she really learned a couple of things.

D9 and I swam for an hour while D13 just listened to music. D13 had to go out of town for theater camp today so I let her go back to XW's because XW was driving her to camp. XW sent me a text that she'd be gone for the day and not back until 8 p.m.

So D13 and I went for a walk at 5 for an hour and I just listened and responded to questions. It was a really, really good walk. Then we had dinner and D9 and I walked D13 back to XW's at 7:30 p.m. so I'd avoid having to see XW.

D9 stayed here and I took her to horse back riding camp today. I picked her up as well. It was so hot they didn't get to ride and that upset D9. This is going to be a very interesting week. It's 50/50 that D9 makes it through. I picked D9 up 45 minutes early on a hunch the heat was going to make for a tough day. I took her swimming before I had to leave to umpire.

Email from XW tonight. She's upset with all the things I've got planned for summer. She said all these things don't leave her anything to do with them.

I'm reading it and thinking to myself that XW gets to have them the majority of the nights. She still has the "family" home, while I make do in a house half the size. She takes them to her mom's campground with the beach, two pools and miniputt course. She's taking them to Uncle Fester's sisters family farm so they can ride horses. Uncle Fester has given D9 a ride on a motorcycle.

While they do that, I'm working five different jobs to keep my head above water.

So now she's trying to shame me into dialing down my plans because I'm infringing on her.

I responded that I only get four weeks off a year with them and I'm going to pack as much as I can into those weeks until they no longer feel like hanging out with dad.

I didn't say I'm already working on the trips for 2013 -- Florida and St. Louis and then New York in 2014.

Ironically, these were all trips that D13 and I planned back when she was 8. We made a list of places we wanted to go to. We showed it to XW, who didn't seem all that excited.

I won't be able to make all of those trips, which I know by heart, during D13's pre college years. But I'm going to do as many as we can.

[SunFunOne]

Wow! As long as the trips/outings take place during your time with them - what could she POSSIBLY have to say about it? She IS a piece of work, for sure.

Horseback riding camp where they didn't ride all day? You would think they'd have a backup plan for weather (rain included) like an indoor training centre or something. I can understand your daughter's upset.

Forget your ex and her little hissy fits. She can do with them as she wants when they're with her. Sounds like the little green monster has her.

Barb

[mishka422]

Yeah, what Barb said!

[ClingingToHope]

Messages from XW this morning. D9 woke up not wanting to go to camp at all. Instead, she's going in the morning to ride the horses and then to daycare in the afternoon.

XW needed to get some video game stuff from my house and it was 9 a.m. when she swung by with D9, who I could tell had already had a long morning.

I felt sorry for D9, and I remembered something that pops into my mind occasionally. I don't miss XW -- I miss my daughters tremendously.

I hope D13 is having fun at her theater camp.

[ClingingToHope]

Sent XW an email yesterday that we may have to revisit Abilify. Neither one of us want to put D9 on it because we've read about the wide ranging side affects in some cases.

But on Father's Day, D9 had a full blown meltdown when she didn't get her way with the TV and computer. I ended up having to restrain her and she tried to suffocate me. It only lasted 30 seconds and then the storm broke and she was very apologetic.

I didn't think she was trying to do that. I just thought she was trying to break free. Later she apologized for trying to suffocate me. I was never in danger and didn't think much of it until I thought what if that was another kid or years from now her own kid.

So XW messaged back that she agreed although she wants to wait until the ADHD medicine is doubled at the start of the school year.

XW also messaged me on the places she plans on taking the girls. My brain couldn't get around whether she's taking them alone or with Uncle Fester. Either way, she's in for an eye-opener. I travel pretty well with them and it's still tremendously trying. And if she tries to travel with them with another guy, forcing them both to sit in the back seat together -- well, good luck with that.

She's taken them exactly on one trip since we split up and had to cut it short because it was a disaster. She never really has traveled well.

But that's her issue. I just hope she doesn't sour them too much for our trip to Canada in August. That's 13.5 hours in the car together -- that's going to be trying under the best of circumstances.

Almost halfway through my 2 1/2 week umpiring marathon. When it's over, I'll have earned $570 extra for July. That's enough to get me to the August Canada trip in decent shape.

Still, I'm tired. From July 14 to August 10, I'll actually get to relax a little. Knowing me, I'll pack those three weeks with all kinds of relaxing activities.

[mishka422]

CTH, just a suggestion to ease your travel out of the country with the girls.

Make sure you get a signed, notarized letter with your XW signature that states that you have her permission to leave the country with them. Google "Single Parent Travel" and you will find links to form letters you can just fill out and both sign in front of a notary. Canada and Mexico are very stringent on protecting children from being kidnapped by a parent and your court decree of divorce doesn't cover specific vacation times. I've seen people turned away without that letter and some go through no problem. It just depends on the agent at the border.

Another FYI - if you are driving into Canada you actually don't need passports, just birth certificates, but a passport is always a better option. You only have to have passports if you are flying. That law keeps getting pushed back.