[sayitaintso]

Yes, thanks for sharing.

[LITB]

Let me pick up about where I left off yesterday. From March until the last couple of weeks, our contact was limited.

At the end of April, we were scheduled to have a status update meeting with the judge. I had reviewed the settlement agreement one last time and my attorney sent it to my W’s attorney for their review. They didn’t get back to us with their changes or even to let us know when we could expect it. My L requested a continuance, which was granted. Our next status update meeting was scheduled for today, June 1, 2012.

Note: I kept pushing the D back as I have been seeking employment in NM, but my attorney and I decided it was time to get the D finalized. It was supposed to be finalized at the end of September.

During one of our convos, my W told me that she wouldn’t be able to review the agreement until the end of June. I saw it as a sign, but didn’t expect anything of it. As far as I knew, she was still in a R with OM. Honestly, I was ready to have it behind me and move forward with my life. The ball was in her court as far as our legal proceedings. I wasn’t worried about it. I was living as if we were D anyway.

As I mentioned a few posts back, I let my W know that I wouldn’t be participating in doing birthday parties together. Our S6 birthday was in April. She had his birthday party the weekend before his birthday and I flew down the following weekend to celebrate it with he and our D9. That worked great. Our D9 birthday was last Saturday, again my W had her birthday party the previous Saturday. However, since our D9 birthday fell on a Saturday and it was the same weekend that I was bringing our children back to California, we decided to spend it together as a family. It was a compromise that I was willing to make.

Two weeks ago today, I called to speak with our children. My W was not home from work yet, so she answered the call. This is how she answered, “Well hello there, what do I owe the pleasure of getting a call from you.” I just laughed. I didn’t say what I was thinking. My thought was, “I didn’t call to talk to you. I called to talk to D9 and S6”.

She asked me to hold on as she shut down her computer. The call was positive and general. After the call, we exchanged a few text messages. There was some flirting in our exchanges. So the signs were there.

I’m going to jump to my R with my GF. The week before my trip to NM, she let me know that she was not comfortable with us spending time as a family for my D9 birthday. I understood and could respect that, however I wasn’t going to allow someone else to influence my decisions when it comes to my children. I also knew that if there were any chance to reconcile, that my R with my GF stood in the way. I couldn’t give my GF all she wanted from me. It wasn’t fair to her and it wasn’t fair to our children. It’s one of the things that I regret, because I broke her heart. I ended things with her on May 22nd. It sukked, but I felt relieved.

That gets me caught up all the way to last weekend.

[LITB]

While I work on my last update, I wanted to share some more things that I have saved in my personal archives:

“How you think about a problem is more important than the problem itself. So always think positively.”
- NORMAN VINCENT PEALE

“If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all of your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness and fear”
- CESARE PAVESE

"The very best proof that something can be done is that someone has already done it"
-- BERTRAND RUSSELL

[LITB]

The post below is priceless.

And this why we are all here:

Any relationship can heal. No matter how painful or destructive your relationship may be there is always hope for improvement and restoration. Sound impossible? Well, it's not! Antagonism and defensiveness can be dissolved. Anger and resentment can be replaced with forgiveness and compassion. Conflict can turn into cooperation.

Maybe you'll fall back in love and stay together in a way that works. Maybe you'll need to go your separate ways. Whatever happens, you have the opportunity and ability to heal your relationship. You can be free of the hurt, the anger and the resentment.

Put the Focus On Cleaning Up Your Relationship: Once you establish an intimate relationship with someone, you will have a relationship with that person for the rest of your life.

Resolve Legal Issues Effortlessly: In any seperation or divorce, there are certain legal issues that need to be resolved.

What You Do Know Makes a Difference: How you interact with the other person determines how that person will interact towards you.

Acknowledge the Love That's There: Once two people fall in love, the love is there to stay. You can't push it away even if you wanted to.

Let the Other Person Be the Way He or She Is: The experience of love is created by giving the gift of unconditional acceptance and appreciation. It's letting someone be exactly the way he or she is.

See Your Role in the Problem: At any moment, you are totally at the effect of everything around you. Whatever happens, you will react in some way.

Don't Hang On: Relationships don't always work out the way we want. Sometimes relationships become so painful that somebody wants to leave.

Letting Go: The moment you let go, everything seems to change. With the fear and upset gone, you see your situation very differently.

Start the Healing Process: You now have the opportunity to discover and heal the issues that have been sabotaging your life.


Peace and Prayers to you all - ZEN

[Navyguy]

Absolutely wonderful LITB. . So, so happy for you and your family!

[LITB]

Thank you Navy. I appreciate it.

I wish you all of the best.

[Starsky309]

I’m going to jump to my R with my GF. The week before my trip to NM, she let me know that she was not comfortable with us spending time as a family for my D9 birthday. I understood and could respect that, however I wasn’t going to allow someone else to influence my decisions when it comes to my children.

Somebody's got his mojo back, folks.

[shockeddad]

That was some of the best words I read here.

[bustingout]

This is a wonderful thread. Thank you.

[LITB]

So here we are, May 24th. The weekend that changed everything for me.

I was beyond ecstatic, because I was getting ready to fly to NM to spend our D’s 9th birthday weekend with her and bring my children back to California for the summer. Before boarding my plane, I had this feeling or intuition that my life was about to change. I didn’t realize to what extent.

I kept words from 25yearMLC in mind…..”Keep the road home paved and smooth”. and I remembered her making the most of her time as a family during their trip to SoCal. I believe it was SoCal before her H left to Alaska.

With those things in mind, I was going to make the best of my weekend. Here’s the thing. It wasn’t an act. It was who I had become. I was back to my old, happy, joking and fun self with some upgrades if you will. To be honest, I didn’t expect anything to come of it. As Starsky states, I had my mojo back. I was going to be happy no matter what was in store.

Last Friday, our D9 had a water play day for her last day of school. Fortunately, my interview ended early and I had the opportunity to attend. My W was already there when I arrived. We shot water guns and threw water balloons. I was playful with my W. Soaked her good. Kids chased me around and I ate it on the grass pretty good. It was a good time.

After we went to her house to change, we headed out to dinner and then went to watch Avengers. Our S6 sat on my lap and our D9 sat on my W’s lap. This is the first time we had been together as a family since Christmas break. Before the movie began, our kids were sitting in the 2 seats between us. Our S6 came over to sit on my lap before the movie began. A few minutes later, my W sat next to me and our D9 sat on her lap.

The next day, our D’s 9th birthday, I picked them up and we headed to an amusement park. It felt like old times. I could feel that the spark between my W and I was back. While we were in the middle of the park figuring out what to do, we were messing around, kids were throwing water at each other and on us. I was being playful with my W, and she looked at me and said, “what dad?”…….I grabbed her in my arms and gave her a big hug. It made quite an impression, which I will share in an email she sent me. (I remember early in my sitch, this would have not been a good idea. As a matter of fact, I believe it was Starsky who told me it made me look weak and desperate. Paraphrasing)

A little later, my W and I were standing next to each while our children were getting ready to get on a ride. As we looked at each other, I teased her like I was going to kiss her. I didn’t. This is a very short convo that left another impression…

W: You are still mine.

I didn’t say anything. I just looked at her.

W: Wow, speechless.

My kids had asked me to get on the ride with them, I looked back at her.

LITB: You have a special opportunity. Don’t wait long.

Those were the highlights of the day. I did mention what took place at dinner a few post back when I spring boarded off of BklynMom’s post.

On Sunday morning, my mom and I picked up our children and headed to California for the summer. My W later told me that she cried for a half hour straight after we left. She was dealing with some of the consequences of her decision.

Next update will include “The Email” to my M getting DB’d.