bug- you are right about bullsh1tting..lol. i was hurt to see that, yes. angry? i dont believe i was. it kinda stinks because i feel like my heart hardened a bit. that is not what i wanted. i am the one who feels i have been a doormat. i have really been working on keeping my anger in check and focusing on why i am truly angry. i really do believe i have detached, with love. it hurts to see the choices she is making. it is her life to live, and if this is what makes her happy that is great. i dont cotrol her, nor do i want to. i care about her and believe she is worth far more than she is giving herself credit for. thats what hurts. i know i am not an option for her anymore. i am okay with that. my focus isnt on her anymore. i have my bad moments. im having alot less of them now.
the prayer for my marriage from LITB's thread is really helping and it is how i feel. i want her to be the best person she can be, and i pray for that. all i have is time. she isnt filing right now, so that is good. i can continue to DB. i had to get that off my chest in order for me to move on. i needed to stand up for myself and really show her i am serious. i am proud of myself. i did it withut accussing, yelling or saying deliberately hurtful things.
i do want my M to work. that has not changed. i dont like it like this, and i will not be a part of that anymore. i think i did pretty good enforcing my boundry. i never stuck to my feelings in fear of making her mad. i am at the point where she is going to be mad regardless, so why not stand up for myself and my M. she might not respect me for it, but i respect myself.
We are close to the samething. I just keeping telling myself that my boys are whats most important. The hardiest thing is not seeing my kids every night. My W is all over the place at time, Don't know how to read her. Now I focus just on me and the boys. I'm going to keep close eye on you and maybe we can help each other get threw this.
ME 31 / W 29 M 7 / T 13 S 3 / S 5 NOT HAPPY 11/11 BOMB 12/27/11 MOVED OUT 2/12 THINKS D WOULD BE BEST FOR HER 5/14/12 W Files D 6/24/12
lol..i doubt i will be a whole lot of help. i am not very good at this DB stuff. im good at backsliding. i read your thread often. detachment is helping me. i dont know about her, that her deal. i feel a little better each day. there is something at the end of this tunnel. what, remains to be seen. i have to stay consistent. im getting better at it.
You either feel good about your actions or you feel bad.
Good means nothing is wrong. Bad means you think you did wrong.
Here is the deal with your wife.
If this is normal person stuff? Then MLC long term tactics don't make sense, and that plays to a long game.
If she is MLC, then it's not about speed it's about distance.
I'm better at MLC stuff.
Did you do right or did you do wrong? Right or wrong don't really apply. How do you feel right now? Does it bring you closer or futher away from your goal?
IF you really want a 2x4? Tell me ; ) There ARE things that you knew better, but we all lie to ourselves at times.
A parting thought?
Many (I believe, please notice the caveat there...my idea is many, hell maybe it's only a few, but can you afford the cahnce even it it only applies to one spouse in a million?) WAW...WAH/WAS...walk-away whatevers...
feel like they cannot come back, that what they did is unforgivable.
If you seem unforgiving? Why would they even try?
Dakota, you're pretty new to this...so don't beat yourself up too badly, ok? Just do better. Get up, dust off.
one last thing...
if you only had a 1 in a 1,000,000,000 chance of making this work... one in a billion....is you wife worth that?
Roles reversed would she do it for you?
If you base this off numbers? Walk now.
Unless you can be that 1.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
i feel a little better each day. there is something at the end of this tunnel. what, remains to be seen. i have to stay consistent. im getting better at it.[/quote]
Well said, I agree. Every friend help.
ME 31 / W 29 M 7 / T 13 S 3 / S 5 NOT HAPPY 11/11 BOMB 12/27/11 MOVED OUT 2/12 THINKS D WOULD BE BEST FOR HER 5/14/12 W Files D 6/24/12
I didn't post at first because I wasn't sure what to say. Whatever you said or did I'm sure that later you may have second guessed yourself. Hindsight plays tricks on us and those of us with issues will always worry we could have done better or should have done better.
Jack is right pick yourself up and brush yourself off. I could mind read and say that she is getting both sides of the fence some happy family interaction with you and the excitement of something new. But I could be projecting because that's how it was for me. So we could tell you to do this or that in order to manipulate the sitch but that doesn't get you anywhere.
You need to completely 100% focus on you. We all do things in anger and hurt. And I gave myself quite a beating after the way I acted when I got a bomb. But you have to just decide that you will neither harden your heart or pursue. You can detach with love. I know you can.
as always..thanks. i jammed not falling last night after she left. put my soul at ease. i do not feel bad. i feel kinda good actually. whether its moving me closerto my goal or not, who knows. still a bit early to tell. i do feel like i took some of myself back. she did tell me she doesnt want a divorce right now. whatever that means. not thinking about it.
i might have pissed her off. that is okay. sometimes people need to feel that. i am not getting down on myself. i told you before that i am a fighter. no matter how much dust or blood i will pick myself up and continue the fight. you have a good point about forgiveness. i can see my W being that way. scared. that is something i need to stay consistent on. letting her know that i do and will forgive her. because i want to. bottom line. i love her. i always will.
i do not know if my W would still take that 1 in 1,000,000 chance on me. she has before, so i would like to think she would again. i know she is worth it. i would give her that chance over and over again. i would not be trying if i didnt think that 1 shot was worth it.
