you are one step ahead of me as always. i am almost there i think. i am feeling my self control. 2 nights in a row i have slept. no crazy dreams, no waking up in a panic. i miss her too. i also dont. im not sure i am liking her right now. its confusing. i know that stuff will work out one way or another.
a few weeks ago, my closest friend who is helping and supporting me in my DB'ing, said to me so very sweetly - "zig, now it's just time to forget about him for a while and just fall in love with yourself"
it surprised me - but i do that now everyday - if i look in the mirror i tell myself how beautiful i am, literally.i know it's goofy - but i literally smile sweetly at myself and think how lovely i am.
heck if no one ELSE is saying that to me, then i have to for myself, right
it's a wonderful feeling and we really are worth it aren't we?
i'm glad your'e at that spot now, brit -
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
Hi Zig, YES you are so right if no one else is saying it that you have to do it. We have to stop looking outside and do it for ourselves.
Last week I was saying things like I have to accept that he may never come back or if he does he won't have worked on issues. Almost like I was convincing myself. Now I honestly feel like "the future" isn't even something I think about.
I still have moments where I think about him. Wonder if what he's doing. I hear about events and wonder if he and his GF are doing that. And then I remind myself of when he told me he had a "very busy weekend" and I imagined him doing all sorts of things with her from camping to family bbq's. And what was he really doing? helping GF move in old dirty ripped jeans and spending 5 hours waiting for a tow truck. Not very exciting. So my imagination probably invents a more exciting life than he really leads and I need to leave that alone.
In an effort to be dim but not dark I sent him a text this morning about something I'd seen I thought he might be interested in. I got a pleasant response We had a polite, funny exchange. My last reply included the question how've you been and then he didn't reply. cheeseless tunnel. I need to stop asking him about him and just wait until he's ready to share anything. And when he does be supportive and polite and offer no advice.
I did not ask him about tonight.
I'm feeling good overall today. I had a good night's sleep even though he was in my dreams. I think it was telling me I was being selfish and that I need to stop trying to rush things.
Maybe a rubber band/hair band on your wrist that you can snap whenever you want to ask him how he's doing might help? or maybe get down and do some pushups or crunches? then you'll get fitter in the meantime
I'm going to be very honest here. I used to do that and then would be disappointed/hurt when there was no response.
Then I'd go through that whole cycle, then several days later I'd send another one. The cycle would begin again and I could never leave it on an up note.
Only do that if you can be completely without expectation about it. It's just too painful.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I'm not hurt. Well maybe a tiny bit. I figured out that I was sad that he felt he couldn't open up to me or share his life with me. But I feel like that's because of two reasons in the past I've offered my advice or given my opinion on things and second his whole life at the moment revolves around her. So he can't tell me anything because it would include her and he wants to spare my feelings. So I imagine I ask him that and it opens up a huge door of what should or shouldn't I tell her. And then he gets reminded that something might upset me and then he doesn't know what to say.
Which in a weird way that realization made me smile because I'm happy I have many things in my life that are all about me.
On the plus side he was making jokes and very happy and nice. I wasn't sure of the response I'd get. I don't think he'll stop and take a second look until something goes bad in his current R.
I do think when I look at myself at how different I am from a year ago. I've lost 46 pounds, I quit smoking, I don't get drunk, I'm not posting loads on FB for attention, I've made my house a happy, homely place, I've become a great cook, and I have really exciting career prospects. I'm proud of this. Day by day my love life is becoming a smaller part of who I define myself as.
I do think when I look at myself at how different I am from a year ago. I've lost 46 pounds, I quit smoking, I don't get drunk, I'm not posting loads on FB for attention, I've made my house a happy, homely place, I've become a great cook, and I have really exciting career prospects. I'm proud of this. Day by day my love life is becoming a smaller part of who I define myself as.
Love that!! Wow, amazing!
Each situation is so different. I think that, in the past, my small contacts w/ W made her feel guilty, even if that wasn't my attention. This guilt did not pull her back to me, it did the opposite. I think it also made her feel like I was trying to control her. You know him best and how he may feel about the contact.
Have a great day Brit.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
or maybe get down and do some pushups or crunches? then you'll get fitter in the meantime 