I decided that I would no longer identify myself as a WAW in my threads. I'm just me. And my sitch is unique as is everyone's sitch. Labels only allow us to wallow in victimhood or blame ourselves.
I've told a few friends that he's said he might be moving in with her and they all say "What is he doing?" He's going around that mountain and that's his mountain not mine.
I'm working on enjoying the non-axiety that I've found in the past few days.
He texted me yesterday Ibut I haven't heard from him since then. I've decided I may text him on Friday and just say hi...in my attempt to be dim not dark. Don't know if I'll see him at that event we were both invited to, but I'm having no expectations.
I also found out through a minor snooping (I KNOW i'm stopping that..new goal) that he's getting back into an old hobby. This makes me laugh a) who's funding it b) how's she gonna cope when he's in the garage all weekend every weekend? I remember he did this when we were married. It took a year into our R and I felt neglected...we'll see. But ultimately none of my business so much so I almost didn't post about it!
A hobby is a good thing, during our very brief separation I took up playing a card game I used to play as a kid. Turns out its become ultra competitive, so I started casually attending weekly tournaments. When W came back I made it clear I was going to do one tournament a weekend. W seemed glad to get the space. (afterall things were rocky at home). She'd get the rest of the weekend. Now that things are WAY better I still attend one tournament a week, and have decided to go pro so I have started playing online to get more practice. (don't worry it's not gambling).
The key of course is that W still gets lots of attention weeknights and for about 75% of the weekend. We still go out, have fun and other such things. I can tell she is pleased to see that I have developed hobbies that are separate from her. When we first married I dropped almost all my hobbies to give her time, and in true nice guy fashion this backfired on me.
I think it's great that he is getting back into hobbies, the question is can be find balance, and will he yield if GF ever pressures him about his hobby.
Haha, I started a new thread today, as well. Still plugging along, but things are changing for me.
I also think it is good that H is working on a hobby. It will fill his time and make him feel better about himself, which can only be a good thing. Have you gotten into any hobbies yourself?
M:29 H:30 M:2.5 years T:13 years No kids EA:11/2011 PA:01/2012 Bomb:02/2012 H starting another EA, I had enough and we seperate: 03/08/2012 Trying to decide what I want for a change...
Labels only allow us to wallow in victimhood or blame ourselves.
Love this and the new title.
having known you through reading your thread and your comments on mine, i do not think of you anymore as a WAW, that label does nothing to show the breadth of who you are and what you are doing...
i think we should come up with another name for the LBS too...one with more power.. Being left behind is what is done to us, not what we are doing... there is no power in what someone does to us, our power is in what we do in response. Maybe we are more WOM (Working on ME)..
Hope yo have a great day, Brit! A new thread is a new start!
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
It's not new...he usually abondons partners for it haha. so it will be interesting to see if he keeps the balance now. He had sold his previous "project" after our split and hasn't had a project for a few months. He never has a problem telling you that you are less important than the hobby.
but enough about him. Thanks for all your kind words I'm feeling very positive and upbeat today!
This is the dual side of him...incredible nice guy who is also self absorbed and distant.
enough about him though....
Today I listened to country music all the way home made me feel great. Every love song (the happy ones) I made about me. A love song to me from me.
I'm reading The Voice of Knowledge by Don Miguel Ruiz. It's really helped to get rid of that voice inside our head that judges us, tells us we're not good enough or whatever. Also the voice that drives me crazy thinking about him or what he's doing in his new R.
Finally reading DR, I think he's doing that thing MWD mentions where the woman goes out and marries the opposite of her husband.
I told a friend of mine that I'm at the place where if he comes tomorrow I'm fine, if he doesn't come tomorrow I'm fine. and she was really almost shocked/surprised that I was that calm about the whole thing. I guess I really have grown.
you are sounding good today. i am goin to have to lok into that book. get the voices to stop. i also think you stopped being a "WAW" a long tim ago. i like the "WOM" title for you alot better.
i dont know how you can listen to country without crying. that says alot! im sure your comment to your friend surprised the he11 out of em. that isnt something "normal" people say. thats what makes you special. good job!
Haha I did skip one or two songs on my iPod that was a bit too sad! But you're right a few weeks ago I couldn't even watch romance films!
I meant if he comes for drinks with our friends not comes back to me haha Don't know if I really made that clear.
I've stopped feeling like a WAW or a LBS. I really feel in control of myself. Yes I miss him still. But I'm adjusting and floating and it makes me feel confident.
