Brit, your Crazyville post about your feelings and thoughts during separation are exactly what my WAW is showing.
I like your comment "Any time you spend working on yourself is time well spent" as books have opened up a massive enlightenment in my head. I'm confident the things I've learnt are for me.
Your H's comment "We don't really have problems you're making a mountain out of a molehill" is similar to what I said to my WAW. But I've learnt from one of the Barbara and Allan Pease books that when WAW said "it's the little things that matter", it's really important to her even though, as a H, I didn't think so at the time
Early on I tried to prove to WAW that I had learnt some of these things. But it seemed fake to her. She said it's not my personaliity and that I could not change. I know from LRT (MWD blog version) and one of the 37 rules that it will be a slow and delicate balancing act or "see saw" to show the small and consistent changes to WAW
H 34 W 27 M 9mth T 8 Separated 1/'12 ILYBNILWY OM 2/'12
Fuzz, It is enlightening to hear you say you have seen the things your W was complaining about, valid or not. Nobody knows your exact situation, so don't let anybody's opinions affect how you feel.
A lot of friends keep telling me to let go of WAW and the M. They see my intense lows and devastation and lose patience over my sitch. "Her heart's not with you anymore and her actions indicate that she has moved on. Why are you waiting for her?", they say. They realize how much I love WAW by the amount of pain I let myself endure.
The old me would think the same but I read so much about infidelity, relationships and female/male differences that it's grounded me and given me peace. Since WAW has pretty much done everything that's written, I have hope but do realize we are very likely to fall into D due to the "soul mate" nature of her A.
Compared to most sitch here, I have gone NC and LRT. There is very very little conversation with WAW. May be once a fortnight.
My plan since knowing about OM was to center myself and make a clear headed decision. To try and concentrate on myself. This is hard even with LRT.
So I take it in tiny goals that are achievable. Sleep early, I still don't but if I do it makes me feel like I achieved something. Exercise, same story. Enjoy coffee, so I let myself spoil myself. Organize BBQ, it happened. Hobbies, I made the effort to restart my interests.
I still feel devastated, sad and cold, and that there is a massive hole in my heart and huge weight in its place. But I noticed that this week I started to smile a little
H 34 W 27 M 9mth T 8 Separated 1/'12 ILYBNILWY OM 2/'12
I'm not nearly as far as you are. Mine started in Feb. and i am still just able to go to work. It takes everything I have just to function to make it there. Not much else! I guess I still need to know the why and how! like someone else said in my thread, how can someone walk after a year? Especially when they knew how important family and marriage was to you!
In my case, poor communication from WAW and poor listening/understanding from me. Every little thing matters for females and they all impact their emotions
I guess you can fall out of love as quickly as you fall in love. if OM is there when it happens, the contrast in relationships is too strong and WAW gives in to the A. WAW enters into a fog and nobody understands except the OM and ill informed "friends"
Whatever the problem in M, the A is only a replacement and won't solve the issues in M
H 34 W 27 M 9mth T 8 Separated 1/'12 ILYBNILWY OM 2/'12
Saw photos of WAW on FB for a dinner. It always bothers me that WAW is able to smile during this separation.
Also, bumped into one of her friends who may not know that there is an OM. Just that we are having a "rough patch".
All this got me thinking about what WAW may be doing this weekend. I didn't plan my weekend other than keeping busy with my hobby. I felt my big emotional wound open up again any moment that I wasn't busy.
Still wondering what she is doing with all this space
H 34 W 27 M 9mth T 8 Separated 1/'12 ILYBNILWY OM 2/'12
Thank you Scaredsilly. You were right. WAW text me to follow up on spending some vouchers that are close to expiry. What surprised me is that she thought that I'd love a new app that she found. It was an app she told me about before but she doesn't remember everything in our conversation since A.
It's not so much that she is thinking about me as that would get my hopes up. I'm surprised that I'm in her thoughts at all, if that makes sense
H 34 W 27 M 9mth T 8 Separated 1/'12 ILYBNILWY OM 2/'12
Hi FB, it sounds like you're getting there. I know that feeling of still having that hole in your heart and wondering what they are doing. You will get there I promise. Keep concentrating on you. Decide that for you regardless of the outcome of your M you will come out of this a better person to be a better H to her or someone else. I found that to be really empowering.
