NLW loved your reaction to "Come to papa" what a joke! He is delusional.
Glad you didnt react in anger. Its hard to know sometimes what the next move should be and its certainly critical to protect you & your childrens financial assets but always better to wait a few days and cool down before deciding what to do next.
Have you been reading LITB thread and how he is now piecing with his wife? It is an inspiration and a miracle. It is a delicate balance between detaching and always believing.
Show you kids how to behave in face of adversity. Be honest and brave. He is a fool.
It is amazing to me that you are on the other side of the world. You will always have a friend in Brooklyn. Hang in there, you are doing an incrediable job in the face of a tremendous hardship. Go easy on yourself.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
I am glad you decided not to react to your H shananagians, that doesnt mean you shouldnt make protecting you & your kids financial assets a top priority. But dont call your L every time you H acts like a jerk.
Do you guys have a custody schedule? Having a set schedule has helped me tremendously. I am able to plan my own GALing cause I know I dont have the kids, I feel more in control because I am not subject to my H every whim of coming over whenever he has a second. Its really helped me detach (not completely) but its helped.
Your H telling the dog to "Come to papa" is insane. They are delusional. My H still calls me Mommy in front of the girls. They are not living in this reality, they are not living in the reality of their decision.
Hang in there. You are amazing. You can do this for the kids, show them how to be honest and brave even when faced with the biggest obstacles.
Have you been reading LITB updates. His story is very inspiring.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
All our H's are delusional. My H still calls me mom in front of the kids too. Now he has been talking to OW in front of me. Blatant disrespect. Either that or he thinks I am stupid. Just take the high road. That's all you can do. But don't let him take advantage. You will know when you get to that point. I am there.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Yeah, this is the puzzler: Do our H's think we're stupid?? The transparent lies and crummy, pointlessly hurtful behaviour right in our faces... just another aspect of this business that I can't fathom.
I think your advice is spot on: take the high road, but don't let him take advantage.
Hope you are getting through things OK. Thinking of you, NLW.
Have you seen The Flight of the Concords? That first season was one of the funniest NY shows ever. Who would have thought New York and New Zealand could be so funny together. Also Bret won an Academy Award this year for music, amazing!
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Its a good sign but your H probably has to hit rock rock bottom before he actually acts on his thoughts of trying harder. Write it down in you good signs book and ignore it.
My H also comes from a very stitched up family. Their reserve definitely contributed to my H illness since they didnt express feelings H didnt either, H kept everything bottled up, till he exploded.
Hang in there!
I love love Flight of the Concords and Bret and Jermaine are hysterical (and so is the band manager guy)
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
If my H hasn't hit rock bottom now, don't know how low it can get.
He finally gave me access to another of my bank account details (this makes 2 now, out of about 6 that are in my name). This was because it's the account that contains S13 and D16's own accounts and they wanted to get some money to buy clothes.
They had been begging him for their account details for the last 4 months and had started to argue with him about the constant "I'll find the numbers tomorrow" statements that they were getting from him.
What I found was that H had emptied the kids' accounts, and has taken substantial cash advances from my credit card account over the last few months.
I presume this is fraud/theft.
When I asked him about it he said he didn't know, but if I emailed him the details, he'd look into it. That was 2 nights ago and still no response.
In the meantime, D16 was performing numerous pieces in a school jazz concert held at a local night spot last night (including a solo).
She begged H to come and he said he would. Just beforehand, and as he dropped the kids off from school pick-up, he told me that he would not be sitting with me at the concert ( a 3-and-a-half-hour event).
I made the silly mistake of expressing my thought that this would make it very awkward for D16 - as all of her school friends and their parents whom we have known for the last 13 yrs would be in the room, seated at tables having dinner and watching the show.
For H and I to be there and not to sit together would stand out like a sore thumb.
I stupidly tried to point out that we weren't arguing, that we were getting on well together, and that we had just been sitting, as we did every evening on the couch, talking happily about a number of things, and would he please consider if he could just sit with D16 and I for the concert for her sake.
He went ballistic and blurted out that, in the next day or two, I'd be receiving a copy of his application for a court hearing date to finalise a financial settlement between us. Then he left.
He came to the concert and I saw him lurking in a dark corner by the bar speaking to no-one, looking anguished, and texting repeatedly on his phone. He left after about 30 mins and missed D16's solo and subsequent performances.
Weird thing is that I can't for the life of me work out how he thinks we can have a court hearing to determine splitting finances given that he's refused to give me ANY details of our financial arrangements.
He seems to think he can just apply to be given 50% of everything I own, claim that his businesses are worth virtually nothing, forget about the massive debts he has incurred and that I am now liable for, and that the judge will just award him what he is asking for.
And what about the obvious evidence of his theft of money from my account, from our family trust, and from his children? How does he think this will look in court?
