I'm back, on my own.

[canadianMrs.]

I meant to add earlier as well, how DB has saved me from other men in MLC. I would bet money my 43 yo neighbour is in MLC. We've become friends over the last 6 months but the more I see and hear from him it sets off alarm bells. He has asked me out, but no way am I going there! Funny though, how he thinks H is crazy but does not see the simularites in their behavior. I'm sure I'm not the only one on here to experience this.

[AJM]

No, you're not the only one that sees it
See, you're not crazy!

[canadianMrs.]

What would you say in situations where I'm put on the spot in front if the kids? To an outsider the situation about the drop off at the mechanics would seem reasonable. I don't want to be his friend anymore, I need to make this more clear. Civil yes, close friends no. His rescuer no.

[job]

There are two ways to handle this: 1)you could mention to h that it might be in his best interest to sign up for AAA to assist in case of an emergency if the car breaks down again, especially at night. (I don't know what type of auto insurance your h carries, but I have an additional amount added into my policy for roadside service.) or 2)if he should put the request to you again in front of the children or others, you could always say "I'm sorry, I won't be able to assist you this time, as I have another appointment that I must get to by (whatever time)". You do not need to explain the type of appointment, but you must be ready to have that excuse ready if you should ever need it.

Your h needs to grow up and he needs to learn to stand on his own two feet.

[canadianMrs.]

Funny how it just has to be as simple as not being available. Thank you. Ironically I just had a flyer come for road side assitance, so I'll give it to him next time.

H came to see the kids tonight, take them to their activites etc. He was an hour late and I missed my gym class but I didn't say anything. I was annoyed, but didn't let on, I didn't want to make it a reason to have a conversation. When they came back I was in a really good mood and outside doing chores (lately I've been inside so I don't have to see him); I'd made plans I was excited about for the weekend. I messed up with H. He was sharing about an uncoming surgery (funny how when I had life saving surgery he was no help and then while I was recovering he started A. I hope he's not looking for sympathy). I just listened. He told me a few more things. I slipped up once and told him how I had just been voted into our condo board of directors. I don't know why I told him this, and was immediately annoyed with myself. I'm the extrovert out of the 2 of us, usually an open book, but I had been doing very well not sharing anything with him. He had, had no idea whats been going on in my life. It was funny because I saw him eyeing some empty beer/cooler bottles in my garage. I'm sure he's wondering who was over. I wasn't really a drinker when we were together. In fact they were ones I found lying around our neighbourhood. As well, when he left I gave him a box I had in the garage of pictures I didn't want. They were from our wedding, of him and his parents, and him and his groomsmen. He was visibly startled I gave them to him. I slipped up one more time as he said his final good bye to the kids and reminded him of his nieces birthday tomorrow. I had made the decision earlier not to remind him! Augh .A lesson learned today, as well as I have been doing I have to be careful its easy to get my guard down and slip. Luckily tomorrow is a new day!

[job]

Don't beat yourself up...you did well w/his visit last evening. There are going to be times when you do slip up...just continue moving forward.

As for the beer/cooler bottles...his imagination will run wild, but who cares!

Enjoy your holiday and try not to allow the mlc monster to ruin it for you!

[canadianMrs.]

Can someone explain why the mlc'er tries to connect with their children when they didn't before. I kind of get it, but don't they realize being a full time dad would have been the best solution, not the every other weekend dad? (Yes I know, silly me, they don't realize anything logical) My H is trying harder with the kids, but really he's just the "fun uncle". My cupboards are full of candy that he brings them each time. I guess this is more of a vent then a question! He really thinks he's going to get father of the year award just because he doesn't ignore them anymore. His parents aren't much better. His dad is a control freak who mapped out H's life, so I can see why we are where we are today. His mother thinks whatever H does is great. If I hear "Poor _____ has to drive so much to see his children" one more time I will scream. He was the one 18 months ago who kept asking me to call my mom (who lives in the city where we live now) to see if we could move in with her asap. Both his parents want to sweep bad things under the rug and paint this situation as "its worked out happily ever after for me". Augh! Sorry for the rant. IL's live in where I live now too, and I have to see them more... can you tell they are driving me crazy.

[job]

Question, are you asking us why they are reconnecting more after they have begun the mlc or the fact that he wasn't all that connect prior to mlc, but is doing so now?

[canadianMrs.]

I guess my H would fit into the last, he wasn't an involved parent before and is trying to now. Although sometimes I wonder how much is trying and how much is what choice does he have. I guess he could ignore his visitation. When he does have them he does interact with them, but its always fun interaction. Homework doesn't get done, they eat out every meal etc. he also seems to interact with them more when he has an audience. My dd has said when its just them he watchs a lot of tv and lets them play with each other.
He was the parent/H that would come home from work and be a couch potato. He wasn't really involved with any of us/our home. Now he has the kids every other weekend and sees them usually once during the week. He does have a better relationship with them, but anything would be an improvement. I was the one who started the visitation schedule asap after he left our home. He was taken aback when I did that, he though we were going to wait, I'm not sure what he thought we were waiting for. My thoughts were, if he wanted to experience the life of a single dad, every other weekends would be part of it. Plus, I knew I would need a break (something I rarely got when H lived with us).
Again, I apologize for a lot of my previous posts. It was one of those days when my frustrations with H and his parents got to me. The 3 of them like to look at this situation with rose coloured glasses.

[canadianMrs.]

Reading my post again, I realized that for H it probably is easier to try to be a better parent/interact with them more when you only have to do it for a short amount of time vs. living with them full time.