it's been two months since I've been living on my own and paying all the bills. My monthly bills have doubled and while I thought it was the best at the time I've started weighing my options.
I had ASSUMED that certain things were certain things. But you know what they say knowledge is power. I looked into moving to another area and was excited not scared about it. Today there was also news about possibility for career advancement which could mean more money.
You are a massive inspiration to me as you have progressed forward with a profound "higher" emotional, almost spiritual, state of mind. Everything you have posted comes from a place of peace and love, not selfishness or revenge
Your journey and WAW insights are truly a big help to me day to day.
oh FuzzyBear that is so wonderful to hear!!! I don't always feel filled with peace and love. I think that months ago I was very angry and then when I realized I still loved him I had to remind myself that even though he wasn't doing what I wanted him to do....I did want him to do what HE wanted to do. I do want him to be happy.
Aside from everything, our relationship, my feelings, the fact we're still legally married, hurt that he's in another relationship: I really really care about him. I think he's a good person, interesting, funny, loyal to a fault, kind, caring, funny, smart, intelligent, handsome, really clever he can fix anything or find out how, and I want him to be happy. We were both unhappy and I want us to find that happiness within ourselves.
What wonderful things to say about your H. I believe that in the midst of our situations, if we can continue to see our S with compassion and love without expectations, we are growing.
Hope you have a great day and week and get good news on both the career and health front!
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Got a bit of a shock today. I was searching for a file on the family computer and my search results was the file I wanted and then a pdf of a book about Alpha Males getting girls and not being a nice guy. The date modified was July 2010 which was certainly when I started pulling away from the M (when I look back)
I guess I always assumed he was oblivious in our issues. He was happy with the status quo even if there was no sex. That summer I think we went almost 10 weeks because I stopped trying.
Obviously I'm not going to ever bring that up in conversation it just makes me think.
Brit.... What was the name of the book? I actually may have read it.
It's not necessarily a bad thing especially if he used the "forbidden knowledge" to make your marriage better. I know right now he's not, but his alphaness already caught your attention didn't it?
I don't think you should bring it up, it might shake his confidence. At the same time don't be one of those women's that respects a guy less because he needed help. (the whole it's not sexy if you have to research how to be sexy)
If you tell me the name I bet it could help since well I've read more than a few.
It was by Carlos Xuma? Don't remember the name. No I won't bring it up. In fact I have been so proud of myself in not bringing things up and letting things go. Before part of my problem was even knowing that the outcome wouldn't be good I'd still bring it up or ask a follow up question about his GF or something like that.
I don't think less of him. If he did download that I'm actually impressed because it means he recognized a problem while I thought his head was firmly in the sand.
I'm looking at things a lot differently....both of incredibly unhappy but still liked each other. We would hurt one another but only because we weren't getting what we needed. But we never had ugly arguments or anything like that. Finally I took the time to figure out and admit to myself it wasn't working. And then I told him. He took ages to admit to himself and then to me that he hadn't been happy (instead of just saying that he didn't make me happy) and after months of me just looking at myself and feeling better about me I start to look at him again. And now he's looking at himself.
So today I did a bit of shopping and I'm getting my swagger back. I also thought about how big a 180 it is for me not to date. I have always been involved or had several suitors wining and dining me. I am really enjoying and taking pride in the fact that I am not dating, pursuing, etc. I'm not putting a timeline on it. IE we'll either reconcile or I'll start dating in 6 months/a year etc I'm just taking each day and learning more about myself!
Since yesterday's texts I've had no "direct" contact from H. He did comment on a FB status. But it wasn't flirty or anything.
Tonight I noticed out of nowhere that I feel more like myself than I have since maybe Jan? Maybe longer....I had a great evening with my son I'm looking forward to this weekend..he and I have a day out planned. I made a great meal and I just wasn't worrying or thinking or hurting.
I'm looking forward to when I notice that I've felt like this for days then weeks.
Earlier I said that in 2 months ago he mentioned that he had been unhappy that we were both were. I am hoping that the more he recognizes his unhappiness he will forgive me for walking away.
Good for you on the swagger shopping. I think it does help
Originally Posted By: Brit45
Tonight I noticed out of nowhere that I feel more like myself than I have since maybe Jan? Maybe longer....I had a great evening with my son I'm looking forward to this weekend..he and I have a day out planned. I made a great meal and I just wasn't worrying or thinking or hurting.
Awesome!!
Originally Posted By: Brit45
I'm looking forward to when I notice that I've felt like this for days then weeks.
Patience. There is a cycle and it's normal. Don't be too hard on yourself if this doesn't happen for awhile. That you can feel good at all is great!!
Originally Posted By: Brit45
I am hoping that the more he recognizes his unhappiness he will forgive me for walking away.
No I haven't. I know that I haven't. I Don't know if I haveb't forgiven myself be ause it's easier to blame myself and wallow a bit in self pity or because it hurts to think of him with someone else and I think that I ended it so this is what I get. This is what I wanted. Made your bed etc. I am more and more coming to terms with the facts which are that we were both unhappy and both ill equipped on how to communicate with each other. I think I'm more upset with myself for the way I acted immediately after the split. I'm seeing it all through different eyes and I'm a bit ashamed. I was selfish, thought of no one but myself, and practically threw "I'm so much happier without you" in his face.
I have never apologized to him for this (and don't worry I'm not bringing it up) I'm just remembering that anytime we talked about it I've always said "well I thought you didn't care" "why didn't you tell me you were upset I was dating" I never simply said "I'm sorry that hurt you" "I'm sorry I didn't look at it more through your eyes" so I feel that is some growth
I'm happy you said its a cycle and not to be too hard on myself. As soon as I'd thought I've had such a calm peaceful night all these thoughts keep rushing in!
