This is my journey

[needgrace]

You did make me laugh, AprilT. I needed that! I will be at work most of the day, so that will keep my mind off of it, although I do prefer your idea

SS, I love yoga but have not done it recently. I will get out my Wii and get to it. Great idea. Thank you!

[Brit45]

I need to make sure that I use this site wisely to open and heal my heart.

I think we all deal with that. You recognizing it and actually saying it is proof that will actively safe guard against it.

You're a very strong person. D hasn't been brought up in our sitch and I'm telling myself I'll deal with that if it happens. But I'm with April, get out and about.

Your introspection and musings are helping me so I am happy that you are on this site. I can empathize with you saying that you want the best for her and cringing at the idea that it might not mean a M with you in the future. I think that is the ultimate detach to love selflessly.

[needgrace]

Hey Brit,

Thanks for stopping by. You are so very sweet and I am so glad to "cyberknow" you!

I actually felt better once I posted. I think writing it helped me take some of the power out of it.

I will be okay, no matter what. I know that. Reading posts from you and others really strikes that home for me. So much has happened which is such a blessing to me in the last few months. I am having growing pains, that is for sure, but seeing and feeling my growth makes me happy!

Have a great day Brit!

[Truegritter]

I did not know that she felt like she denied her own needs and lost herself in our M

You didn't know because you're not a mind reader.

This is not yours to own.

I think your goal to grow is a good one.

This is a process. At first it is all about what your beloved is doing or not doing.

There is not much growing when you do that. When you detach and step away. You see things with more clarity.

You won't do that until you're ready. Right now you are hurting and that is normal.

When you do the work that is required to grow and move forward from this tragedy,

You will set your goals higher than just getting your spouse back.

This site is a great place to help you do that.

When I asked you why you are here. That is for you, not me.

And your answer will change over time I promise you...

If you stick with it.

[scaredsilly]

[/b]You will set your goals higher than just getting your spouse back.[b]

so, so true!

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I so wish I had had a clue before the BD. I would have done anything to work through this. that is such a bitter pill to swallow.

I wish I had a pony. : )

If you think long and hard...and are really honest, I am willing to bet (and I could be wrong) that you did have clues. You just...didn't listen to them or know what they were.

Believe it or not, this is an opportunity.
I'm not trying to sell you a turd here, either.

You, will...should let me say should become a better partner with this lesson. Is it with your W? Maybe...maybe not...but it is for you.

10 days NC? That is awesome.

[needgrace]

Hi J3B, Thank you for stopping by! I often read your posts for the wisdom (and your humor.)

Yes, hindsight is 20/20... My W had been more critical of me for a few months before the BD. I noticed it but also noticed that she was critical of everyone, our friends, people crossing the street too slowly, on and on...so I thought she was stressed about work bc she was working a lot of hours.. I was wrong.

I could had talked more, asked more, worked more on the emotional connection...

Btw, 14 days now.

[Brit45]

Hi Grace....just wanted to check in and see how you are!Thank you do much for your words on my thread.

Jack I read a few of your posts and understand your WAW came back I'd love to gain insight from your side to increase my empathy.

Okay sorry to high jack!

[needgrace]

Hi Brit, thank you for stopping by and checking in on me. i would love to hear more from Jack too to understand more about what a WAW goes through on the path back.

i have not been served the D papers yet and expect that it will be any day now. (For those new to my thread, my W was coming to town last week to file.)

I have been telling myself a few things which have helped me:

1. the timing is good. it is in my best interest to D now due to the financial aspects. If this had happened a few years ago, i would have been in trouble.

i have learned to protect myself financially in the future and will do it with W or whoever is in my life.

2. this process (she is in MLC, I believe) is going to take a LONG time. (I denied that for awhile) The OW is new and a new relationship feels fun and free and exciting. it will be some time before reality hits.

If my W has really found something deeper/richer than what we had, then there is deeper/richer out there for me too, especially with what I have learned here, from therapy and from reading.

3. I am growing and need time to continue. I am not ready for a change in our situation until I can get hold of my anxiety problem. It is bigger than our M, impacts me in all areas of my life and I have used our M to feel good enough to avoid dealing with it.

Now, I am not sure if all of the above is good DBIng and invite any and all to challenge me on it.

[needgrace]

PS: I am so so proud. I am on day 17 no contact and never thought I would be able to do it.

That 180 is huge!!