Everwhere is walking distance if you have the time

[antlers]

It's the hardest thing that most all of us have ever gone through.

[antlers]

All that is required is that you accept that which is totally unacceptable TO YOU. It's not unacceptable to everybody. Not to the world or society. Not to God. To YOU.
That which is unacceptable to you exists only through the power you give it. If you stop making it a problem, it ceases to be a problem.

Sometimes we push our own buttons.

[ClingingToHope]

Antlers, that was a little too deep for me.

I actually had a weekend with no scheduled work and no kids and I was all over the place with all kinds of different people.

It was good.

Today is a good day. I finished refinancing stuff and made my last car payment. Woo, hoo. Another big step up financially.

The meeting with the college president is Friday. I hope to finish applying for passports to Canada this week.

This weekend to me really starts summer. I have a wedding to go to Friday night -- I'm taking D13 to ceremony then going on my own to reception.

Then I have the girls Saturday, Sunday and Monday and I'm in good enough financial position that we can stay home and swim, go to the annual city festival or out to the movies. No worries.

This is going to be a very good week.

[ClingingToHope]

Very hectic week so far. Some interaction with XW. She met us to file for the passports.

Last night, D13 was upset about how the school year has gone. The lack of a real boyfriend is weighing on her heavily. Words don't help.

I did get her to laugh. She was talking about how if the school district we live in cuts its fine arts program then XW is going to move into a new district.

How she'll afford that is another matter. I didn't say that. Instead, I said I'm not going to worry about it until it happens, although I would be worried if XW tried to move to BF's area. He lives 30 minutes away in a tiny, backwards, biker bar town. (I didn't say that part)

It'd be very difficult to see them every day like I do now.

At one point, D13 said "mom's boyfriend has a name you know."

I said, "I don't care." She laughed.

I'm not sure that was the proper thing to say, but it just came out.

Big meeting tomorrow with college president about master's degree. I'm very excited and nervous.

[SunFunOne]

Wow - D13 needs a "real" boyfriend? LOL - I had crushes at that age - but I also still played with Barbies. Hopefully she won't get a boyfriend - your troubles would REALLY be starting then!

And don't feel bad about not calling XW's boyfriend by name. I called OW "maggot" - yep - even to the kids - I admit - that was not a good thing. Funny thing - they call her that too. Yep - I certainly did some things wrong.

Good luck with your meeting tomm.

Barb

[kat727]

I don't call my ex's wife by her name. I haven't come that far! At least I am not calling her skank any more (though I may slip once in a while). My d13 was telling me she really didn't know what to say to New wife's daughter that is 16 and likes to draw too. I asked what she would say to a new friend and well that got the conversation started. I said that she didn't need to dislike this girl just because of the situation. After all they are in the same situation. It isn't their fault and it is ok to like them or at least be nice.

She said she might talk with her on her next weekend there.

[mishka422]

Heck! 13 and she needs a boyfriend? WTH? I had just barely outgrown barbies by then. I didn't have a 'real' boyfriend until I was a junior in high school. I'd been on some dates, had a first kiss, etc. but a steady boyfriend? No. I saw what having those relationships did to my friends emotionally and knew that probably wasn't a good idea. At that age, girls are already too emotional and volatile! Add a boy with raging hormones into that mix and it all goes nuclear!!!

[ClingingToHope]

I saw a show on HBO that basically said the stuff that used to happen as a freshman in high school is happening in seventh grade.

Scary.

The subconscious got me last night -- mixed in two cranberry and vodkas.

Two friends from my church got married last night. I met them in spring of 2010 and both helped me get through the divorce.

I have the girls, but I made it to the reception for three hours. I drank cokes with just two vodka cranberrys. I had fun. I'll admit I had thoughts about my own wedding. It remains the best night of my life.

Then when I went to sleep I had a very vivid raunchy dream about XW. When I woke up I really wanted to go right back into the dream.

Weird how powerful your mind is.

I'm not too down about it. I have the girls all weekend. We've been having a good day today -- spending a lot -- but still fun. Tomorrow will be hot and the girls are having friends over to swim.

Oh, meeting with college president went amazingly well. Things are looking very good for the fall.

[kat727]

My d13 has had a boyfrien seemingly forever. They don't hold hands even. Just the whole world knows that they like each other.

[whatisis]

I just want to scream at you "LET THE WOMAN GO!"...but what good would it do? You'll torture yourself until you decide enough is enough. Seriously, what are you holding on to? So much of your posting is focused on her and she's been gone for over two years at least. What are you holding on to? You don't have to answer here, I'm just posing the question. There's something you are getting by holding onto to that life for so long. We don't do things unless we are getting something from it. What are you getting? If you keep holding on does it mean you're not a failure yet? I know failure is a biggie for you. So what if you just said "Yeah, I'm a failure, I f@cked up, so be it, time to make a new life" Could you do that? Why hold on and to what exactly are you holding on to?