Shaky, I didn't respond to her emails because (a) She and I have gone down this conversational dead end before, (b) Do not want to argue, (c) It's too emotional for the both of us, and (d) It's all about DB/DRing, man!
I noticed that your divorce was busted, is that right? That's wonderful and a blessing!
Alamo, Stay strong! Congrats on the year! That's what matters, you are not that person any more. That you'd even post about this here shows that.
This is an attack, and an idle threat IMO. She'd be really dumb to try and bring this up and prove it in court. But she might, you have no control over that.
You're getting good advice here, and listening.
Jon
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
Thanks so much, Jon. With everything that is unfolding here lately, it's bittersweet counting down to the year milestone. All said, I'm doing it for myself and our son. My wife (as you will read in a moment) doesn't see it that way. If she can't appreciate it, then someone else can and will.
So, UPDATE time.
Our son and I were already asleep last night when the door bell rang sometime around 11, I think. I open the door and there was my wife standing there. She said that she had to talk to me about what's going on. She said she was going to catch hell from her dad and her lawyer once they know that she came to talk to me. She cried a little because she said all the things she has been doing, they had talked her into doing them, and she's just not that kind of person.
We came into the house and sat down to talk. The conversation was about 1.25 hours, so I'll give you the gist of it.
a. She doesn't want to go into an all-out fight in court, but if she did, was 99% certain that she'd win because of the proof she has that I'm addicted to child porn.
b. A couple of times we went down the road of talking about my addiction and that she believes that I'm still the same person.
c. She talked about the pros of our son being in SC - better school system, safer, Southern culture, how family-oriented her hospital and practice is, and so on. "Why wouldn't you want E to live there?"
d. We talked about my work. I told her about the opportunity to grow in the job I'm in, which is why for once, I'm not just going to up and leave. I'm 35, it's bloody time I settle down. She says that's always what I say about each job I've been in and based on the past, has that ever happened? No. So we go down another conversational dead end.
e. I made the point that I didn't file for custody at this time to jeopardize her move. It was triggered by the infamous email she sent recently. I said "Look carefully at what I'm asking for - it's shared...joint custody. I did this because I feel that I could't live with the status quo as it is, whether we move or not."
f. So she says that if it's 50:50, then let's do that. But we'll get it in writing that she can leave the state with E and we put a plan together for when he's in SC.
g. She said that even though I'm a douche, she knows that I'm a good dad, yet she doesn't want our son to grow up like me. She just wants E to have a father in his life. (What does that even mean?!?) She brought up the child porn issue again. She said that she knows I won't molest our son, but she doesn't want our son's friends around me. She brought up how back in Malaysia she saw me pat a little girl (my god-sister) on the butt (which my entire family did playfully too - it's not appropriate in this culture, but I grew up in such a world) and how that was a red flag for her. Then she brought up my sister, yadda yadda yadda. So in short, my wife said that she has gathered enough evidence that she's definitely going to win, and that all of that will go into public records, which would hurt me.
h. We closed on the note that we'll discuss more about the 50:50 later. She initially thought that we could do it during our conversation, but she then realized that I had to go to work in the morning.
I didn't get much sleep last night, so I know there are details I missed putting down above, but I'll add as I recall them. Once I get my head back together, I will be able to build my opinion and thoughts about this unfolding of events.
My wife texted me this morning to inform me that she is drafting an agreement for 50:50 w/caveat that our son can leave with her to SC, and that she needs to know in 48-hours if I'm going to keep to my word. She then asked when we could get together to discuss a schedule for our son.
I think she's got it backwards.
So this is what I'm going to do (I also consulted with my legal team and they agreed): Meet with her and come up with a written schedule (and demands, if needed) and before signing off on anything, I will meet with my legal team to discuss what is what.
Alamo I am impressed that you didn't just shut the door right in her face after what she's been up to recently!
I'm a little suspicious of her blaming her father and her L for what she's been "put up to do" given that she then went on and seemed to be very comfortable using your past against you in your conversation as you have summarized it (please correct if I'm reading that incorrectly). Definitely don't do anything without consulting your Ls. Tread carefully when you meet with her again. Good luck.
Alamo I am impressed that you didn't just shut the door right in her face after what she's been up to recently!
I'm a little suspicious of her blaming her father and her L for what she's been "put up to do" given that she then went on and seemed to be very comfortable using your past against you in your conversation as you have summarized it (please correct if I'm reading that incorrectly). Definitely don't do anything without consulting your Ls. Tread carefully when you meet with her again. Good luck.
Thanks, Verab and thanks for dropping in.
Yes, I agree that she had and still has the power to decide on her own, rather than putting the "blame" on others. And yes, she basically dissed me on-and-off in my own house, but I thought, you know what, it couldn't hurt to hear her out, could it? As long as I didn't get emotionally dragged into the conversation, I figured I should give my wife the benefit of the doubt.
UPDATE Mother's Day was a no-brainer. I've talked to our son for the past week or so about it and what we ought to do for mom.
She loves Gerbers, so our son chose the colors. Also chose an awesome card and he wrote/scribbled on it to pretty it up. The bouquet was a little banged up by the time my wife got it on Sunday afternoon.
Our son proudly handed her the flowers when she came to pick him up from my place, followed by the card. Genuine excitement wouldn't be the word I'd use for my wife's reaction, but I guess if I were in her shoes, I'd have a hard time being happy in front of a person I'm disgusted with.
Nonetheless, I had no expectations. It was purely for our son's benefit and experience.
Speaking of his experience, this happened a few days ago: As he and I were loading up in the garage to head to daycare, he noticed the open garage of the neighbors across from us. They had two cars parked side-by-side and he asked why mommy is not parked with us. Then he teared up and said "I wish we lived in the same house, daddy." ...Heart-breaker.
UPDATE Will be meeting tomorrow evening at my wife's place to discuss what our idea of a schedule might be like. I'm still leaning towards going through the hearing proper, but we'll see.
She asked if I was coming today, and I said no, how about tomorrow?
W: I thought you said Monday. M: No, I suggested Monday OR Tuesday. W: I have your text. M: [I pulled out my phone] Let's have a look here... W: Fine, but why not tonight? M: I had a long day, so it'd be great if we could meet tomorrow. W: Why didn't you set a time? M: You asked when, I suggested the days and I was expecting you to set a time. W: So you still want me to decide for you. M: It is YOUR proposal so you're the organizer.
Then our son started drinking water straight out of his water pistol (he and I were having a water fight) and my wife told me about how he drank water from the tub with shaving cream bubbles in it.
