Me:44, W: 39 D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs) M:17, T:21+ Bomb:3/18/12 W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12 Separate since bomb Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12 No talk of D since mediation
Just journaling...I find it's nice to go back and read everything...especially the support. It helps ground me. I need to start a journal of my own...I have a friend that started a bucket list about a year ago. She has been D for 5 years now and has found that this list helps her move on and GAL.
I'm really missing my W this morning...I miss her so much every day. Moving on from your best friend of over 21 years is almost an impossibility, but I am maintaining. I find it worse in the morning...I wake up and for a split second everything seems fine and I almost expect to be laying next to her. Then it all comes rushing back...and it takes me a few minutes to calm myself down. Deep breaths...telling myself that I am a good person and that this is not all my fault. Once I get to work I feel better but that pit in my gut never goes away. It really only goes away when I'm working out...so I work out as much as I can...3-4 times a week, sometimes more even it's just getting in to get on the treadmill. I'm starting to look dead sexy and I know my W has noticed...have dropped about 40 pounds since December. Take that baby! LOL
Me:44, W: 39 D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs) M:17, T:21+ Bomb:3/18/12 W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12 Separate since bomb Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12 No talk of D since mediation
I did a bucket list recently, as well. Life is just too short not to try to do all of the crazy things you've always wanted to do. One thing that stuck out for me was that I had to be in better shape to accomplish all of the things on my list, so I'm going to start working on that.
I am still living in the same home as my H, but we're emotionally seperated and I really feel lonely, even when he's in the same room. I find when I'm busy, I have less time to focus on it. Between work and GAL activities, it has helped me cope. Maybe work on training for a 5k? That would give you something to focus on. Funny enough, it's also on my bucket list.
M:29 H:30 M:2.5 years T:13 years No kids EA:11/2011 PA:01/2012 Bomb:02/2012 H starting another EA, I had enough and we seperate: 03/08/2012 Trying to decide what I want for a change...
Hey TD - immediate posting is so exciting isn't it!
It's funny but you'll find at the most random times you'll realise you haven't been thinking or missing. That happens to me now and catches me out the blue: reading, looking on ebay, at work etc.
high five on the weight loss. I'm at 38 pounds off, two sizes down in jeans, and it's such a great feeling. He's noticed, he's commented, his mom's noticed even said "amazing, fantastic, is it a case of look what you're missing" she was laughing the whole time.
Exercise and eating healthy is a great way for me to get my mind off the situation and feel really great. I even put a little chart on my wall and mark off the pounds each time I lose one. (is that getting a life or the opposite of getting a life haha)
Journal here...I had a private journal and it turned into too much obsession. Here when I write down my thoughts I know people will read them and tell me stop all that analysing or that's the wrong train of thoughts. I've only been on this site a short time and find it a fantastic community!
Yeah, that's what I was thinking...this "journal" gives you feedback. A private journal however you're assured that you'll still have it when you need to go back and remind yourself of all this pain and what you did to move on. A website could be gone at some point, I guess...although this one has been around for awhile.
I wish I would have found this site 4 years ago...or at least started a journal then. When my W and I first separated in '08, I was totally devastated but we almost R too quick...we never did learn how to be alone and thrive and to really miss each other. I worked on myself and as noted feel I have made great strides but I got too comfortable and took it all for granted again. If I would have had this site or at least a journal, I would have had a resource to go back to remind me of the pain...and to keep fighting daily to make it all work. If for some miracle we do R...believe me, I will NEVER take this pain for granted again.
I've told friends that this D talk is the same as coping with death, in my opinion...you seem to go through the same phases of grief...I believe I'm in between pain and guilt and anger and bargaining. Only problem is that (and this may sound inconsiderate so I apologize) in death that person is gone, there's some closure...you know that person will never come back. In D...that person is still around, reminding you almost daily that you will never have them again. I need to quickly get to the upward turn, on my way to acceptance and hope.
Me:44, W: 39 D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs) M:17, T:21+ Bomb:3/18/12 W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12 Separate since bomb Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12 No talk of D since mediation
Thank you timbits...a 5k unfortunately is out of the question...knees aren't too good. But, there are many other things to put on it. Soon, I will sit down and start making it...and hopefully begin to start checking off items.
Me:44, W: 39 D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs) M:17, T:21+ Bomb:3/18/12 W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12 Separate since bomb Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12 No talk of D since mediation
Mediation is a week from today...I'm really nervous. I really want to stay positive throughout but if I don't agree with the outcome it could get ugly...lawyers will have to get involved if my W expects me to just roll over. Take the money without having to deal with S...a WAW dream it appears. I'm sure her sister, who D last year is filling her head with grand illusions...misery does love company.
How fun it is that our society makes D so easy today...forget the commitment...you can give up, forget the last 21+ years of friendship and loving times...take half his salary and live large...fantastic!
Sorry...just venting...I wish this would just all be over. I just know that if W would listen to her heart she will see that this is the wrong path...her head has taken over. That, and I'm sure family is pushing her making it hard for her to step back. Who knows...the mediation may open her eyes a bit...we'll see. The count down continues...tick, tick, tick...
Me:44, W: 39 D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs) M:17, T:21+ Bomb:3/18/12 W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12 Separate since bomb Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12 No talk of D since mediation
I was going through some files at work and came across and old Christmas letter from 2003 that I wrote about our family...it was very cute...and i sent it to W. No reply...was that wrong?
Me:44, W: 39 D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs) M:17, T:21+ Bomb:3/18/12 W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12 Separate since bomb Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12 No talk of D since mediation
First and foremost congratulations on the weight loss man! I am trying to get back on that train myself, a great thing for the WAW's of the world to take notice of for sure...
I will say I have done the same thing with prior "good times" correspondence. I received no response and also the response to "please don't send me these things they just push me further away". Subconsciously I still think that type of thing has to make them think... The book and 37rules don't recommend it, but I live by the fact there are exceptions to every rule.
Keep your chin up and good luck with your sitch!
me 38 W 30 T 3 M in 05/2010 Separated 08/2011 Stephchildren (all hers) SS17, SS12, SD8 I filed 8/27, she countered I filed response 9/5 Anxiously waiting on the judge!
I would say a big fat NO to those happy time correspondence!
Let's say you had a cut on your finger that was healing. Sometimes when you're doing every day thing like typing, buttoning a shirt, you realised you couldn't use that finger and you think gosh I forgot how much I relied on that finger...You just take it for granted. The pain hurt but you also remembered a tiny bit how much you needed it.
Then lets say someone shook your hand and squeezed that finger really hard and said see if your finger wasn't cut that wouldn't hurt. Or out nowhere they poked you right in the cut. And you think that really hurts.
That's what you're doing!! Yes you remind her that the relationship is over but do YOU want to be that reminder? Also you might think you're reminding her of the bad times but if she's ensuring that she's being stubborn about this all she'll do is reread that correspondence to find something she never liked or find something that underlines her decision.
