Retrouvaille Bound!!! (time for a new thread! )

[needgrace]

So happy for you, JL, and the progress you have made on yourself and your M. Very inspiring for the rest of us. Btw, do you happen to know if RV accepts lesbian couples? I know it is connected with the Catholic faith but I could not find the info online. Thank you

[jlove]

It sounds like you are doing great! Keep up the great work!

I'm sure you've mentioned this before, but how did you get your wife to go to Retrouvaille? I'm just curious...

I sent her the link and asked her about it about 3 months before. She didn't want to go, then after a big argument we got in during a heated moment, she said she'd go and at least check it out. I signed us up and she reluctantly stuck with it. She even said after the confirmation phone call that there was no way she was going to any post meeting workshops. I just said let's see how it goes and now she is on board and trying to work it. It's been a miracle for our relationship and I think will end up saving our M.

[jlove]

So happy for you, JL, and the progress you have made on yourself and your M. Very inspiring for the rest of us. Btw, do you happen to know if RV accepts lesbian couples? I know it is connected with the Catholic faith but I could not find the info online. Thank you

Thank you for the kindness! I don't know if they do or not, but you could e-mail the contact for your local RV and ask. Good luck in your sitch! J

[jlove]

RV went well yesterday. We are getting into the decision to love. I have always believed it to be a decision, W not really. She has been caught up on the fleeting feeling, but hearing it from others and ironically she has the book but hasn't read it.

She is making progress in starting to realize that I have been the one doing the lifting now (I call it my cross to bear) and she has to pick up and thinking about deciding to love again and how to express that. We are still baby steps, but talking all this though is progress and she is trying now by more than "just being there."

Her expressing this gives me strength to carry on, even if I'm still not getting all back in return now that I need. Day by day...

J

[sweetbabyred]

I'm so glad that things are going well for you. There will always be good and bad days/times, but at least she's willing to work on things with you. That is so great to hear.

[vera be fierce]

J it is great to read about your progress, thank you for sharing your story!

[jks]

So happy for you! Sounds like things are really taking a turn for the better!

[jlove]

Still day by day. We keep up with the daily RV dialogue and discussions. W said that is her showing her commitment to me now. I see that, still hard for me when my intimacy tank is so low after 6 months of this. I believe that the re-establishment of dialogue will open up for intimacy down the road though.

I know I have it better than some here, not really complaining, just venting. I am human and I have those thoughts at times that maybe I'd be better off leaving her and finding another one of the millions of women out there looking for a good man. I don't really want to do that, and I think about the example I'm setting for my kids, just can't help but think at times.

Later,
J

[~ kd ~]

I think about the example I'm setting for my kids

This is so important.

As with many things in these sitches, there are those polar thoughts of staying together "for the kids" and the kids should not be a reason to stay in an unhappy M.

My opinion is you are asking the right question.

Regardless of what you do, what example are you setting for the kids...

A person could leave an abusive M and still set a bad example, just as a person staying in a good M and setting a bad example.

Creating a positive context and showing positive behaviour regardless of the sitch is an awesome path.

[jlove]

Dialogue has been going well this week. Talking about R in non-confrontational ways is key. W in non-confrontational by nature, so I make headway there.

She seeks a peaceful home, and I have been at peace with myself the last month, so that is going smoother. Last night we talked about Trust, and how I was blown away as I had always trusted her unconditionally until the last 6 months. She really has a kind nature, but I think got so "checked out" that she lost herself in the EA fog. We haven't talked about it lately, but I think she really regrets what she did, knows it's wrong, and is trying to right it. I think me constantly beating it over her head further drove her away the 1st 4 months after bomb.

So, I have to forgive and let it go. I have, but it's the not forgetting part that's hard. It gets better over time, but after losing trust, there's still that doubt at times. It does get better.