I have succeeded in most of the 37 points. A few are difficult to address because he is away for work most of the time. One extra thing one needs to take care of (point 38?), is the financial aspects. Make sure that you protect your financial assets. 'Cause they can spend spend spend. I would like to talk about nr. 33 ... after a certain amount of time, and after trying all you know to try, I think it's okay to move on. It would be up to the individual, but when/if you do give up, don't feel guilty. I'm still here after 7 years because I have detached to a point that I don't care if he comes home or not. He always asks if it's okay, and I always reply, "it's your house too, so whatever." I am not needy, or express any feelings of love, but I am friendly to him, as if he's a guest. And, we are in separate bedrooms. I have redecorated mine, and after a time, he redecorated his ... what that means, I don't know and don't care.
Just keep it cool, friendly, and detached. You are doing great, and there have been baby steps. Don't react to those steps, though.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I guess that Im lucky in the finance department. He doesnt spend our money. He got an inheritance in 2010, and he's spending that. I dont care since I'd never see that money anyways. Lately, I have been throwing out some truth darts. He is uncomfortable in answering them but, he does. Thats a big improvement from hearing what I do is none of your business! He was like a working machine around the house this weekend, stayed busy all weekend.
He seemed to be enjoying it too. Of course I noticed and told him I appreciated it. Before I don't think that I ever gave him much praise on the things that he did around the house. Didnt understand that was his love language. Now I do. things were good at home.
Well, I havent been here for awhile. Things at my house are OK. I see small changes in my husband. He seems nicer, sometimes when he is faced with a task or decision, I see that he gets frustrated, and gets upset. Doesnt really take it out of me, just talks to himself and goes around the house like a bull.
Hes able to pull himself out of it quickly. It amazes me how fast he can change, like a flip of a switch. Lucky for me most of the time hes nice.
He stays to himself still. Doesnt watch TV with the family. We have meals together and he seems like his old self, joking, teaching me and the girls.Like old times. I do see a new guy in there once in awhile. He has hyperbonded with our girls and will step out of his comfort zone for them. He will now come to me when he wants to show me something on his I-pad, or share how work is. This is all new.
He told me at BD that he wanted to move out of the bedroom and that never happened, and he told a month or so that he didnt want to leave the bedroom. Hasnt mentioned wanting a divorse since last year. Use to refer to it as the date but doesnt do that anymore either.
I guess, I can say that I have seemn babysteps. Its hard to be patient, I want more. I know that has to do this in his own time. Its been 16 months and never would I have thought that we would be together.That was before I learned about MLC. Now I just hope that Im not into this for years and years.
Well, that s about it, just living in limbo really.
