regarding your post about getting off moderation. You may already be, and you will know that is true when you post and it shows up immediately.
In the mean time, post short... post in others threads to provide support, even if it's just "yeah, I feel for you, hang in there" (which most newbies have indicated they really appreciate... support, not just advice, is important to folks here)...
Posting 10 times a day won't get you unmoderated faster... i don't think... but post at least daily on your thread... and you will be off moderation as quicker as possible....
I get a sense that now is not the time to reason, debate, discuss or negotiate. It's all about her feelings, the music, the uncertainty, the desire to escape, the doubt, the guilt - it can be overwhelming. You need to be a rock, a lighthouse, a tower of strength.
Some might disagree and say you shouldn't be just a back up plan, but hey, if you become a man only a fool would leave, then a fool's a fool. You can't do anything about that.
But you can listen. Just STFU and listen. Remember, this is all about whether she feels staying with you is going to be the same ole same ole or better than before, lasting changes, permanant changes - that takes a lot of time. Sometimes it takes more, maybe seperation even, but don't be discouraged.
Be prayin' for ya. Pic.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
In a less crisis sitch, I totally agree with pickle that for the most part... woman want men to be their strength and to be present for them... and men just want their W's to be happy... and to feel that they have contributed to that happiness...
I don't even know that by totally giving to one's spouse in an unconditional and loving way... regardless of what we get back... especially if we don't get back... that we can't turn our sitches around...
The beauty of DBing... the books (DB and the newer, DR) and this forum are great resources to help us navigate some of the obstacles we find ourselves in...
I think what most of us find is... the only thing in our way... is ourselves...
Pic: That's been my problem this whole time...until now. I've tried to reason, debate, discuss, etc...to no avail. I understand that this is now about what she is feeling.
I intend to listen...plain and simple, and make the right changes to improve my inner core.
I've bounced around through blogs, books, and otherwise these last few weeks and finally landed here last week (I hope not too late). I've seen some wonderful advice being shared and some amazing turnaround success stories here. I'm glad I found an outlet here and look forward to sharing my own story (however it concludes).
Took a leap of faith this morning that I hope will pay dividends....
There's been lack of trust on W's and my part for almost a month now. To help mitigate that, W provided me with email password and I used that to gain access to FB account last week. I haven't trusted much these days.....I feel terrible doing it b/c I didn't trust and I've essentially cut off outlets for to connect with that might also help her through this process. In an effort to continue with my own 180, I want to give her those outlets back. I've asked her to change her passwords so she can gain pieces of her life back. My hope is that this will help to restore a little faith back in each of us.
I so want to trust her and I'm tired of my own guilt and the lying. As I left for work this morning, I felt a calming sensation warm over me. It feels quite freeing to not feel the need to spy, I can only hope that I will not be let down by this.
One more thing: Don't try to "guilt" her into anything. That usually doesn't work and actually takes away from your attraction. Do what gets positive results, discard what brings negatives.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
I'm sorry for your situation. I know it's difficult. I don't have much for advice, but hang in there. You can control yourself and take a break from your thoughts. I find that in these tough times happiness becomes a choice. You can choose to take a break and be happy.
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
Found wife and OM at a park today for a meetup (youngest daughter was in tow as well). I'm devastated. Find out that this was scheduled since Sunday. Filled with anger, disappointment, and betrayal over this. Can there be any way back from this?
We've lied sooo much to each other these last few weeks that I'm tired of it....I want to trust her, she wants to trust me....how can two people begin to restore trust in each other when there's little to go on?
Should I forgive her for this? I'm not sure why, but I think I want to....Should she forgive me for the lies and spying that I've committed? I want her to.
I want to forgive (and her forgive me as well) for the sake of our family....for our kids, the possible future...I still believe in the belief that this can work. Am I a fool for thinking this? Can there be a return to happiness if we can work through this?
I'm so sorry. I'm equally sorry that moderation is delaying your posts at this time. You will be approved shortly.
Forgive your wife. Just do it. Just begin again. Be kind, patient, it will pay off GREATLY in the end, you will never regret that. There is ALWAYS time to cut things short. Right now, open your heart to as much understanding as you can.
Be good to yourself as well. Cut yourself that same kind of slack, while giving yourself no other out but...improvement.
Been a few days since my last update, so I thought I'd share in the latest.....
W and me are on moderate speaking terms....not really talking about M or R at this point. We're co-existing together I guess. Trying very hard to work on the 37 rules and I must say, I do feel better about myself. A few things I've done:
-Been working out for the last week with weights....I forgot what it felt like to have testosterone flowing through my body. Incredible feeling -I've stopped snooping, no pulse-checking, no R talk
We've lied to each other soooo much in the last month and I hope we can turn the corner to be able to forgive. She's so distant and angry with me b/c of what I did (told her parents, etc...). I hope that we can begin to forgive each other for this.
