Moving Right along Part 2

[mindfull]

Sheesh, Kaffe. I was just beginning to like you!!! LoL

I won't answer FOR Autumn... But, I'll comment about the sitch...

Sometimes, you're just... Done... Being in limbo.

(ok, totally transferring my own sitch to this!!!)

[~ kd ~]

lol mindfull... Wait for it...

Where r u @, Autumn?

[Starsky309]

Right... I get it, Autumn...

But I will be perfectly honest here and say that I am reading the posts of a walk away spouse, right now...

too little, too late...
i deserve better...
i love him, but I'm not IN love with him... actually, i don't know that I even love him...
he never paid attention...
he's just using a tactic, playing some game, to win me back...
we'll be right back where we were...

I would not suggest you go to MC WITH him... if he wants to go... if he wants to fix the M... then let him do the work, in the same way that you were planning to let him do the work to get D...

Why are you deciding that YOU want to do the work for the D... HE is the one that left YOU... let HIM do the work, one way or the other...

and you... you get to work on you...

make sense?

There are many ways why the comparison fails, Kaffe, but I'll just point out the BIGGEST one, from my perspective:

A WAS operates based purely on EMOTION: "I don't FEEL like staying marriage anymore," etc. Autumn, from what I've seen, has based her decisions on LOGIC and PRAYER.

Heck, if anything, her emotions are telling her to give him yet another chance.


Starsky

[~ kd ~]

I agree, starsky. That's where I am at, right now in my sitch.

I am done and I am very happy with my decision to move on.

BUT...

If my W said to me she wanted to try... now... FINALLY...

"Hey honey... go to town... Convince me that the M could be different. Go to MC if you want. Invite me if you want after a few sessions. I'm willing to see if those feelings come back, but I promise nothing."

I seen Autumn coming from a different place.

I still see pain and anger in her decision...

But I could be completely wrong and off base, there...

[~ kd ~]

Actually, what I see even more than pain and anger... or what comes out as pain and anger...

is I see BLAME coming through in her responses...

And that, for me, is a core aspect of WAS...

[mindfull]

I'd blame his ass, too. He's a mutiple time cheater.

But, I understand where you're coming from...

[mishka422]

I too understand where you are coming from Kaffe but there is a point where everyone has to decide when enough is enough.

After multiple affairs and multiple chances Autumn has obviously had enough. After having your trust obliterated so many times, you just have to know when it can't be rebuilt.

[~ kd ~]

Yup and yup, mindfull and mishka...

I still wait to hear from Autumn...

[mishka422]

She went to her dad's so I'm sure she's not able to respond. I'm thinking Monday some time.

[ncl]

Autumn,

I've followed your threads from when you first started posting. I don't know that I've ever commented, but I have admired your strength and grace in difficult circumstances. As a former WAW and LBS with a 4-year history of some terrible and seemingly hopeless marital problems, I will say that I'm so very glad I gave my marriage every shot possible, even when I no longer wanted to. Six months into reconciliation done the right way (the DB day), life at home is better than I ever expected possible.
If you haven't taken the opportunity to consult with a DB coach, I strongly suggest it, considering the circumstances. There are many people here and in your personal life who care for you deeply, but the DB coaches and the moderators here are the professionals.
I wish you happiness and peace and the very best for you and your family. Take care, ncl