Very good, Autumn. If you feel the need to respond to him, or even proactively call him or text him something, please post here first. We'll talk some sense into you.
Starsky
I'm on board with that and anything I can do to help as well.
Hi Autumn, I wish I had helpful words but just wanted you to know I'm reading your posts and thinking of you.
so true^^^^....I shook my head while reading your post. WTH is he doing/thinking? Did you say he drank too much before and I just missed it?
So he SAYS he is getting therapy...good.
OKAY--Let's keep this simple.
You KNOW you have to see a lawyer. That's how you protect yourself AND your cubs.
Get information and learn your rights in your state. (I'd Say nothing of this to your h. He can't handle it.)
Then see how you feel on that front.
And as for your m to your h, take it one day at a time.
Are you Getting real life support there? Please do, and feel free to check/call my# from eric.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I was married to an alcoholic for many years and until they get, and stay, sober, there is no hope of anything real with them. It is a very cruel, destructive, and progressive addiction. And very, very few are able to beat it. I can say with absolute honesty that I would rather deal with a heroin addict; that's how much I hate alcoholism. Alcohol triggers the most evil part of the human brain. The only thing you can do is detach and save yourself. I'm so very sorry.
While I agree that alcoholism is a horrible disease, I disagree that few can over come it.
I know many people who were drinking alcoholics who are now NOT drinking alcoholics.
And it is possible to have something real with an alcoholic while they are sober, even if it is only part of the day.
Nothing is so black and white...
Additionally, groups exist for the family memebers of alcoholics to assist them in being able to deal with the illness in whatever way they choose, even continuing to live with a drinking alcoholic.
Alanon comes to mind...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
AL, go DARK now. Enough texting. Your job right now is to settle your mind. That is a difficult enough task to accomplish on its own.
You are NOT there to placate him and you should not be telling him anything. That INCLUDES not texting him to let him know that you are safe. Give him time to weigh in the consequences of his actions. I agree with Starsky that he should feel like he has lost you.
This means NO CONTACT whatsoever with him. If he was truly worried about your well-being he would have thought of that beforehand.
AL, go DARK now. Enough texting. Your job right now is to settle your mind. That is a difficult enough task to accomplish on its own.
You are NOT there to placate him and you should not be telling him anything. That INCLUDES not texting him to let him know that you are safe. Give him time to weigh in the consequences of his actions. I agree with Starsky that he should feel like he has lost you.
This means NO CONTACT whatsoever with him. If he was truly worried about your well-being he would have thought of that beforehand.
^^^
This also has the benefit of helping you cope. It will give you the breathing room to rest and gather your strength. If you feel the urge to contact. Just journal. It will be difficult as you will give yourself a thousand reasons to contact him.
So write them down. And write a reason not to. To keep it in balance.
Remember. This is to protect you. And allow you the breathing room to take good care of yourself and your emotions. IT will help you with the DB path.
And remember if it is something very important to break contact. Follow the 24 hour rule. If it is important in 24 hours. Then its important. Then use your lawyer, or someone else to communicate.
Silence allows you to heal. Silence allows you to actually see that this all happens slower than your mind is tricking you into thinking.
Protect yourself now.
Gain strength and sanity.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
No one has said Autumn's H is an alcoholic. He's definitely using it as a crutch right now, and maybe she does think so... but I don't see those words, or any other conversation that might make you think so... (unless I forgot something from the other thread)
And...
She's doing well staying off of his roller-coaster. The pitch black, ZERO contact, blahblahblah is superb advice. But, remember, this information about the EA's/Possible PA's just came to light. She's still trying to wrap her arms around what she's dealing with. He still lives in their home, parents their sons, etc...
I think the guy is a royal douche, but... one step at a time.
She's NOT engaging him. She's NOT being trapped into conversations. She's doing well, not perfect, but pretty well!
I think she understands her next steps. I've talked to her quite a bit off forum, so I probably understand a bit better. But, she's doing great.
Let's not get ahead of ourselves, and help her as she needs it when she needs it.
Oh, and Autumn... these people are some of the very best from the group that helped me... so much.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
