X called me once threatening to "sic" OM on me describing how tough he was, had broken most of the bones in his body (cause he was a jock) and concluding he would "rock" my world.
I asked, "Has he ever been shot?"
end of convo
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
IB I do not understand why the wedding is an issue. And I have been there on this one.
You can simply say 'No OW' That is what my son did, and xh came and OW didn't. I realise that the games are a bit different, but is there a wider issue here with setting and enforcing boundaries for you and your family?
Some of those boundaries aren't Irish's to set though ... ie, the wedding or the games.
I've been there. And it [censored] [<-- why is the word s u c k s censored anyway???] ... but it is what it is, and rest assured the rest of the world does notice, but most of us have been raised to not say anything in those awkward or difficult moments, always the manners eh?
A lot of this process seems unfair. It just does, and you know why? Because it is. So finally, I stopped keeping score. What happens to them, how they live their life, where they go and don't go ... none of it is my business frankly, and it stopped mattering a long time ago.
Took me a long time to let it go. A little more than a year and half ... and I can pinpoint the day I did. December 23, 2011. Some of my friends and family think I'm crazy to have any kind of relationship with OW, but it took way too much emotional energy to keep the hurt fires burning. My life is good, and full, and happy. I am a very lucky woman.
Anyway ... all of that to say, it ain't fair Irish, it just isn't. And yes, boundaries are super important, but unfortunately they're not always ours to set. Better to keep pushing yourself towards healing and peace (and yes, I know this is harder to do when she's in your face all the time) so that one of these days you'll just chuckle when they do something stupid.
(((hugs))) PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
I do understand what you are saying PEI. I am just looking forward to a break from having to see them together.
I was driving home today and suddenly it dawned on me...I AM DIVORCED! For a moment I thought it wasn't real but it has actually almost been 2 years. It's crazy what I have been through. But my next act will be to stop avoiding taking care of myself. I want a TRANSFORMATION - not a makeover:) Guess it starts with me:)
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Irish, I hear you! I'm glad to see that the light bulb finally went "click"! Yes, your transformation starts w/you. Spring is right around the corner...what are you planning for the spring break?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Irish, I'm so glad you have plans for the spring break. Sounds to me like the sun and fun will be just what the doctor ordered up for you. It's not that far away!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Can I tell you the title of this thread is so appropriate tonight... My son had asked me back in November if his friend could stay with us - bad home life. I say of course. So it's all wonderful and such - until today. Son and friend get into a horrible fight and friend threatens him - hits him, etc. Son tells him to get out / friend refuses / fight continues - son calls police. I am at work - leading a group of administrators in training. Get call this is going on. I ask my son - "were you afraid" - he answers "yes" - I said, "then you did the right thing."
In the meantime - I am thinking to myself AGAIN - how did my life turn so trashy? If I was am still married - XH would have been here and it would not have happened. I feel obliged to tell XH that police were here and let him know what happened. Why did I feel obliged? I don't really know except that I felt the situation was significant.
Any way...I wish for my old life back. I wish for the companionship of my XH, sharing these types of issues with him / I miss his judgment in these circumstances...
I promise I am just venting - but it's major.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Irish, I understand the need to tell your xh about the incident, i.e., son is still living at home, etc. However, if you look at it another way, this situation would most likely still have taken place whether your xh was living at home or not. Your son did the right thing by calling the police. Your son's friend needs help, but it's not your place to provide this to him or provide him a place to stay any longer. He crossed the line when he became abusive towards your son.
Your life trashy? No, it is not...you are trying to do the right thing and this could have happened to any of us. So, please do not judge your life by it...look at all you have accomplished on your own and you are still going strong and moving forward. Life tends to throw us curve balls, what we do with them when we catch them is what it is all about.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I.B. Why would you think your life wouldn't be trashy if your XH was in it? A lot of times we make false assumptions about things and we build our former spouses up for more than what they are. I believe you miss and are in love with the "idea" of him, than for what he really is.
