Quick post tonight, then I'm off to bed. Still fighting a nasty cold/flu!
Spent several hours with my W today at the hospital. She is still in ICU but her heart rate continues to slowly come down from the staggering heights it was on for 6 days!
As sick as she has been, it was only today that we learned her official condition. At one point and for several days, she was in "critical condition". She has since been upgraded to "serious condition".
My W and I talked about this and we were both pretty shocked. I asked her if she was ever very afraid of the outcome of her condition and she said it was the day I took her to the emergency room. She could barely breath that day.
She asked me the same thing and I told her it was that day AND the day we got the results from the cardiogram where her EF #'s were in the toilet. I told her that I was very scared for her and thought then that she might not make it.
It was a sobering moment for both of us to be sure.
A few days ago, I mentioned that I had offered to rub my W's back and that she had let me do it. Today, she asked me if I would rub her back, which I did. She was moaning the entire time I was rubbing her back. She must really be tensed up!! I also found it fascinating that with all the IV saline that has been pumped through her system, her skin literally feels like silk! Very odd, but kind of cool!
Anyway, we had a good visit and she really seems to be improving with each passing day. We talked a little about plans post release and I told her that I would be available to help her for as long as was needed and as long as she wanted. She didn't seem to object in the slightest.
Emotionally, I am prepared to get my W back to health and then continue on my path forward without her. I even envision telling her goodbye and heading off.
Will that vision become a reality? Who knows. Only time will tell, I suppose.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Glad she's improving and that she is open to your assistance. As tough as it is, you seem to have your head in the right place for what you need to do.
Which maybe this isn't the time, but I gotta ask you about the second line in your signature. "you can have power or love, but not both. Choose wisely."
Do you think love is powerless? I'm seeing you display some strong unconditional love and you don't seem powerless to me at all. What's your definition of power?
And by the way, you impress me with the choices and actions you take.
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
CES67 - "Which maybe this isn't the time, but I gotta ask you about the second line in your signature. "you can have power or love, but not both. Choose wisely."
Do you think love is powerless? I'm seeing you display some strong unconditional love and you don't seem powerless to me at all. What's your definition of power?"
I don't think love is powerless. In fact I think just the opposite. But in the context of my signature block what I'm saying is that you can have power (i.e. control) or love. But if you try to have both, you are likely doomed to failure and will end up where we are now.
Love is work, power or control is easy. People often choose the easy path, (like me) and they eventually fall on their face, (like me).
Grmpy_Mnky - "Good job holding it all together 2!"
It ain't easy, let me tell you! It is a very tiring and induces grey hair and other follicular challenges.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Love is work, power or control is easy. People often choose the easy path, (like me) and they eventually fall on their face, (like me).
Thanks for the explanation. I figured you had a good one. I agree, "control" can be a major issue and can push away love. Just making sure you recognized the power in your loving actions!
Hope today brings more good stuff for you & your W. Now go to work! (and I will too)
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
So glad to hear that your w is improving 2. That must of been an extremely stressful few days and I'm happy you have a chance to take a couple breaths.
Your W and kids are so fortunate to have you in their lives. Whatever the outcome of your M, your boys have seen the true example of love in the flesh. Think of what you have given them and the world by your actions.
My W was released from ICU this afternoon. Yeah!!!! She is still sick but the Dr's feel like things can be controlled from a regular hospital room. Don't know when she will be released from the hospital.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
