So H called while I was at work and told me he got off early and was headed to his friend's house in NC. I tried to end the call early, but he wanted to chat, and asked how my day was going. I did end the call first though!
He called again midway his trip to "check-in" again. Said he was making great time. I told him at that rate he'd get there before 8. The trip is only about 4 hours with good traffic. He just called and said he had arrived. This would mean he's actually going to Vegas with his friend and not OW. But something is telling me not to trust this. He could have just called me early before he got to the OW's house. I didn't ask him any questions. Just mostly talked about the drive down.
I know I shouldn't even be thinking about this. But I am...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
MANTRA FOR THE WEEKEND: I CANNOT control what H does. I can only control me. (Repeat as necessary)
Well H and I texted back and forth for a few minutes last night (initiated by him). He told me that his bf was just throwing clothes into a bag, and said what he didn’t have he would buy when he got to Vegas. (This is where bf and I agree. LOL) So we had some laughs about that. He then called me to say goodnight and said he’d call me before they boarded the plane today. And he did. And the time corresponded to the itinerary he gave me. (Yes, I checked. I couldn’t help it!) Said he would call me once he landed in Vegas.
I’m still skeptical though. And I’m not sure why. I used to be the kind of person that never trusted anybody. And then H came along, and while it took a while, I began to trust him completely. And then he started doing stupid stuff, and here I am. That makes me sad. And reminds me of my mother. I don’t want to go back to being the bitter, leery of all men kind of person I was. I really do love my husband, and I need to figure out if and how trust will be there again if we do R.
I’m really looking forward to my weekend. Going to see New Edition (the group that Bobby Brown is a part of) on Friday. My sister, my friend April, and I have been groupies since we were kids. H helped me arrange to have t-shirts made by one of his friends.
I’m looking forward to getting lots of sleep on Saturday, then head back home on Sunday. H is flying back late Sunday, but isn’t supposed to be home until Monday (OW’s birthday. GRRR)
MANTRA FOR THE WEEKEND: I CANNOT control what H does. I can only control me. (Repeat as necessary) . . . I’m still skeptical though. And I’m not sure why. I used to be the kind of person that never trusted anybody. And then H came along, and while it took a while, I began to trust him completely. And then he started doing stupid stuff, and here I am. That makes me sad. And reminds me of my mother. I don’t want to go back to being the bitter, leery of all men kind of person I was. I really do love my husband, and I need to figure out if and how trust will be there again if we do R.
This is hard. Figuring out how to trust is a major step to R and I think you are right to think about it. It seems to be something you would take up in earnest once you are firmly in the piecing stage. I feel that you and I are at the same kind of "wait and see" step right now. In the meantime, by all means continue your GAL efforts and keep repeating your mantra. Nothing good will come of obsessing over OW right now. I am also working hard to NOT attempt to interpret every single thing that my H says or does. it is what it is, we are moving in a positive direction and I will just have to be patient and work on myself as much as possible. Have a wonderful weekend.
Mimi
M:37; H:37; M:10 years;T:13 years;no kids. Bomb ("I love you, but don't feel things for you I should":1/08/12 Separated (H living with various friends:1/18/12 Separated (H rented his own apartment:3/4/12
Mimi - One day at a time. That's all I've got right now. I interpret by nature, so changing that is really hard for me. But I am working on it. Patience isn't one of my fine characteristics either, so this whole process is making me look at life completely different.
