The continuing saga of Kolja

[kolja]

I have the sense right now she's running AWAY. The impression I get is that she took the job she did down there because there was nothing here. But it's tough to tell. There could be more in play, considering the bridges she's trying to burn with her family, with whom she HAD been quite close.

Also interesting is that in the petition she asked to have her surname changed back to her original maiden name - the one of her biological father, who left when she was an infant. She positively loathes him and has never even referred to him as her father, only calling him "sperm donor"

[kolja]

Minor update - not much about the wife, I'm pretty sure she made it safe to Arizona but that's all. But today I had a nice 90 minute visit with my counselor. At the end, she didn't have any suggestions for me - because she said she thought I was doing all the right things for myself and in the situation, such as it is. It was nice validation. So, even though it's been all of three days since my wife hit the road for another state leaving a dissolution petition on the counter, I actually feel pretty decent all things considered...

[purgatory]

Happy V-Day to an awesome guy!!
I'm renaming it Victory-Day for all us LBsers!!!

[kolja]

Thanks, purg!

Same to you and everyone else!

Pretty busy day at work so not much time to chat, but a bunch of us did go out for lunch so there's that...

[labug]

He's a poet...

[kolja]

Heh - so busy in fact, I didn't even notice that.

I was going to write an update, but there isn't anything to really update. But I'm doing alright with it though - to be honest, today I'm more perturbed about the fact that with the meetings today, I've been eating like garbage all day and had to forgo the pool this morning!!

[kolja]

A week after she hit the road, I heard from my wife tonight.

Of course, it was just to tell me she had a new address and ask about her monthly payment (right ON payday so it's not like I was dragging my feet).

Coincidentally enough I had just written a check to drop off at her bank (it's a national one). I had debated texting her to tell her, but reflected on it, and realized the only thing my telling her about it would do would be to ADVERTISE it so I'd feel better and see what kind of reaction I would get. In other words, nothing ACTUALLY constructive. So I thought better of it; I figured I'd let the depositing speak for itself.

Then of course she asks about it

I told her I was glad she had made it there safe and sound, then left it at that.

[2thepoint]

"I had debated texting her to tell her, but reflected on it, and realized the only thing my telling her about it would do would be to ADVERTISE it so I'd feel better and see what kind of reaction I would get. In other words, nothing ACTUALLY constructive. So I thought better of it; I figured I'd let the depositing speak for itself."

Good for you Kolja! The self awareness is so important and then to act on what you become aware of in a way that is different from before shows growth on your part. Keep the changes going!

[kolja]

Thanks 2tp! Always good to get some feedback and validation.

Strangely, despite the subject matter (she also asked if I put the dissolution petition in the mail), I feel good about the whole thing. I'm pretty happy with the way I handled it, and I'm actually quite happy to have heard from her soon after her hitting the road (1 week). I don't say that from a place of mind reading (reading significance into it - it IS payday and she probably could really use the cash) but from a place of gratitude - with the physical distance between us I realize that the opportunities to show her "a husband worth coming back to" may very well be few and far between. I had the opportunity and don't feel that I squandered it.

[kolja]

Deposited her first check today. It was a little strange - not that I regret the agreement we came to (because it did - for the most part - change the tone of our conversations for the better). I guess it was more of a feeling that I wish it hadn't come to this - while at te same time I realize the time apart is necessary for the both of us...