labug - Good question. Are you trying to say I'm mind reading? ;-)
He kept asking me if I was okay, if I needed anything, was I not feeling well, etc. Then when I did go in to ask him a question, you would have thought I pulled sunshine out of my pocket with the way he perked up. LOL
Maybe I'm reading to much into this...I just want to make sure I'm doing this right. Overachiever that I am. *smirk*
I just told him I was fine and that my allergies were acting up (which they were). But I just realized as I was typing this, that I was not looking him in the eye when I was talking to him. That's one of my 180s. To actually take an interest when he's talking. That's one of his issues. And I totally was NOT doing that.
Okay, I so get it now.
Thanks labug for putting this into perspective for me. I feel like I'm getting wound too tightly again. Gonna leave work early today and enjoy the sunshine. I think I need it. I think I might need to talk to someone about my anxiety too. It's beginning to be a little too much.
"Are you ok?" can be just asking if you're emotionally stable but more often than not it translates into "are you upset with me?" and "are you enjoying your time with me?". I got this question all the time with my W when I was unusually quiet or depressed and not showing it. Just a thought. But sometimes the spouse needs to know it's not them it's you.
If you're really depressed and can't shake it, then it might be time to get yourself on some prescription anti-depressants like SSRSs or mood stabilizers. You can go the homeopathic route with SAM-E or 5HTP, and a little extra caffeine but these choices are less potent and you can develop a tollerance much faster.
Even on those you will need to distract yourself from the negative thoughts and make yourself happy. If you can find it in you to 180 as soon as possible and show him a wonderful and charming you that's 110% better I promise you he will want to open up a little more and be friendlier. But in your situation you need to get out more because there's nowhere you can sulk in private. So go to a movie by yourself and cry your eyes out when you need to or join free classes for tango or martial arts once a week to get all your pent up feelings worked out physically.
When you return only show him a woman that's he will want to be around. Make it hard for him to leave that incredible person you really are and not this depressed mess that he wants to get away from.
NS - I think you are right about the "Are you ok?" thing.
I will look up the supplements you mentioned. I am ok most days around him. I think I need to try to stick to my workout schedule as possible. But lately, it's all I can do to get out of bed.
Things still feel off in the house. Maybe it's me and my PMS. LOL Just hanging at home tonight. Was going to the movies but my allergies have me feeling like crap. :-(
I feel your pain on that. It's not so much the depression that hits hardest, it is the waiting and delayed gratification that kills. The only thing you can take comfort in knowing is that it hits them just as hard if not harder than you, though your spouse may not show it.
BE KIND TO YOURSELF AND VERY FORGIVING AT THIS TIME.
If you need to stay in bed all day then do so but at a time and place where your H can't see you hurting. Try a friends house or a cheap hotel if he is home. And at this time if you are too upset to leave the house (like me today) then focus on building a suportive atmosphere by only watching comedies and movies with a strong female role that doesn't remind you of your sitution. No breakups, divorcing, or anything else that may trigger you to cry. I for instance watch fight club about every day.
Here's few ideas I came up with that really helped me and I've passed on to people in divorce groups. Try playing the dollar game where you give your self $1 for every day you have good contact with your H. And here's the kicker, it could be no contact at all. So long as he isn't fighting with you I consider that good contact. You may also want to keep a contact diary to see where you need to make changes in the way you talk, text, and email him. Little tip... there are dating books just for this. Focus on improving your looks even more when your depressed.
And stay away from junk food and alcohol at this time! Trust me on this, as a person diagnosed with a depressve disorder I get my downs a lot and find myself wanting to eat sweets and starches when I'm not hungry because I "need" that rush of serotonin to feel better. This happens especially at night and can cause rapid weight gain in the blink of an eye. That is where 5HTP or L-Tryptophan come in handy and a dose of whatever medicine your are prescribed will really come in handy. I suspect you may get put on a Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI) which helps slow down the consumption of serotonin in your brain. With these you need to take them 6hrs before bed and monitor your potential loss of sex drive.
In general, this is very good advice, NSweet. However, before using OTC items like 5HTP or L-Trypotopha, CHECK WITH YOUR DOCTOR, and ESPECIALLY if you are on any other medication.
Well last night ended up ok. I got worst so ended up lounging on the couch. H was attentive and helpful. Watched some TV and went to bed. H initiated some intimate contact this morning, but still no ML.
I had an extreme episode of dizziness this afternoon. Ended up sprawled on my living room floor. Scared H to death as he was on his way out to grab us some food. He helped me get myself together and has been attentive all day.
I did backslide and ask him if his mistress knew he was taking care of me. He repeated "Taking care of you?" I said taking care of me today? He just looked at me and didn't say anything.
I've been so good about no initiating R talk. Its been building up and I had to let some of it out. I feel like such an idiot at times for loving him when he's calling and texting someone else. Where did the man I married go? *sigh*
