Congrats to you You must be breathing a sigh of relief, but it also must be kind of scary, this new 'chapter'.
What about giving it a little more time first? It would be really sucky if he has something up his sleeve.
But then if things don't pan-out, perhaps talk to him, but base it on more of "In the past, when you do stuff like this (make promises you don't keep), I would just act mad instead of being honest about my disappointments. Since we are trying to give this relationship a fresh start I know will be more forth-right with this type of reaction, rather than just act like I'm in a bad mood, and leaving you guessing" And offer some type of solution YOU find acceptable IE: Maybe in future, we could keep surprizes under cloak, that way if something comes up and it can't happen, no one feel badly after. or something like that..
Hmmm, that's strange that he asks you about the cake and present, but can't follow up.
I don't know how I would approach it. I guess first, make sure you're calm. Then, maybe say something like "Hey, I was really looking forward to blowing out that candle and making a wish.", or something like that. You know, kind of casual and friendly, if that's at all possible.
What would happen if you went out and bought yourself the slippers and a cake and the next time he was over to the baby you say "hey, I want to share my birthday cake with you! I've decided with this new fresh start that I'm not going to get upset or sulk because I was disappointed you didn't do anything for my birthday instead I'm going to treat myself!" with a smile and don't wait for a response, just cut the cake or blow out the candles and go on about how much you love your new slippers and that you're going to start focusing on yourself more and how it was silly to wait for someone else to make you happy in past. Too passive aggressive?
Me - 38, 2nd M, no living children, 1 forever 6 yr old boy H - 44, 3rd M, twins 16
Dating 4/07 M 10/08 Bomb #1 12/10 Bomb #2 1/11 Bomb #3 12/11
I guess what bothers me the most, is that he asked me about the cake and what I wanted for my birthday. I said to myself, "Wow, maybe he is working on himself". It's just disappointing that he is not.
I understand the disappointment. It's not that you were hoping that he'd think of you at all, but the fact that he asked you and didn't follow up is very disappointing. But don't give up hope yet. Maybe he is planning something special for this weekend?
While the 'old' me would have probably gone out and gotten the present myself to "rub it into" H's face, I would not recommend to do that now. You might cause him to feel bad about it, especially on the off chance that he had a 'good' reason for not getting them yet. But as you suggested to saying 'what happened to my slippers?' in a jokingly/happy tone, that might be an option. Just try not to show your disappointment quite yet (both vocally and through facial expression).
I am disappointed for you, Hopeful. Your birthday should be a big deal to the person who is supposed to love you most in this world. It was not only rude to ignore your day but cruel to set you up like that by asking about stuff.
My H is acting the same way and I'm asking myself if I want to be consistently disappointed for the rest of my life by a man who gives the bare minimum and cares only about himself. But guess what? We created these monsters by not raising our standards and demanding they man up and be kind. In both our situations, as with all of DB... if we don't change our behavior, they won't change theirs.
Me - 38, 2nd M, no living children, 1 forever 6 yr old boy H - 44, 3rd M, twins 16
Dating 4/07 M 10/08 Bomb #1 12/10 Bomb #2 1/11 Bomb #3 12/11
You are right nhmom, I was not expecting anything, but since he asked me, I assume he was working on himself as well.
No, I'm not going to go out and buy them.
I don't think he is planning anything this weekend. Sunday is the Super Bowl and he wants me to hang out with him and our D so he can watch the Super Bowl. I should just make plans and tell him I can't.
You must be breathing a sigh of relief, but it also must be kind of scary, this new 'chapter'.
Your birthday should be a big deal to the person who is supposed to love you most in this world. It was not only rude to ignore your day but cruel to set you up like that by asking about stuff.