La Bug-Clouds in my Coffee

[BklynMom]

My apartment is filled with my H crap and sometimes it really gets to me. I am sure you can imagine my NY apartment is not that big and it would be great if he cleared out the bike tools, & tires and crap but I just deal with it.

I only cleaned out his side of the medicine cabinet 2 months ago.

It will make it easier for him to come home if I just leave his stuff here.

[labug]

First day at the new job was good. I worked there for a short time about 20 years ago and believe it or not some people are still there...and they remembered me. It was a good day and I met some new, very nice people.

Now the first day jitters have been squelched.

Thanks for all the responses. I guess it might come down to whether or not I feel taken advantage of. If a Spouse has decided that it's over and they don't want to continue in the M then the natural consequences of that are they need to make arrangements to take care of their "stuff."

As I sent the email just before he was working out of town for a while, I think the better part of valor is to wait a bit a see if he responds.

I guess I've looked at the "paved and smooth" plan in more of an emotional context-no carryover resentments, no bringing up past difficulties, from this day forward, etc.

Thoughts?

[rickb89]

My thoughts....if a LBS decides its over then you close all the doors to the past ... but if you want to reconcile then I think you have to leave all avenues for the WAS to come home. Even if an A has happened....you either want to fix the M or not. If you do the you must allow for all opportunity for it to work, as tough as it is.

What sukks is how tough it is on us and so much is in limbo in the meantime. I guess you have to look at this in the context of you are doing soul level work here...for yourself....for sacred marriage vows...for you children's well being and as an example of altruism for them...for love in the world. That doesn't mean you won't feel stabs of real pain but how else does our spirit and souls evolve? DB is a form of the deepest soul level work you will ever do and perhaps one of the greatest acts of love you will ever give.

[labug]

Oh, man, Rick! That's deep, I'll have to read it again in the morning and think it over. Thanks, I always appreciate your posts.

[purgatory]

rick said: " DB is a form of the deepest soul level work you will ever do and perhaps one of the greatest acts of love you will ever give."

Wow. I mean, wow.

You always have such great words to explain our sitch's.

(sorry, labug, didn't mean to steal your posts)

Glad your first day went well!!!

[labug]

I have to say, there are very few places where a question about "crap in the garage" can led to a discussion about "soul level work" and not seem ludicrous.

Thanks you guys!

[labug]

I need to just keep thinking I'm doing what I would with my life, being married or divorced or separated makes no difference right now. I would still be going to work, having fun, learning things, meeting new people, talking with my sons, in other words GALing.

If I were rady for another relationship, this might be different but I still have far too much soul work to do.

Again, thanks to you all for making me think!

[labug]

Wow, I haven't been this down in a long time. Just this morning as I see by the post above, I was doing fine, or at least trying to convince myself I'm fine.

(venting)
H never contacts me. We have a 19 year old son who is not in school this semester due to poor choices. He just told his dad that tonight but will H contact me to talk about it? No! As I've heard so many here ask "How can they just walk away from everything?" How can it go from one day sharing everything to the next day nothing.

I know he had checked out long before he left. I know I hurt him a lot with my controlling ways and my anger and resentment. He!! I didn't even like me. I truly own all that and I'm working on changing and have made great progress, but tonight it seems useless.

It's coming up on a year since he left in which time we've had very little face-to-face contact and minimal email contact about money, house, tax, kid issues. Still no talk of a divorce or anything to do with the R. I've only been DBing since Oct-Nov. Am I expecting too much. (I know, I know, I shouldn't be expecting at all.)

Why is the limboland of this so painful. If he's so done why doesn't he just get it over with?

[labug]

Feeling a little brighter this morning. I think part of my problem is the amt of hours I worked this last 2 weeks which severely cut into my GAL time. Then there's the stress of starting a new job. And I'm tired today, didn't sleep well last night.

I have a pretty full day today, hope I can fit in a nap somewhere.

Words of encouragement? or a 2 x 4, whatever is appropriate.

[purgatory]

Catching up on you.....

I can hear how sad you are that H doesn't contact you, even about the kids. I'm impressed that you are still able to keep going after almost a year apart.

I hope that your new job will help to give you some sense of purpose, even though it's stressful starting out. Once you get your feet under you again, and get used to the new routines- make sure you figure out where you GAL fits in. I remember when I was working full time, I ALWAYS complained that I never had anytime for myself (looking back, that's where a lot of my resentment came from). I've come to realize that it's not selfish to schedule time for yourself only- it's healthy.

Naps are great! Even 15-20 power naps are good for getting your second wind