Gunny, We(I) have a dog, big 110# golden/lab mix. We got him for the boys and now he's mine. I've not been much of a dog person but I will miss him when he's gone. He's great company for me and gives me something to care for.
He will eat just about anything. Today I came home from work and he was eating the plastic handle of an emery board, manicure thingy. Sheesh!
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Wow, I still have a thread! Thanks for dusting it off, Rick.
I should probably write something...H has a lot of stuff in the garage and I asked him about what his plans were for this in an email a couple of weeks ago. He responded to other things in the email but not the garage stuff question. I think I should bring this up again..."so did you make a plan for getting your things from the garage?"
Remember, I've always been the controlling, pushy type-my 180 is open to his ideas, listening and NOT controlling.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I refinished a chair today. This has always been a love of mine and I haven't done it much since the bomb. But we had this chair at work that needed help and so I brought it home and worked all day on it. I thought very little about anything other than that chair and the steps I needed to take.
A great GAL activity that I need to do more of.
I start the new PT job tomorrow. Want to get the first day over to get rid of the first day jitters. Wish me luck!
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I like repurposing/refinishing furniture too! i never thought of that as a GAL activity... my dining room chairs are desperate for some new cushions... You've inspired a new project!
I think that asking about the garage again could be viewed as you trying to 'control' the sitch. Only because, you've already said it once, and it's in an email (so he can re-read if he ever wants to)... but by you bringing it up- you are implying that *you* have a timeline/urgency for this action to happen, instead of letting him decide when to make his own timeline. If he's anything like my H, he might be thinking: it's *my* stuff in the garage, *I'll* decide when I want to move it. I had the same problems you did that contributed to the break-up (controlling, not listening) and I understand that you really do want this taken care of sooner rather than later.... but I would not say anything for a little longer and give him the chance to make the decision. Just my 2 cents.
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
Thanks Purg,I appreciate your response. You know, I really don't care if the stuff is there but I feel like he's taking advantage because he's gone, he says he's not coming back but he gets free storage. I like what you said about it possibly being controlling. Sometimes I'm just being direct and to the point and he sees it as controlling.
It's like learning a new language.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Yep. We have to learn to speak their 'alien' language... filled with acceptance and validations. I don't think *they* even know this new language yet- which is why they over react and only hear the negatives out of our mouths. It's really not fair that we have to do the majority of the work while they just float through their new life.
I'm with ya on feeling taken advantage of... H has 'moved' out, yeah right. He has a room at a buddies house that he crashes at when he's not spending all his time at OW's house. Yet ALL of his clothes, toiletries, computer, tools, everything... is still here. I feel like a free storage unit too. The bad part for my sitch, is that I can't expect him to move everything out since he doesn't have his own place- just a spare room. I guess he could get a storage unit to 'live' out of... but in reality, we can't afford for him to do that over the next 1.5 years until he gets back from deployment. I think, that while he's deployed, I might move all his things to the garage- or ask him to do that before he leaves.... no action, just thoughts right now.
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
Bug and Purg - if you want to reconcile, as hard as this DB torture is, why wouldn't you leave the road home smooth and paved? I hope I Didn't just piss off two woman but wouldn't your forcing of them to move their stuff out just be another move towards further separation?
I hate seeing you two bummed out like this. Here's a suggestion and it worked for me when I felt like you tonight. I watched the movie Bridesmaids. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.
wow, rick.... I hadn't looked at it like that. AND Bridesmaids made me laugh so hard I started crying!! I saw it twice in the theater and rent it often when I need a good laugh! "I can't be positive which end that came out of".... gets me every time!!
I was thinking that by asking him to move his stuff out or to the garage- I would be sending the message that 'I accept that our M is over and I'm creating a distinct boundary'..... thanks the other perspective.
Man, this DB stuff is confusing sometimes! On one hand people say to set clear boundaries so the WAS *knows* that you are accepting their decision, and 'moving on' with your life.... but then you bring up a good point too- by keeping the stuff in the house, it doesn't make it as hard for them to feel welcomed- if they ever changed their mind, and keeps the 'road home' nice and smooth.
GRRRRR! Now I don't know what to do! Can't speak for Labug (btw- sorry for hijacking here)
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
