La Bug-Clouds in my Coffee

[BklynMom]

Labug, I dont remember if you have ever used a DB coach or not but they are really good at helping with some strategy like how to let H see your changes. I find the coaches are not as pro going dark as most of the posters on these boards.

The coaches really emphasize having the WAS see the changes and initiating some contact may be okay. You need to try something and see if it brings him closer, pushes him away, or is neutral.

Kind of that he hasnt tried to hang with his S more over Christmas break. Probably is due to some form of depression. Its like he dug a hole and is just gonna sit in it.

Thanks for your kind words on my thread I definitely needed some cheering up.

[labug]

Thanks, B! I've entered an interesting phase of this experience. I think I'm DBing more for me. I've stepped off the roller coaster and have some peace finally. If H wants to create a new relationship with me, he knows where to find me. I will be OK no matter what.

That doesn't mean I don't love him or would not welcome a real attempt at reconciling. But, I have no control over that.

Had you told me 6 months ago that I might feel this way, I would NEVER have believed it.

[BklynMom]

Wow. Your confidence is inspiring.

I love "he knows where to find me". I always try to act as if thats my stance but I cant quite get there... one day.

[sunshine76]

And for today, I choose to be happy

Hey LB, I hope you don't mind if I steal your motto today??

Thanks for always posting so many insightful things.

I am so happy that you are re-connecting with your sons and realizing that you deserve to be happy!

[labug]

You know, Ladies, a lot of it is just self-preservation and attitude.

[WenikiTiki]

LABUG!

I love your attitude! I am trying to keep up.

I have read several threads you have posted about. It is nice when you do that, because it helps me greatly with shifting the wheat from the chaff.

I am choosing to be happy today, too!

Wendy

[labug]

Well my attitude hit the effin' wall today. I've had a hard time with my emotions and have been very sad. I went to 2 meetings today (there are a lot of meetings around the holidays) and that usually helps me but I started crying as I was driving home. Then it hit me why I was feeling this way. Last year we went camping over New Year's with a club we belonged to. We had a great time (at least I did)and I was just so sad that things seemed to go so wrong, so fast. In reality, I'm sure he was not as happy as he was acting.

Then I was going to go to a movie by myself to get my mind off things. I got to the theatre early and as I was sitting in my car, saw different couples going in and started crying again. Came home, and am feeling better. But geesh, it's been a hard day.

Tomorrow will be better. Right????

[WenikiTiki]

Tomorrow will be better. (Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya' tomorrow. You're only a day away.) Lucky you were spared actually hearing me sing that!

I just posted on someone elses thread about how many of us seem to be down right now. And I am planning on taking myself to a movie. Yep, alone. I might even splurge and have candy....... What the heck.

So now I know to not people watch before I go in. Thanks for the hint.

I also had a sad what I was doing last year memory going on. I think it really hurts to think you are happy and to find out they were NOT.

If I knew then what I know now. But all we can do is move forward from this day.

We might not be riding our spouses rollercoaster anymore. But we are all still on our own rollercoaster! (Insert more singing of the timeless disco hit Rollercoaster here....)

Wendy

[labug]

Thanks, Wendy, your support is so helpful. And I love your singing!

I've enjoyed going to movies by myself before but today was not the day. The couples I saw were close in age to me and I, in my mind was thinking, "they're going to an early movie and then probably to a nice dinner after and here I am sitting by myself in a parking lot, crying."

I'm better now and just keep thinking: let him go, I have no control, let him go, I have no control, rinse, repeat...

ahhhhhh Disco, they don't make music like that anymore! Thank god.

[labug]

Just had a thought: at midnight wherever we happen to be, we should all sing I Will Survive out loud!

First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on
and so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed my stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive

It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me

Of course I will probably be in bed asleep, so I'll use east coast time!