Just spent 3 days at son's basketball tourney. XH and OW show up. 4 games over the last 3 days. I sit in Row 5 they sit Row 7 - now there are 100 different rows all over the arena - but they sit right by me. Why?
Oldest D has breakfast with her dad during the tourney. 2 hours - she says she explains to him how uncomfortable she and her siblings feel right now about all of the PDA XH and OW are displaying in public. She says "Dad, this is a big year - I'm getting married / sister is graduating college / son is graduating high school. Can you just stop putting your relationship in our face all of the time? It makes us all very uncomfortable and we just want to get through this time." XH replies - "get used to it - it's not going to change"
OW did not come to 3rd game (she's not a morning person) - son makes amazing play to win the game. XH is there with group afterwards. It's not perfect - but it's ok. It's ok for son - ok for me - ok for friends and family there - and it seemed to be ok for him. But he won't back off with bringing her around.
For me - it absolutely ruins the whole experience. I try - I really do. But the PDA is disgusting and embarrassing.
He is now taking her to middle D's national competition in college dance. She is angry because she doesn't want her there - but her dad won't respect her feelings.
I'm venting - I know I will be fine - but it is AWFUL. This is MY family and this woman has ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO BE THERE. She has NO relationship with my kids and she is ridiculously arrogant and obnoxious.
I did run into her in the restroom during the tourney. Did not say a word. Thank God I looked decent:)
Geez - I am ridiculous with how much this irritates me.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
IB, You and your family have every right to be disgusted w/this grown man's flaunting of the ow. Why do they sit in the same section w/you? Because they know it aggravates you.
As for your children, I really do feel sorry for them having to put up w/this disgusting behavior. However, keep in mind that attention, not matter whether it is positive or negative is what they crave. The more your children ask him not bring the ow to their functions, the more determined he is to do so. The ow is just along for the ride to keep on your xh's good side...she is his arm candy.
I truly believe that all of this behavior is being done to aggravate the living h@ll out of you and it's working. Even though you are not acknowledging them and their behavior, your body language speaks volumes. The less said to them about the behavior, the better.
I would dearly love to smack the crap out of them for you. This is so uncalled for...but they are acting out and he's still angry w/you, even though you didn't do a thing to him, and this is his way of sticking it to you.
I hope the new year is a much better one for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly - I do agree with you. My body language does probably reflect the tension I feel when they come around. I go about my business - smiling to people acting "as if" / but I am affected by their presence. I am sure that everyone who experiences an OW exaggerates their "awfulness" - but I am telling you this one takes the cake! It is unbelievable. And I am always the person who redirects conversations to see the best in situations/people, etc. Can't seem to do it here.
Anyway - my resolution this year includes betting better at letting go. Trying to stop anticipating interactions with XH/OW. Just let it go. I don't want to care about it anymore. I am sick of caring about it anymore. To be honest, I'm sick of caring or worrying about anything any more. I am just going to do my best to get MY life together - to get to a point where I am proactive and not reactive. I am overwhelmed with self doubt, fear, anxiety too often. I have to learn to let go.
I wish everyone here a happy, healthy new year! We absolutely DESERVE it!!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
I read your thread and think that planning to say something, even if you don't actually say it helps make you feel better.
I've run into my OW unexpectedly in my gym. I just say "Hi." and move on. Can't tell you if I smile, but I will remember to next time.
Your story about the matching shirts just cracked me up. Yes, that would annoy the heck out of me. When my MIL died my FIL remarried a younger woman. She used to try to jump in and run our family. And as we were all grown, we didn't need her 'help'. But some people don't see when they are being innapropriate.
I hope you have a nice New Years Eve!
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
What comes first. The chicken or the egg. I keep wondering, "Why does he need to push it into everyone's faces?" There is a huge amount of insecurity here on both his and OW's part. My XH has thankfully pulled away from pushing it into the D's faces, but at the same time, they have lost their Dad. No win situation.
I think you are very lucky to have such warm and loving children, Irish. Perhaps they should just tell Dad to 'get a room'.
It should bother you, that is only normal. They are truly ridiculous. My ex shoves his relationship with OW in my face also. The more I completely ignore OW, the more baffled my ex is. I can say that what Snodderly is saying is true, he wants a reaction. If you remain loving, kind, and sincere, it will bother him even more.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I agree with the other posters. My wishing my xh well with his second ow has, I believe, really upset him. He wanted me to be upset, and I am not [or at least no showing it]
Of course it is upsetting to see people parade their frankly adolescent behaviour in front of you and your children, and if it was anyone else you could dismiss it as pathetic, but it isn't, this is the man who you loved, and is the father of your children so it hurts a lot.
