You'll hear a lot about detachment on this board. Detachment means to let go emotionally. Continue working on improving yourself, not as a way to get your wife's attention but to be a better person. To detach means we realize we are powerless over others and their decisions.
Not easy but necessary.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
You are doing the right thing. It is wonderful that you are trying to save your marriage. Labug is right you can not control your wifes decision, but you can weed the garden daily - encouraging the flowers the bloom.
Having two kids so young and close in age is tough. Trust me I know. Plus your W is going to school, plus dealing with two huge deaths in her life. You should read "The year of Magical Thinking" by Joanne Diddon - its about the death of her husband. It may be something you want to pass on to your W after you read it.
I wouldnt read too much into her feelings for high school boyfriend. I think its normal to fantasize about that kind of stuff but it doesnt seem like she is acting on it.
Your W has still not left the house - count that as a big plus that she is giving you time. I think you should do something dramatic to show your W the new you in terms of spending time with the family. You travelled the weekend of her brothers funeral that is not cool.
Can you talk to a supervisor about your marital problems and have an assistant coach cover for you during 1 or 2 practices a week? You need to show her that she is more important than your job even if it means that you are not as good a coach as you can be. She needs to know that she & your kids come first not the team.
Look at professional coaches families - Tony Dungys son committed suicide, Andy Reids sons have drug problems. The hours and time away coaching take its toll on everyone in the family. Show them that they come first. Remember you will need to sacrifice something to give them more time.
Keep it up.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
The deaths are so long ago 3 & 4 years that I know it has part in our story but she says she has grieved and is over all that. Our therapist met with me today and said that my wife is so far gone the only thing that may wake her up is getting her out of the house. She goes out with friends and comes home late (430am etc..) and our kids wake up looking for mommy. I can't deal with that any longer. Trying to be patient but she brings so much negativity into the home now I'm afraid the therapist may be right. My W has seen the changes I have made and she is impressed but still feels nothing towards me. Ughhhhh
M40 W33 S5 D3 Together 10 Married 6 Bomb 12/8/11 Filed 12/27/11 Moved out 1/2/12
Went to dinner with W and had one of the most heartfelt talks we have had in years. She did inform me that she filed this past Tuesday and has the papers with her but we are going to get through the weekend and look them over on Monday. She is planning on moving out Monday so things are moving forward for us. I actually feel better tonight than I have in a long time which is probably due to the amount of communication we had tonight. We spoke more tonight without a therapist than we have in the past 3 months combined.
M40 W33 S5 D3 Together 10 Married 6 Bomb 12/8/11 Filed 12/27/11 Moved out 1/2/12
You need to follow your heart, not the therapist. I can't believe how many therapist out there say get a divorce instead of saying you need to give all you can. My MC did not help us at all, a matter of fact, she did more harm than good.
If you really want this marriage then fight for it. I sent our therapist a letter telling her that she did more harm than good. And that I was not giving up on our marriage as she did. I never heard from her. LOL
I'm going to be fighting for it but my wife has no feelings towards me and she has made that clear. She is leaving Monday and the kids are staying with me in the house. She is taking back her old car and giving me the newer one she has been driving for over a year that is in my name and that I make payments on. Also told me nothing in the divorce papers is set in stone so she is really wanting to make this as easy as possible for us. I think by doing so she releases some of the guilt she has in being a WAW.
M40 W33 S5 D3 Together 10 Married 6 Bomb 12/8/11 Filed 12/27/11 Moved out 1/2/12
Good day with the kids and my mother. Now home with kids asleep and my W is out drunk with friends. She did text me to say she wouldn't be home. Her secretary at work gave her an overnight bag of condoms etc that was supposedly like a joke gift. I see more condoms in other places which keeps my mind wandering. She and I have not had sex since our anniversary in 2010. Maybe this explains the quick trigger on divorce and giving me just about anything I want as she walks away.
M40 W33 S5 D3 Together 10 Married 6 Bomb 12/8/11 Filed 12/27/11 Moved out 1/2/12
