Indecision and the affair continues (Part 2)

[kml]

Yes, it TOTALLY [censored]. Just hope that OW is putting pressure on him and pouting about him not being with her on Christmas. In fact, maybe she gets pissed at him cuz he doesn't call her enough when he's with you and the kids!

In fact, for all you know they could be breaking up right this minute.

So suck it up - you don't want to break up over Xmas and have your kids always associate Xmas with their parent's breakup. I had to do something similar - but it was worth it.

[Nblost]

Yeah, I know...thanks kml. I think I'm just getting drained and I completely recognize it's terrible timing to lose it. Thanks for responding and trying to keep me sane. (One of my friends said last night, "you can't make it through 5 months of this crap and then lose it now!")

I think OW is probably going out of town with her kids for Christmas. My guess is that her kids are out of town with her husband this week so that's given H and her a chance to be together. (OW and her husband are very rich...grrr) So, I'd love to believe she's really worked up about my H missing Christmas with her...but she is not even divorced yet, so he hasn't met her kids or any of her family yet. H seemed to think it was obvious he'd be home for the holidays.

I was seeing baby steps and H should be home for at least a week over Christmas. I need to have fun with him and make him see there could be a great life with his family. If he can't see that, then we need to be done in January. I guess this pain is making me more and more at peace with that.

I also feel like my 180's and GALing has slipped with being so busy for the holidays, etc. I'm also a little sick and my knee is bothering me...

But, I have an H who is eventually coming home and we will have a nice Christmas. I do know I have a lot to be thankful for.

[Nblost]

Kind of lost it tonight at H...

I tried to call him this afternoon and once again like this entire week...no answer. I wanted to talk to him to find out when he is coming home and to coordinate the kids christmas gifts. He was supposed to be getting D10 something and I wasn't sure if he had bought it (he hadn't). I only have tomorrow to try to get all the kids gifts (on top of everything else for the holidays...so I was a little amped up)

He finally called tonight after telling me, "I'll call in a couple hours", "I'll call soon", etc. It was obvious to me he was with OW.

So, when he calls, he sounds muffly and I asked him..."where are you? are you hiding in a bathroom?" He says "no". I say, "you don't have to be afraid to call me...I assume you were at OW's this week". He hesitates, then says, "well, not for ALL of the week". I then say something like, "It's not like we haven't been in this situation for 5 months and we don't all know each other...I think you should be able to call me when you are with her". I also added a couple comments about his bubbles colliding.

We then went on to have a reasonably good conversation about the kids gifts. He said he got me a gift and I said I hadn't gotten him anything yet. I told him the kids wanted me to get him a wedding ring and we kind of joked about that.

Blah...I didn't feel like I got really angry with him, but I think I was kind of bitchy and I don't like that I let that show through. On the other hand..it's the holidays and he is being a jerk...so maybe I don't care.

I need to get my DB hat back on!

[Abbey]

Don't be disappointed with yourself for laying things out as they are. Standing your ground, eg: having a discussion about your children ISN'T something he can simply blow off cuz she's around. So good for you.

You also have kicked more of the lid off of his little adventure. I'm finding that because I've taken away some of that clandestine behavior, it seems to have taken the shine off of H's view of it. There is something to having the secrecy that appeals to them, when it's taken away... it seems to lose it's shine. Strange.

Anyhoo... Sometimes you have to go anti DB to skate round a sitch. I think you did just fine!

Abs

[imthemom]

My hat is off to you momma...your a much stronger person then i...
If H and i were still in the same house and this was going on i dont think it would be pretty..at all!!
Getting through the holidays is a hard gig, not for sissys, and i think your right...when the holidays are over. He needs to make a decision...otherwise who knows how long he will continue to have his cake...blah, blah, blah...
You are doibg great, dont crack now. Dont let him see the part that is hurting..taken from experience it just makes them angry...they dont want it to ruin there perfect little play they have going...

[Nblost]

Thanks guys. I am hoping I can deal with him better when he's home and we are around the kids.

I just have NO respect for someone who can say they love their wife, want to start counseling...and then go spend the week before Christmas with the OW. I guess maybe I just need to view him as a sick person.

I'm also so fed up with handling everything for him. It would be different if we were separated or divorced and so he knew he had to do his own share (okay, it'd be worse to have to coordinate)...but, with a cake eater...it just feels ridiculous.

I did buy him a couple shirts and a hat which I will probably just say are from the kids.

[Nblost]

Just to clarify, I bought the stuff for him to be from the kids. We are spending Christmas alone and I realized that if I didn't buy him anything...he would have zero gifts in front of the kids. It would serve him right....but I think the kids would feel bad for him (and they are too young to be able to buy him something on their own)

[Nblost]

So, the reason I couldn't get a hold of H this week seems to be that he was on vacation (again) with OW. He came home with a swimsuit and shorts in his luggage (and short sleeved shirts) which does not line up with OW and his work city. I also saw a receipt that he returned his rental car on the first day of his trip and I knew he wasn't at a hotel in OW's city last week.

I found the clothes right before Christmas Eve dinner and H knew I was upset. I said, "I can't do this anymore" in tears as I served the kids their food. D10 was crying during dinner that her stomach hurt...but I am guessing part of it was she noticed I was sad.

I am so angry that I fought to make it through the holidays and he is beyond disrespectful to me.

[imthemom]

Im so sorr N..i know it doesnt make it feel any better but i know how your feeling..
On one hand we hoped the holidays would be differant but on the other, it looks like it just may give us a reality check..and the strength to detach like we need to.
Not what we want...but may be what we need...
Thinken of you, and all my girls in this crappy leaky boat..

[MynameisMZ]

Lies upon lies upon lies....WHY? Why lie to you about where he is when you KNOW full well that he is cake eating? I think Abbey is right, it's the secrecy and he just needs to keep that going. It's so immature. So disgusting to leave you alone with 3 little girls while he gallivants off.

Sorry, N, but I'm really pi$$ed at your H.

Not that you should stop your DBing, but realize how crazy we all know this is, how hard it is!

MZ's fantasy: Tell him you got yourself a boyfriend and he will now have to stay home and work and take care of the kids while you go on vacation with....switch those roles. Sigh......