Happy Holidays to all! I hope everyone has a peaceful, kind, loving Christmas and that the New Year brings light and happiness to everyone who has found themselves on this board.
I have been bound and determined to make this holiday wonderful for my family. XH and OW parade themselves around my son's school and sporting events wearing matching shirts supporting my son and his team. I will admit (and not necessarily proudly) - it irks the "sh*t" out of me that this woman who has barely had 2 or 3 short conversations with my son wears his team shirt with his name on the back. (yes - as I type it I know it is stupid and immature of me to feel this way) They exhibit all kinds of PDA that have all of the parents (and kids for that matter) talking and asking "WTF???" No matter how politely my kids ask for time alone with their father to "rebuild" their relationship - he acts like a petulant child - OW always around. The kids are kind of done right now trying. They are perfunctory at best. I bite my tongue, sometimes til it bleeds:), and change the subject.
Anyway, I know that I am feeling better. These 18 months have certainly been the worst times of my life and I am not at a point where I can see the silver lining in what I've experienced. BUT - I see what XH has become and I know for sure that I would not want to be with this person today. For me, that is progress. I recently read a quote by Dr. Seuss of all people (although it shouldn't surprise me that the words that resonate with me following this unbelievable journey come from a cartoonish individual:) -
"Don't CRY because it's over - SMILE because it happened!"
This may be my new mantra for 2012. I am resolving to transform in the new year. My son will be graduating from high school in the spring and the number of XH/OW encounters will thankfully, greatly diminish. I believe this will help accelerate more healing and will give me the opportunity to open some new doors. It may be time for me to move over to the "surviving" forum. It's not about his MLC anymore and I owe a GREAT deal of gratitude to you all for helping me get through this truly hideous experience.
Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year to all!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
I LOVE your Dr. Seuss quote ... he's actually one of the most insightful authors I've read! I've got two personal faves right now from him ...
Originally Posted By: The late, great Dr. Seuss
“I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!”
... and ...
Originally Posted By: Dr. Seuss yet again...
“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...”
Sweetie, for the record, it would irk the sh*t out of me too. That's not immature ... it's human! It also doesn't mean you're not healing or doing what you need to do for you. Progress is progress, however small you may feel it is, it's still forward motion. I hope you find as much support as you need, here or elsewhere ... but I'd hate to see you go. You haven't just taken support from this forumn Irish, you've given plenty too. My thread hasn't been about my ex in ages, but I still find the personal growth and support here amazing, I don't know what I would have done without y'all, and frankly, wouldn't want to find out, lol.
Take care Irish ... I know you've got great things ahead of you! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
IB, It would have irked the heck out of me too. Sometimes the "in the face" crap will get to you and I'm not just talking about the two smoochies. You will, at some point in time, sit back and laugh about how stupid they looked in public.
Wishing you and your family a very safe, blessed and happy holiday season. May the new year bring many surprises and good will to you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks PEI and Snodderly - I really appreciate your perspectives
I can't believe this is my 2nd holiday in this "new" life. Still getting my sea legs but am in more of a stronger cognitive place than this time last year.
Almost ran straight into OW yesterday - have worried about this happening. What would I say? Inauthentic to say "nice to meet you". Instead I have "scripted" this:
Look, I have nothing against you. I would hope however that you could understand that after 25 years as a cohesive family, you might be able to take a step back publicly and let my son finish his high school years without having to feel uncomfortable with the presence of a "new" person in his parents life. Please feel free to do what you want outside of this arena - but for my son's sake please take a step back from this part of his life.
Knowing the level of class present in this woman she would say "F off"
Enough said
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
IB, New memories and traditions are made in your household this year. Take plenty of photos so that all of you can look back on them when the days are difficult.
As for running into the ow, look her straight in the eye and just smile. Sometimes silence sends the message better than words can.
Merry Christmas!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Merry Christmas. Wishing you nothing but the best in the new year!
Remember, YOU and only YOU can control how you feel and deal with sitch's and your happiness. It truly is yours for the taking. Keep healing, keep learning about the strength that truly is in YOU. FWIW....I am proud of YOU.
Originally Posted By: snodderly
As for running into the ow, look her straight in the eye and just smile. Sometimes silence sends the message better than words can.
Very wise words up there from Snodderly. Why would you even give OW the time of day. You IB have NOTHING to be ashamed off, scared of, embarased of. On the contrary, you have a LOT to be PROUD OF!
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Hey IB. You are doing great! It takes as long as it takes. But get there, you will.
I agree with Snodderly. Just look at her smile as keep walking like she's yesterday's fish with your head held hi.
If you were to talk to her, she would relish it. Giving her ammunition to spin it all anyway she wants. You're way above all that.
I know it is so hard for you to see your son upset. Unfortunately it is what it is. I believe, seeing what a wonderful mother you are, that he will come through this stronger and wiser.
Have a wonderful, new kind of holiday and a blessed new year.
... but I'd hate to see you go. You haven't just taken support from this forumn Irish, you've given plenty too. My thread hasn't been about my ex in ages, but I still find the personal growth and support here amazing, I don't know what I would have done without y'all, and frankly, wouldn't want to find out, lol.