not enought time and too much distance

[gunny]

Hey AC,
I think I am right there along with you, increasingly accepting of my fate, staying in touch with w but content to let her go on her journey, hope you have a healthy holiday season buddy!

[any chance?]

So, is it typical for a WAW to completely disrespect the LBS and everything connected to the LBS?

My W said she would be heartbroken if our D caused her to lose me as a friend or lose contact with my family, whom she regards as HER family. Then my sisters and my mother call her on Xmas, and she ignores their calls?

WTF?

[Valeska19]

AC
Remember that saying to believe none of what they say and half of what the do??

Unfortunately that goes for the good things they say too.

My wife said those very same words except for the family part. She pretty much did the exact opposite of everything she said.

I know it hurts like he!!. There is nothing I can say to take that away. Just know that your w's choices now reflect on her ability ( or inability) to handle the sitch.

There could be a dozen reasons why she did what she did. It doesn't matter. Let this painful experience help you grow so next time.. It hurts less.

[any chance?]

Thanks, V.

I know you are going through a hard time as well, and I can only add my support. We are both in a lousy place, and we have to move forward and take care of ourselves. Our WAS are on their own, and wherever their journey takes them is beyond our control.

Amazing how the past can just evaporate. But we cannot dwell on the sad...just on the positive move forward.

Hang in there, and keep your fingers crossed for the new year!!!

[any chance?]

The common patterns among the situations on this board is actually quite amazing.

New OM is confirmed with my WAW. My unwavering emotional and financial support has been abused and I guess has been meaningless. I have called myself a fool here several times, and have been called on it, but it appears to be the truth.

My detachment is essentially complete. I don't think I would take my W back if I had the chance. She has been lying to me and disrespecting me for quite a while.

The high road is a lonely place.

[any chance?]

Got my Dear John letter yesterday. That sure did not take long. WAW is already planning "a future" with the OM.

This has been a very long and torturous road. I have supported her every step of the way. And it is all meaningless. She is never even going to look back.

Wow. I think it is a good thing that tomorrow starts a new year. I have had enough of this one, to be sure.

[Valeska19]

AC,
Thanks for checking in. Happy New Year!

I'm sorry an OM was confirmed. It's gut wrenching for sure.

I know it's easy to think for you to think that you were a fool, but how would you rather of acted?

Would you have rather dropped her like a bad habit and let her fend for herself?

Forget about what we all suggest you to do... would doing something different at the moment made you feel like a better AC or a jerk?

It's a hard question to answer.. especially when we are feeling emotions such as anger and hurt... but if you can let the dust settle and look at yourself (which might take awhile).. things will become more clearer.

For example - if you did it out of love - then who cares? Who cares if you didn't get the outcome you thought you deserved or that your ego was hurt in the process? Love is supposed to be without conditions.

Being a loving person is never wrong.... It's just not easy to define. It's not black or white... It's not always popular.. and alot of things can look like "love".

I did alot of similar things thinking it was "love".. but it turned out to be out of fear - or being a doormat.

I have learned to love my wife differently. I wouldn't say that I love her less.. just different. But I do know that I love myself more.

Give yourself a break. If you have come to realize that how you have been loving her wife aka.. taking care of her.... was NOT or is NO LONGER what you feel is the loving thing to do then realize that it was NECESSARY step for you take in order for you to move forward.

I know this is hard.. but you are coming to some good realizations. Growth unfortunately do not come w/o pain and that my friend does NOT make you a fool.. it makes you very brave.

Continue to vent here. We'll be here to help you through it.

((( )))

[any chance?]

Thanks for the thoughts, V.

Everything continues to amaze me. I have done my best to take the high road and support my W through her difficult periods. Now the OM is revealed, and I am being demonized completely. The entire collapse of our marriage is being justified by my betraying my W and having lost her trust....for an event that happened 8 years ago before any of the issues that drove us into such a massive decline. It as if she is completely blameless for anything. And now the concept of spousal support is being threatened, although she swore she would never do such a thing. I fully take all the blame and responsibility that it mine, and have for a very long time. How I am turning out to be the bad guy who is in line to get scr*wed by the lawyer is simply beyond me.

The saddest part? After 20+ years I still love her, and simply cannot believe this is happening the way it is.

Should have had that frontal lobotomy a long time ago.

Thanks for listening.

[Rick1963]

If there is OM u may mot have to pay

[Oneeleven]

Any Chance,
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I am going through some similar stuff only my spouse and I were only engaged (only - ha!)
But having it turned around to be all your fault is devestating. It makes it so much harder to stay strong.

I just wanted to send you some empathy!

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