Uh, I'm the parent that left! I stayed for five horrible years trying to save the marriage. When the situation became unbearable for everyone involved, kids included, I pulled the plug. I told her to either dump the OP and work on our M or we're done, she said "we're done" My kids are incredibly happy and well adjusted but that's because Voldy and myself put our crap aside and focused on helping our kids through it. It's not what I wanted but it is what happened.
Just to mention, I didn't just leave either. I stayed another four months while a SA was worked out. My kids helped me find an apartment and decorate it. We talked about what was happening to our family frequently. I have them half the time and Voldy has them half the time. I live three blocks from my old home...I'm done.
I'm the one that left too -- but only because I was asked to because she said she was done. XW gave my girls the impression I left because I wanted to. When it came up and I said I was asked to leave that really surprised D9.
Anyway, I'd say I know D9 and D12 better than XW. She has a wall up 15 feet high when it comes to her feelings. She never talks to them about what they are feeling because of the D.
So yes, that was a bad generalization.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
It all comes down to ( for young children) that your parent would rather spend time with some one else than you.
Think about it most kids of divorce would see the parent that left what every other weekend with the options of an extra day a week, mean while that parent is spending most of his or her time with the person they left the marriage for.
Young kids don't understand, even teens get resentful of having to leave their friends to go visit the other parent.
Plus having a parent in your life that is so toxic is a no win game, most kids feel to guilty to cut them out of their lives, and more than likely pick up some traits from that toxic parent because they don't know any better and it's becomes a coping mechanism, only to affect their future relationships.
Maybe I should say the person that wanted out of the marriage tends to not be so vested in the kids. They want to be free and sometimes that means from the kids too.
Kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Maybe I should say the person that wanted out of the marriage tends to not be so vested in the kids. They want to be free and sometimes that means from the kids too.
Yep.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I don't think you're comparing Apples to Apples here (love that game by the way - great for everyone in the family). Every situation is different. Death - is NEVER easy. Neither is divorce. But they are not the same.
Everyone needs to cut themselves some slack here. I, too - wished my ex had died. Many many many times. He continued to cause us repeated pain over the course of many years. Death in our situation would have been easier. Simple.
Wii, C2H - just because you may have chosen to be the ones to move out does not mean you were the ones to end the marriage. You are both here on DB and I believe your spouses made the choices that caused the marriages to end. It isn't about the "leaving" here. And - yes - we all contributed in some ways to the downfall of our marriages but in mostly all of our situations - our spouses wanted out - simple and nothing we did made a difference. So cut yourself some slack. You are good dads!
Great to see you are doing well!