Will she EVER just go away? She's baacck!

[antlers]

Thanks for the inspiring post. It's hard to imagine one can ever be happy again when one is in the grasp of rejection and betrayal and heartache. I'm glad you are happy now.

[FLTC]

Antlers,

You're quite welcome...miracles do happen! I just never thought it would happen for me, and I was OK with it not ever happening at the time.

I still do get some sadness when I have to drop off my 13 year old son at XWs after he's been with me. This JUST shouldn't have to happen to kids. It's like dropping a DVD off at a RedBox. You must have him there on time.

Breaks my heart as he waves and goes up the driveway, with bags and clothes and shoes and hockey equipment, like he's been at "Occupy Wall Street!"

[antlers]

We almost treat children of divorce as if they're a different species of children. Suddenly it's fine for these kids to regularly spend days away from their father, and then days away from their mother. It's the kind of thing that the average married parent would never conceive of doing to their child. 
Parents who wonder how they can make divorce easier for their children are missing the point: Divorce is never easy on kids. 
The problem is that it just fundamentally restructures a childhood. When you divide one home into two, it really deeply shapes children at the level of their moral and spiritual development. 

The death of a parent is less devastating to a child than a divorce. 

[Drew]

The death of a parent is less devastating to a child than a divorce. 

I respectfully and wholeheartedly disagree.

[antlers]

That's OK. Disagreeing is fine. It is devatating to a child rehardless.

Compared to children from homes disrupted by death, children from divorced homes have more psychological problems. (Robert E. Emery, Marriage, Divorce and Children’s Adjustment” Sage Publications, 1988)

[Drew]

That's OK. Disagreeing is fine. It is devatating to a child rehardless.

Compared to children from homes disrupted by death, children from divorced homes have more psychological problems. (Robert E. Emery, Marriage, Divorce and Children’s Adjustment” Sage Publications, 1988)

1988?

[MaMaMo]

I can understand where antlers is coming from a parent who has died really didn't have a choice, (even in suicide where the pain is too much to deal with, kids will not understand that choice at the time)

But a parent who chooses another person over their child has to be painful, because that parent is still living on this earth, but has made the choice of hurting his or her kids daily, knowing that your parent has chosen to leave for some one he or she met at work or over the internet, to be still on this earth breathing and living and still not make your kids a priority or to cut them off completely is more painful than the death of a parent in my opinion.

[Drew]

But to Gabby's point, what if both parents are both still actively present in their lives on an equal basis and effectively co-parent?

[antlers]

Divorce is never easy on kids.

Some parents convince themselves that it's not bad on the kids because they don't want to feel guilty about what they're doing. It's a selfish mindset. When they're old enough, the kids realize that the parent who left was willing to give up half of the time with them that they used to have. That's hard on kids...to know that their mom or dad placed less importance on them than on threir own selfish wants. And kids do realize that.

[kat727]

My S16 did something rather interesting for Christmas. I asked him what he wanted and while he joked he basically said that I knew him and I should trust that. His Dad didn't do so well as he doesn't know him really and keeps getting him stuff that is so off base. Cupcake maker for a then 15 year old who isn't much into cake....

Last night ex and I were at our daughters' concert band and orchestra, and during the kids changing between the groups, we were talking about Christmas. Yep he doesn't have a clue on what to get S16. I told him what I got him to kind of point him in the right direction but I am not sure if that will help.

So unless he goes with the moped that he does want, I hold my breath for what he will be getting. It is sad how little the parent that left bothers to know their kids.

kat