@ Rick - She did SEEM curious. It's hard to tell if she is having mixed emotions. If so.. it wouldn't be the first time. She had mixed feelings right before we separated. It led to her not talking to me.
That being said.. I have to still guard my heart. Let her make the move back should she chooses.
@DG - Thank you! I do feel like I have grown. I especially see it now that I have friends going through breakups. They are reacting on feelings of anger and hurt. It's getting pretty ugly. As hard as it's been. I'm glad I didn't chose that route.
I won't lie. If I AM turning into a woman only a fool we leave, I hope my w sees it. I just have to be careful to keep my motives pure. I am changing because that is what's best for me.
@Aeo - Yep.. Growth is a journey that I will forever take. If I don't enjoy the little successes of my changes, I think I would grow exhausted from all the work. I will keep keeping on.
@JS - I too feel like I handled it well. The tears came to my eyes but I did not let them roll down my cheek. I cannot help that I am an emotional person, but I have learned that showing my emotions do not equal weakness rather strength.
I have been trying to process my feelings lately and really looking at your saying about not letting best get in the way of better.
I am appreciative of my interaction with my w, however my 5 yr old inner child and has taken down the box of hope and is crying and desperately hanging onto it. I've been fighting with her to put it back. For having hope hurts me and is something that keeps me from moving forward.
I am clearly not done with my w.
Friday has also let me confused on how to move forward. I think this is partly because of the hope. She has explained to me that this is how she needs to do this D, and I still want it to be different.
I went on a spin of trying to figure out ways to make her more curious, or changing my tactic of calling her vs. texting to discuss things. To change my emails to be more friendly vs. more business like.
I went back to putting the burden all on me. Leave it to me to fix it, leave it me control the situation.
And as much I WANT to.. I can't. I can't go back to being her enabler. I can't go back to the old dynamic. I can't go back to being the old Val.
So right now.. I'm just doing what I know works for me. Living my life the best I can, being the kindest person I can. Looking deep within myself to change.. and constantly challenging myself.
In regards to w, I continue to work through my feelings to see what is fair and loving. I wake up trying to forgive and trying to let go.
I can't worry about if that will save my M right now. I have to have faith that in my heart, that's what feels right.
On a different note - did a completely different GAL activity. I went to a bar last night by myself to watch the Bears Game. Huge fan and I had a bunch of work to do.. but I never went to a bar alone.
It was great. A friend ended up joining me later.. but one thing I know for sure. I am not the shy, awkward Val anymore..
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Well that is wonderful Val, everything up to the Bears fan comment I am an Eagles fan here. Congratulations to your team! I'm glad you were able to GAL and go out a bit last night, that is wonderful!
I tend to be a fixer too and can understand what you are saying. I need to just step back and let my H feel some of the things he is feeling. I don't need to (and can't) fix anything right now, other than GAL myself and working on me!
Very Quick Journal as I just finished shooting a music video for 15 hrs and I need to be back to work in 9 hrs.
W wrote on my wall today on FB (Yes I know.. still haven't deleted her). She asked if I knew what was going on with Penn State.
The last time she reached out to me about anything other than the divorce was in August. I don't count my b-day as it was a very generic b-day wish.
I still won't have any expectations in regards to her reaching out.
I haven't responded yet because I am busy working, but also because I don't really know what to do with the info. Wanting and having a pleasant conversation is something I can easily do.. just not really sure if I should.
Thoughts??
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
(((()))) Val Do you know what is going on at Penn State? Big sex scandal. Fotball coaches accused of sexually molesting boys?? i don't follow football so that it is all I know.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Should I or shouldn’t I? Don’t get wrapped around that axle.
Can you have a conversation here without shaking up the 5 year old past the point you can calm her down? Can you have this conversation calmly; enjoy it for what it is, not attaching additional significance and expectations to it?
Your post says yes.
Place a smooth paving block into the path and level it. Wait and see what happens. Don’t focus here to the exclusion of your life, for you deserve better. You are achieving better. This is not the only project. Don’t empower co-De by making this the most important project.
Calm, confident, detached, nonchalant.
Keep yourself safe ((()))
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
I waited and responded with a very calm, cool answer. Being detached and nonchalent will be in my thoughts the next few hours.
JS - You nailed it with the paving block. I laid it, I leveled it, I'm leaving the results up to God.
As for my 5 year old child.. well I guess I'm also the 29 yr old parent. I'll hug her when she cries and protect her from harm.. but I'll also give her the opportunity to grow and overcome her fears with small steps such as these.
Thanks Gentlemen. You are truly a blessing in my life!
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
(((()))) Val Do you know what is going on at Penn State? Big sex scandal. Fotball coaches accused of sexually molesting boys?? i don't follow football so that it is all I know.
Thanks for the info Rick. And Hug! Yeah it's pretty crazy. Some riots are happening. Everyone's safe but when PSU fans get pissed.. they have no problem showing it.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
I am an Eagles fan here. Congratulations to your team! I'm glad you were able to GAL and go out a bit last night, that is wonderful!