I looked on snagajob.com and they list all sorts of jobs available in your area. Target, Kohl's, Sears, some of the portrait studios, UPS as driver helpers, seasonal warehouse work, tons of them are listed. And how about one of the temp services? I worked for Kelly Services for years here, and loved going to different companies every week, sometimes a company would request me for three months at a time. And you are usually treated so well, because they are glad to get help. And it can help with the skills you already have.
I am sure you and Gabe will come up with something. Good Luck. vc
Dang! There are days where I just want out of my head. Anyone have any idea how to do that?
The last couple of days I've been struggling with old patterns and working at not slipping into them.
Example - In the morning Gabe and I get up at the same time. Usually he ends up going to make sure Marc is up and getting dressed for school. He then goes in the kitchen and starts the coffee pot (he doesn't drink coffee, just me) and make breakfast for me and Marc. Mind you, I never asked him to do all of this, he just does. I appreciate it and make sure to always thank him for it but I feel like I'm taking advantage of him or something. The last two mornings I have made an effort to get up and out the room before he does to get Marc up and start the coffee. He still comes out and makes my breakfast though. Again, I don't ask him to but he gets to it before I do.
It seems to me he does it out of love but I'm just afraid it will turn to resentment from him at some point even though I never asked him to do it. He threw that nugget at me in the past and it scares me that it could be repeated.
What should I do? If I tell him he doesn't need to do this for me but I sincerely appreciate that he does do you think that would be enough?
This sounds like a pretty simple thing doesn't it? In my head it's not simple, it's torture. I rip myself apart agonizing over what I should say that won't make him angry with me.
If I can't even talk to him about this one simple thing, is it that surprising that I am completely frozen in fear to talk about anything more important? Like, oh, let's say the direction our R is taking?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Just say thanks, that you appreciate him getting your breakfast, it's very nice of him, etc. And do something nice for him, sometime, like his favorite dinner and dessert, and tell him he's so sweet to fix your breakfast, you wanted to do something nice for him. If you tell him he doesn't need to fix your breakfast, he may feel you would rather he didn't, because he wouldn't if he didn't want to, I guess.
Does it seem your R is going in the direction of R?
Gabe wouldn't be making breakfast if he didn't want to! You are letting your lack of sef-worth get to you again! I don't think you need to tell him anything, other than "Thank You!" Do you really think he would be doing it if he was feeling resentment? He may be doing it out of guilt, but it isn't your problem to figure that out, in my opinion.
My GF likes to do things around the house. I have had the same fears that you do, and she points out to me that she does them because she wants to. One thing I try to do is to participate when she does it, while at the same time appreciating it. MAybe you could do the same.... maybe you could clean up behind him as he is fixing breakfast, so that it's something you are doing together?
Mish, people need to feel that they are needed! Let him do what he needs to do to feel that. If you take the things he does away from him by saying "you don't need to do that" you will indeed create resentment. Thanks and a big hug is all he needs. Let him do what he feels he can for you, it's loving for him to do it and loving for you to receive it.
Jeff!!!!! Buddy!!!!! Miss you around here so much but so glad that things are going so great for you! If anyone I know deserves a great outcome from all this mess, it's you.
You are totally right. I'm letting my own issues cloud what he is doing for me. One part of my brain says he does this strictly from a place of love, not from any sense of obligation. The other part of brain panics and remembers all the hurtful things that he said when he left about me treating him like a piece of furniture and feeling taken advantage of. I know those cruel comments were only partially true but they still linger and I freak out when I think I'm not doing enough for him to feel loved and taken care of.
I made a point of telling him I was so grateful that he makes this every morning for me. It saves me a massive amount of time and allows me to sleep a few extra minutes.
As far as what I can do to make sure he feels loved, I clean, make dinner most every night, laundry, play carpool mom, and manage the household bills as best I can so that he doesn't feel that stress. He already works two jobs and is trying to get more. It's the very least I can do. There are numerous other ways I express my love for him but those are the most overt ways. I just hope it's enough. I don't ever want to go back to 'that place' again where we both felt so unwanted and it pushed him into the broom's arms.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
(2) I don't think you are crazy at all for worrying about Gabe getting resentful. People who have a pattern of subordinating their needs and then resenting it tend to repeat that pattern.
(3) Have you considered being direct about this? "Gabe, I feel so great, so loved, so supported, when you do x,y,z. You are a great partner. How can I be a better partner to you?"
I have tried and tried to determine his LL. I am fairly certain it's physical touch followed closely by AOS. I make every effort to fulfill each of those.
Thanks for thinking I'm not crazy....at least when it comes to my worry. LOL
Direct? Well.....you know how much trouble I have with that. That would require actually talking about our R. I never have been able to do that and he certainly isn't about to. I really like the way you worded that through. Regardless of what definition he puts on our R in his head, we definitely have a partnership at the very least. I'm going to give that a whirl!
We are going to the movies tonigh to see 'Tower Heist'. I got free movie tickets...WOO HOO! No dinner but at least the movie part of date night. That will be really fun. It looks like a really funny movie and it certainly has a great cast.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Glad you are going to go and have some fun. I do like the way OT worded that. Give it a try. Everyone likes to feel appreciated now and then. That should be the easy part to say. Sounds like everything else is moving in the right direction. No one said you had to be on a speeding train.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Re ADD and supplements... I posted to CTH pretty much everything I know. But here is just a little bit more. I discovered the magical powers of taurine using the little 5-hour energy drinks on long drives. Not only did they keep me awake (they have lots of caffeine), but they made everything go better at work. Turns out they also include Taurine and Tyrosine. Weird, huh? Well, I started paying attention and it was true. I had H try them (he's ADD too and with lots of stress at work, he was starting to get irritable/anxious too). Well, they were the magic bullet for him too. So, I googled to confirm we weren't imagining things and we weren't. If you google "adhd taurine tyrosine" you'll find a TON of stuff. Here are some websites:
But, there is just tons more info too. For me, I know it works because I didn't have in mind at all that a 5-hour energy drink would do anything.
I also saw this, which suggests different combinations of stuff for different kinds of ADHD. I'm not sure how seriously I'd take the website though as they seem to be selling stuff, still it looked somewhat interesting: http://www.amenclinics.com/clinics/information/ways-we-can-help/adhd-add/
LOL