I am not sure where to put this, so i decided here was the best place as I think my husband was in a mid life crisis. back in january of 2010 he called me and stated he wanted a divorce, I was shocked to say the least. I was hurt and sad then my son said to me one day mommy you dont cook nice dinners anymore, that was it, I snapped out of my depression and was at the market that day and cooking him a nice dinner, If my husband didnt want to be here then there was nothing i could do to make him, so i decided i would move on for myself and my son. my son didnt need his mother to be sad and depressed all the time and neglecting him for my own selflessness. the next few weeks were hard sitting down playing with him and not breaking down. but I pulled myself through it.
the next month my son and i were on a plane to disney, we had a great time. later i found out husband was seeing someone, it didnt bother me as much as i thought, mabey cause I was already working on myself and I was very low contact with him, only when it had to do with our son or the house. (moved out a couple days after he asked for the divorce, well i told him he couldnt stay with us) he also had a lawyer the day after. and i had one 2 days after. anyway, we were in the middle of selling our home, he wasnt around much just the two days he had visitation, he would call all day long probably 20 times a day, when my lawyer seen the phone bill she was most upset stating to his lawyer the phone calls had to stop, he only needed to call son two times a day, 20 is outragious.
so we did all our court dates and i was fine figured i had to be this was what my life was gonna be like now, we were together 22 yrs and married almost ten, our ten yr anniversary was in september during our divorce. we were civil for our son and that was it. we signed our son up for tee ball this past summer, it was weird being at the games with his parents there but i was civil as i am very forgiving, of course his parents were so involved they blamed me for the whole thing. whatever. his mom never wanted any of her sons married anyway, misery loves company. she is divorced from his dad and still not over it. i think husband was expecting me to be like her and fall apart like she did. but i was and still am stronger than she is or ever will be.
well in july i ended up in surgery for an emergency appentisitis, and husband brought son up to visit me, he was hanging around alot, mabey his gf dumped him, he was coming over to much actually, i had to tell him he could pick son up on other days other than his visitation but he couldnt hang around in the house cause our son was getting the wrong idea, he thought we were gonna get back together. he agreed. I was doing my thing and going out with friends. one day he was over picking him up and asked if we could have lunch to catch up, i said nothing to catch up on were getting divorced. it was actually a week before the divorce was to be final, he kept asking me to lunch i kept blowing him off.
finally my sister said just go and see what he wants, my family was still cool with him, it wasnt there divorce, they still treated him like family. so i ended up going and he asked if we could reconcile. we had a long talk about what had to change and we wouldnt rush into anything we would date and not tell our son until we were sure. well that was the end of july and were still together, were living with each other again as a family. we went on a family vacation for a week and had a great time. although it did feel weird after not being together for over a yr and a half things are going great, he was so controlling and not very attentive, I see him changing its shocking as i thought he would never change but you can change if you truely want to. I asked him what his family would think and he said he didnt care they didnt live his life, another shcok because his mother and definatly his father are big influences on him. he spent thousands of dollars on this divorce and i thought for sure he would get it since he spent so much on it. he was the type to follow through with things. so things are going great, he even texts me cute things daily which is another thing i would have never thought he would do. i usually text back, who is this. lol our son was great through the whold ordeal because i didnt change his life at all, we did everything we used to. I didnt want him to suffer and be screwed up.
he is thriving in school and he is the sweetest child(not all the time of course) but i am glad he wasnt affected like some children are, my husband had a hard time with his parents divorce because his mother put herself first she neglected to realise the kids are hurting to, she laid on the couch for 2 yrs crying and doing vindictive things to the dad. so that is what my huisband seen, i didnt want my son to live like that. so its possible to reconcile were living proof. but i do know that nc is the best thing, because i think it made my husband realise i was strong and i could do it without him, and if he didnt come back i was fine because of the nc. so keep your heads up and work on yourself if not for you for your children who never asked for this life.
Bravo, Drewsmom! You are one strong woman. I wish we could all be like you. YOur son and husband are two lucky guys! Thank you for sharing.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
Thank you for sharing your encouraging story drewsmom.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
This is a great story! I too agree with the NC sort of thing, and strongly wonder if my H and I did that, where we would be now. You give me inspiration.
Really separation can bring people back together and can be what people need to really get things into perspective. It seems the MLcer goes throught his temporary insanity while the LBS is left keeping it all together, and putting back pieces.
