Alamo, That makes sense. Praying for you, appreciate your prayers as well.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
UPDATE Zero eye contact. Zero mutual conversations. Zero warmth.
That is, in summary, my wife whenever she comes to pick up our son. The only time she talked to me this week was to let me know that she will be going to the East Coast the first week of November for hospital interviews, and that I will be "getting" our son for that time.
She almost resembles a walking Alanis Morissette album.
This is what I'm fighting for? In a word, no.
I fight primarily for the sake of our son, and just as importantly for what was good in our relationship.
I shattered the glass, but will risk the nicks, cuts and seemingly impossible to put it together.
I guess I'm saying that at the rate she has drifted off into space, and me practicing 'distancing' (heck, maybe my wife is practicing the same thing?), it seems like it'll take a whole lot to pull us back together; she still sees (and obviously detests) the old me, while I detest the new her. See what I mean?
"she still sees (and obviously detests) the old me, while I detest the new her."
Unfortunately, that is very well-said...and the truth for most of us.
And yet, the more I sit and ponder on this, the more I wonder if this is truly God's test for any person: to love someone - anyone - unquestionably. If I start drawing a line in the sand when it comes to being forgiving and loving, then I've failed Him, and in this regard, am no better than what my wife is.
It truly is the test of learning to love unconditionally. Now that I'm in this mess and look back, I don't know that I've loved my W unconditionally. Maybe I have and I'm being too hard on myself, or maybe I haven't.
There are many parts of my W, as she is currently constructed, that I don't care for. But she is the mother of my son and the one I chose to partner with for life. So if I am to love her unconditionally I have to love the warts as well as the beautiful parts. And then hope we can work on each other's warts over time.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
I guess I'm saying that at the rate she has drifted off into space, and me practicing 'distancing' (heck, maybe my wife is practicing the same thing?), it seems like it'll take a whole lot to pull us back together; she still sees (and obviously detests) the old me, while I detest the new her. See what I mean?
I've wondered about this a lot lately, what if our spouses have bought the same books and are DB-ing us? My W has recently begun to mirror my actions almost exactly. She was over yesterday to take our son shopping and we both talked almost like she had never left, and was still living here. It felt like they were just going out and would be back for dinner rather than her dropping him at the door and leaving. I'm very confused about this...
Pardon me for writing this little biblical lesson. I thought it might help some of us, at least. The lesson talks about parents and siblings, but I feel it definitely applies to spouses, WASes and their families.
The Key to a Healthy Family - pt.1 Genesis 25, 27 - Unhealthy family dynamics, namely:
1. Trying to be competitive, i.e. sibling rivalry. Done through sports, then school, looks, popularity - it all revolves around competition. Sometimes between husband and wife. Competition between parents and child. College to job, or money making. Things like these also are present in the church family.
2. Claiming independence Thinking that severing relationships with family will solve problems. We must have relationships to exist. God made us this way.
3. Hosea 2:2-15 Thinking "What's in it for me?" is selfishness. Happiness that is centered on getting "what I deserve". Some people who live on this principle (e.g. Gomer and Israel) are leeches. Why is God/Hosea married to Israel/Gomer? There is no reason for God/Hosea to love Israel/Gomer. They just do. God just does.
The Key: Unselfish Giving, i.e. Giving out of love with strings attached. God is vulnerable and lays His love on the line. That kind of love is more likely to win the human heart.
So there you have it. Thank you patiently reading this, guys. Do you want to know one interesting fact about this lesson? It's my wife's notes. Yes, you heard right -- about 10 years ago (she was 19), she took these very same notes down in a lecture she had. What happened to that awesome, compassionate and hot woman I fell in love with? You can thank myself and her for that.[u][/u]
