Hey GAL Man. Yeah.. at this point, FB is needed oh so much.. I've been using it nearly every night to connect to friends who I otherwise wouldn't be talking to. It's also been very useful in networking myself as an artist and for my Community Band Program. But DG is right.. it's time to take the steps needed to try and take the focus off of him.
Journaling -
This is the first Saturday drop off where he and K are spending the day with the kids (and her S4)... STBXH said they have lots of fun plans, parks, zoos.. etc etc... It's the Disneyland Dad syndrome rearing it's head up again.
Still... I'm glad everyone is going to have a good time. Particularly glad for the kids. They were so excited because Daddy had a surprise for them. Quickly hugged me and then they jumped into his car. I stayed happy and upbeat.. told the kids I hope they have an awesome day and I'll take them home with me after I'm done work.
After their car drove away I had a bit of a cry. It felt more of a needed pressure release than anything else. Forgot to give them their coats (texted him "Do you want the kid's coats?" He said "No, it's going to be a hot day out today anyway") so I spent some time hugging their coats tightly before I got out of the car and came into work.
When does this stop hurting? Does it ever?
It's time to wake up and smell the reality... Even tho' I never, ever wanted this in a bazillion years... I'm going to be someone's ex-wife. Even typing that brings out feelings of anxiety.
Going to IC on Monday. Good. I think I need to start it.
After STBXH drops the kids off at my work for me to take back home I'm instead going to drive by his parents place and finally have a talk with them. He told me that he's informed his parents of our separation. Now I can feel free to approach them. They were so incredibly supportive of me the last time we separated.. I want to maintain a good relationship with them. I didn't want to tell them and have been avoiding them because I didn't know if they knew and I didn't want STBXH to think I was trying to undermine him if I ended up telling them first.
Oh the webs we weave....
After the talk with my in-laws.. which I know will be heavy and I'll end up crying in... I'm going home.. putting the kids to bed and calling High School Friend over to play cards and watch a movie. I know I'll need the "chill out" time and am looking forward to it.
In another note.. I'm starting to chronicle my feelings on leaving a long term relationship and entering single mom life (again) into an auto biographical webcomic. Just in the writing stages right now.. but the source material is fresh and it's a good way to get my feelings out.
Hope everyone has a good weekend out there in LBS land. One day at a time.
Yes, it will get easier in time. When my ex & I split I couldn't handle the weekends alone so I got a part time job for that time. I worked for a hospice for adults with AIDS.
That place changed my life and helped me in ways I can't even explain.
I'm not suggesting you get another job, but maybe find an activity for yourself to do while they are gone. If your like me, and I think you are because believe me, my kids are my world. But I love, love my alone time. It gives me the chance to focus on me and only me. My kids spent every other week with their Dad, so my alone time is for going out with friends, reading, whatever I want to do. I think it makes me a better mother, when they come home I am refreshed and ready to dedicate my life to them.
It does get easier, you will get through this. One day, when your stronger you can look back on this time in your life and remind yourself what you have overcome.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
DG, sorry for the threadjack, but that was exactly what I needed to hear, too.
I am struggling with being away from my D, never being away from her for more than 24 hours until now. It breaks my heart, and the thought of not getting to be a SAHM anymore is devastating. I waited a long, long time to have a child because I wasn't in a position to stay home, and now it's worse- I not only will have to put her in daycare, I'll lose even more time with H's visitation.
LC, I feel for you, dealing with the same feelings myself. Hope it gets easier for you and your visit with the ILs goes well... sounds like you did a great job DBing when your STBXH got the kids. Play that ukulele, girl!
DG, sorry for the threadjack, but that was exactly what I needed to hear, too.
I am struggling with being away from my D, never being away from her for more than 24 hours until now. It breaks my heart, and the thought of not getting to be a SAHM anymore is devastating. I waited a long, long time to have a child because I wasn't in a position to stay home, and now it's worse- I not only will have to put her in daycare, I'll lose even more time with H's visitation.
Don't apologize for thread jacking, we all do it from time to time and we also learn a lot about our situations from other people's.
I know it's hard to give time with your daughter, but don't look at it as you missing out on time with her, look at it as it is important for your D to have time with both of her parents, and it is good that she sees her Dad.
I know, it's so much easier said than done...but if you enjoy your time alone you will enjoy time with your D that much more.
Well, after STBXH dropped the kids off at my work I drove to his parents place, taking an alternate route so he didn't know where I was going.
Had a tearful talk with his Mom and Dad, both of whom think I should put STBXH out of my mind. I agree. They're pretty upset with him embarking on a path of self destruction again and upset that he's lied to them about where he's been staying. Fortunately I didn't have to tell them.. they figured it out on their own when they contacted STBXH on the phone one (he told them he was sleeping on a male friend's couch) and they heard K's voice in the background. Also said they are catching him in other lies. In many ways, they are recognizing that it's like the last time. (In 2008 with OW#1)
My INs don't think there is a relationship to be salvaged and that their son will never want to be tied down. They said they had a talk with him about "harvesting his balls" if he neglected his financial responsibilities to his kids.
And they offered me their love and support. I'm very lucky indeed.
That is good that they are being supportive. This has to be hard for them also.
I am still close with my exh's parents. They are great people who love our boys to death. They show up to all the concerts, school plays, sports, etc. And I am grateful that they have been there. I think the hardest part about my D was losing his family. I loved them very much. I still do, but in a different way.
My H's family hasn't reached out to me at all, and it is kind of upsetting. Especially because they haven't tried to reach out to my kids. But then again, my parents haven't reached out to my H or his S either. Mostly because I don't want another people involved in this.
Keep strong LC, you'll be just fine.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
Yeah.. at this point, FB is needed oh so much.. I've been using it nearly every night to connect to friends who I otherwise wouldn't be talking to. It's also been very useful in networking myself as an artist and for my Community Band Program. But DG is right.. it's time to take the steps needed to try and take the focus off of him.