Everwhere is walking distance if you have the time

[ClingingToHope]

Journaling:

Getting girls ready for school and out of the blue XW comes over. D9 has dance class tonight so she brings by her bag and discusses the schedule.

This couldn't have been handled by text or email?

D9 ends up getting a stomach bug so XW calls and asks if I can pick her up. Yes. She says she'll be over at 12:15 p.m. to pick her up. I know better. She's rarely on time. Sure enough it's 1 p.m. before she gets here.

Sigh. I'd call her on it, but she'd just retaliate by turning down switches when I need to work at one of the part-time jobs.

Low key Sunday. Girls watched a lot of TV. Once they went to sleep I was messaging one lady on Facebook. We might get drinks on Thursday. She's the one separated from an old classmate so this is purely for something to do on a Thursday. Plus, I'm curious to see her up close.

Thursday noon lunch date is still on.

I've also been exchanging messages with another lady from a town 30 minutes from here.

OK Cupid has worked a lot better for me.

Well, time to get back to work.

[oldtimer]

CTH,

This is the one thing to keep in mind: ALMOST ALL Rs don't work out, that's why we date :-)

Given that, keep your eyes open, what works for you? what doesn't?

OK, fine, I married the first guy I really dated after D. But, ALMOST ALL dating Rs don't work out. And, I think having that in mind let me be detached enough for real intimacy to grow.

When you grok while real intimacy requires detachment, you will be a tremendous guy.

[kml]

I would put a more positive spin on that idea - almost all dating relationships don't lead to MARRIAGE. That doesn't mean they aren't good or even perfect for what you need at the time.

I would say, the three men I've dated before the current guy (after my divorce) were all perfect for what I needed at the time, even if I didn't always recognize it at the time! And they are all three of them good friends and big fans of mine still, despite the varied circumstances that kept us from being appropriate for a long-term relationship. Be open to the possibilities.

[oldtimer]

Cheers kml, agreed.

[ClingingToHope]

I am open to anything. I'm just trying not to get ahead of myself.

[ClingingToHope]

Crazy night last night. Went to a seminar on credit restoration. Company will lift your credit score for just $99 a month. SCAM.

Marriage rebuilders class. Led the discussion at a table. Think I did OK. I pushed a couple of people to go further. The guy at the table is a mess. He's more honest than I am. There are still things I won't admit that he readily talked about.

Then to the developer's office, the one I'm recording his autobiography. That was funny. We worked on the book for two hours and then spent the last three talking divorce, kids. At one point, I'm helping this guy worth at least $100 million clean out his Match.com. He didn't know you could eliminate profiles so they won't come up again or how to see who has viewed him.

I mentioned my XW is on there so he made me call up her bio and eliminate it so he never made the mistake of contacting her. She's added a couple more pictures from her South Dakota trip last year. They looked good.

A bizarre night.

Lunch date is tomorrow and I really need to calm myself down. Back in December, when I went out with that lady from a city 30 minutes north of here, I knew there was no long term future. I wasn't going to move up there so I just went for fun and had a great time.

Now, I'm nervous. I want to make a good impression. I want a second date. I haven't even met her. I feel like I'm in high school again.

[ClingingToHope]

Sigh... Message this morning from OKC (OKCupid girl). She said she had to pick her sick son up from school and she had to reschedule.

This reminded me of my December fling. We were going to go out to dinner. She messaged me that morning claiming a family thing. We were going to reschedule then she fessed up, she'd starting dating someone.

Of course, a month later she got back in touch with me, it wasn't working out with the other guy, we did go out, she turned out crazy and ...

OKC and I have rescheduled for next Thursday though so I still think the date will happen.

Still, I feel like a lot of air was let out of my balloon -- so to speak.

Here's the exchange. Do you think I sound too eager.

OKC: I hate to do this, but I just got a call from the school and my son is sick. I have to go pick him up since his dad can't. Can we reschedule??

CTH: I am disappointed, but I understand. I am usually the one who has to pick up the girls when they are sick. I hope he hasn't caught something too serious.

Definitely I'd like to reschedule. I'm really looking forward to meeting you. Do you want to just push it until next Thursday or would a day earlier in the week work better?

OKC: Sorry again, but thanks for understanding.

Next Thursday works for me. Same time and place?

[Drew]

CTH: I am disappointed, but No problem, I understand! I am usually the one who has to pick up the girls when they are sick. I hope he hasn't caught something too serious.

Definitely I'd like to reschedule. I'm really looking forward to meeting you. Do you want to just push it until next Thursday or would a day earlier in the week work better?

OKC: Sorry again, but thanks for understanding.

Next Thursday works for me. Same time and place?

But then those would be my words, not yours.

[ClingingToHope]

Insanely busy Friday but then a much slower Saturday and Sunday. Rest, catch up on projects, catch up on work. The next three weekends are all jam packed.

Last night D9 called me before going to bed to apologize for the meltdown on Wednesday. The funny thing is that I've gotten so used to these incidents that I couldn't remember what happened on Wednesday.

XW called at 7 p.m. because D12 wasn't at my house waiting for her to pick her up. She got bored and went to a neighbor's house. She wasn't supposed to do that, but XW was supposed to pick her up at 5:45. She was an hour late getting both girls.

When she called though I didn't say anything. Not a battle I needed to pick at that time.

Trying not to stress about lunch date being pushed back a week. OKC and I were messaging back and forth three, four times a day, now she's cut back to responding once a day.

She could be backing off or just extremely busy. She said she has tons of family coming over Saturday and Sunday for a birthday party then baby shower.

A friend of mine asked me if I had her number yet. I said no, I was going to ask for it at lunch. I thought that was a reasonable progression.

As long as date eventually happens I'll be fine. I just want to get back into practice. Looking back, it's always been once I got the date then it was good. I never dated a lot, when I did, it usually lasted several months.

But that was pre-Internet. Who knows now?

I read a chapter on online dating in Mark Penn's Micro Trends. In the latest survey, 2009, 17 percent of the marriages taking place that year were couples who met online. That was the same percentage as those who met in church.

I thought that was interesting. I still know people who look at me funny when I mention it, but really it's all about expanding your opportunity pool. OKC works in a different part of town. Lives in a city 20 minutes away. Her kids go to different schools. I used to work with her uncle, but he retired five years ago and I haven't seen him in at least two, so it's doubtful he even knows I'm divorced now.

The likelihood of us meeting without OKC was extremely low.

So it's all good.

[kml]

Remember, though, it's not a date - just a meeting. No matter how much you like someone when you are chatting online and looking at their photo, you really can't know much until you meet in real life. You might not like their smell, their tics, their voice - a million things. So don't put too much pressure on the first meet - it's just an opportunity to see if you ARE attracted enough to go out.

And in the same vein - don't put all your eggs in one basket. That's one of the oddities about online dating, by its very nature you have several lines in the water at once. She might like you but then before you meet she has lunch with some other guy who has also been writing to her and they hit it off - happens all the time. It's no harm, no foul in online dating - you just have to expect stuff like that to happen. SO make sure you are still at least looking around.