Everwhere is walking distance if you have the time

[ClingingToHope]

I don't disagree. It's something I'm working on. I've figured out the XW was a trophy wife. I was so proud to be married to her because of how she looked. I guess I figured I could work around the rest.

Funny thing, one of my best friends in high school was the guy who got all the girls. Prom/home coming king who dated all of the hottest babes.

I sooooooooooooo envied him.

His life took a detour in college. He partied too much, flunked out and went to work for his dad, putting in drainage systems at sports fields.

He was working up in Michigan where he met his future wife. I love her. She's extremely smart, extremely funny, just a perfect personality.

She's no beauty though. I always figured he'd marry a beauty queen.

Instead I did. Now I'm divorced and they appear to be going strong, 16 years married now. She made him move away from here because he spent too much time partying with his hard-drinking high school buddies.

Sigh ...

[oldtimer]

CTH,

Great insight. Think about what it means about how you treat, view and value people.

What do you think it meant throughout your M, what it continues to mean to how you treat, view, and value XW, and MOST important, what it means about how you treat, view, and value your daughters, especially the one whose weight concerns you?

[ClingingToHope]

Entourage finale on HBO was interesting. EVERYTHING worked out. The movie star convinces the skeptical journalist to marry him and fly to Paris. The buddy who lost his fiance because he wouldn't sign a prenuptial agreement gets her back because she's pregnant and his friends convince her that love conquers all. And the super agent in the middle of a divorce just walks away from his career and wins his wife back with a speech and a band.

Really? This is how life works isn't it.

[whatisis]

Really? This is how life works isn't it.

It worked for me...all except the part about getting my wife back otherwise it went like clockwork! lol

[ClingingToHope]

Little bit of a downer yesterday. D12 was going on and on about her fun weekend with her friend at XW's and I felt a little bitter.

Then I realized this might be feeling XW gets after the girls come back from the several fun weekends we've had. XW complains to the girls about me being the "fun" parent.

Checked Cupid.com for the first time in months. I'd forgotten about it. There was a cute someone from a town north of me who had checked my profile so I sent a message. She responded an hour later, we exchanged a few messages. Who knows if it'll continue. I'll send one in a couple of days.

That was enough to lift my mood.

D12 is going to have tons of scheduling stuff. She's in the school play and her Christian theater play as well. She's at school today until 6 p.m. I send XW a text asking if she'll be by to pick D9 up before getting D12 since I have to be somewhere by 6:15 p.m.

She responds that she didn't know about rehearsal.

??

It has been a very busy few days and I have lots to do. At times I feel exhausted and others I feel like I'm beating back the blues with all of the activities.

Not sure what to make of my feelings.

[ClingingToHope]

It looks like D9 had an awful day at school. The school was able to reach XW and fill her in. Me? I just picked D9 up at her normal time. D9 filled me in on the day and we worked on a puzzle until XW picked her up.

The school already says its running out of ideas on how to handle D9. It's going to be a very interesting year.

[mishka422]

It's the school's responsibility to 'handle' her. She falls under 'no child left behind'. If she is not being a danger to herself or her classmates then they have to find a solution.

I know you balk at this, but I'm going to say it again anyway because I'm seriously concerned for your daughter. I can tell you from experience that schools will do the bare minimum to accommodate a 'problem child'. If your individual school is not equipped to handle your D9's specific situation, maybe another school in the county is. I was just fortunate that the best schools in our county (and actually in the state of GA) for kids on the spectrum are the schools we live in the area for. Even given that it took a lot of pushing and going higher up the food chain to get him re-evaluated and re-classified. Until he was in 5th grade they had him labeled ADHD, OCD, and PDD. Not until I pushed harder did they do a more thorough eval (and this was also after he had been seeing a therapist for 3 years) and the county psychologist finally discovered he actually has Asperger's. It is SO mild that they hadn't been able to determine it earlier. That key word, Asperger's, opened so many doors that had been closed to us prior to that.

Forget about who should have the responsibility, she wants this, I want that mentality. You both want the best for your D9. That is all that matters. No animosity between the two of you overshadows that.

Call the county psychologist. I'm sure there is a listing on the school website for who that is and how to get in touch with them. You are entitled to request a full evaluation at any time if you feel your child is not getting all the services she may need. Federal funds are provided to schools that meet AYP specifically for these uses. You are a taxpayer! You already paid for the service....USE IT!

Please, please, please. I'm begging for your D9's sake. You are your child's only advocate. Speak up for her.

[ClingingToHope]

The suggestion I made to XW last night was to ask the school to get a teacher involved from D9's old school. She was specially trained to deal with students like D9 and by far did the best with her. I want the current school to get her input.

I am going to be patient. I don't have the feeling that they aren't trying. And, not to blow my own horn, if we get that feeling there will be consequences. I am personally friends with five of the seven school board members. I am on a first name basis with the superintendent and I went to school with two of the office staffers.

She will not fall through the cracks.

Still, this is a boundary issue. XW is the custodial parent and she WANTS this responsibility. I never realized until after it was too late just how much she always wanted this responsibility, and when I would "take care" of things for her it really just chipped away at her self esteem.

I see myself now as the closer. If XW is unhappy with what's going on and asks me to step in then I will. She will ask if she's not getting satisfaction. I am not afraid of that.

Deep down, I'd still like to hold D9 back a year. I don't know how to do it if she keeps muddling by. If she has a year where she just doesn't make progress then perhaps I can convince everyone that's the direction to go. I planted the seed in our first IEP meeting.

Side note, anyone tried Cupid.com? I forgot I signed up for it, checked it out this weekend, saw that a women who looks cute checked out my profile, messaged her Sunday and she responded. Monday, she responded again. She's the financial manager of a large nonprofit in town and went to the same college I went to.

Still, financially, I'm still not ready for dating. I'm still just keeping myself above water. It's just fun to message back and forth.

OK. Back to writing a story about banking. I'm really bored of this job.

[kml]

Yes, I've met some dates on ok cupid. My first boyfriend after the divorce was actually from Plentyoffish, but I like the selection of people better on OKC (they seem smarter and hipper?).

I dated a couple of very nice men from OKC.

If dating is financially problematic for you, that doesn't have to be a deal-breaker, at least for the right woman. One guy I dated was very up front on his profile (not necessarily a good idea for you, btw) about the fact that he was working hard to save for school. For me, if a guy is clear about his finances (i.e. I am working hard to pay off debt from my divorce and therefore watching my expenses) AND puts the effort out to make fun no-cost or low-cost dates, I would be very impressed with that.

I had one boyfriend in college who was flat broke but won me over by riding the bus 2 hours to visit me and bringing me a flower he picked from someone's yard on the way. A picnic can be a very romantic date. It matters more to me that a guy puts THOUGHT into the date, rather than money. Be creative.

[awest1217]

I agree with kml and mishka.

With mishka, I think also it is very important to have D9 get a full re-evaluation. The tantrums she has and melt downs seems to me (and I could be wrong), but seems with the extra ones that there may be something else also affecting her behavior, which if diagnosed can lead you to good therapy ideas to help her and you. Some of the issues don't show up until later in life so it is always good to get that checked again. I know XW wants to be in charge, but it is ok for you to suggest some ideas and express your concerns as well. Maybe keep a journal of when she blows up at school or home when she is with you and see if you can find similarities or causes. It is so important to help her now, and just holding her back won't help. She needs some direct support on social interactions, which will just help her more later. Holding her back could help with the academics, but negatively impact her behavior. I say ask for a full re-evaluation and see where that leads.

With kml, a date doesn't have to be expensive. I know the dates I remember most are ones like going on a picnic or walking through the park and getting some ice cream (or with the colder weather a coffee) that could cost less than $10 and be a lot more fun. Try to think out of the box and creatively because the money shouldn't stop you from finding a new friend, and even a possible new relationship because you deserve it.