Well, the only reason I am her is I've got a damn cold and I can't sleep because of the coughing and nose blowing. So I just downed some nitetime theraflu nasty tasting stuff and hoping it will kick in soon.
Like I said above, I am now in cohabitation limbo. It's been inconvenient at best. XW finally got a job teaching at a charter school, but it's not what she really wants to do, so it's a between jobs job. Still looking.
I have been keeping busy, but not too much. I really am off her trainwreck although last week I experienced an emotional flashback. For some reason or other, when she told me she planned to be out of town last weekend, feelings of bitterness resurfaced and it took until after she was gone for them to go away. Obviously, her long distance affair continues. Other than that, I'm fine.
I try not to let the cake eating get to me or the distancing behavior, no hellos or goodbyes or any nicities. I'm sure the kids find it odd and probably disturbing, but there's nothing I can do about it. All I know is that when D17 (soon to be D18) graduates we're going have that little talk about XW Moving out. I know that will help my disposition and eliminate any future flashbacks.
I harbor no illusions about any reconciliation possibilities in the forseeable future. XW has just turned my care switch in that dept totally off. My focus is to raise the kids as best I can while she does her mom part, the co-parenting. Like I said it's inconvenient, this arrangement, but it's only for a little while in the grand scheme. I do hope and pray that S12 who will be S13 by then adjusts to the seperation, which is what divorced people do after all. I am look forward to it.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Me too love the football. I hope all is well with you. If I recall you are for some team up north of us. Penn State? I am still trying to keep up my spirit to say Go Gators! Be well.
Penn State is 6-1 and winning real ugly. Talking heads are just waiting for us to stumble - no respect. But who cares? "Just win baby" - Al Davis.
If your Gators can find someone who can catch a punt, they might right the ship. Three fumbled punts against Auburn? C'mon man !!!
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
For a number of years we used to spend Thanksgiving with friends in Louisiana. Last year we didn't b/c it was just after the bomb. But XW tells me tonight that we are invited this year. My immediate thought was "what?". So I old her, "Let me think about it."
I don't know what to make of it. The sleeping arrangements will obviously be different, and all the people we're used to seeing as a couple will be there, and I'm sure they'll know the D story. I've put up with so much crap already, I just don't feel ready to deal with all that. But these are our friends.
What do you think?
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
I think go for dinner and make your own sleeping arrangments. Make your own travel arrangements too, so you're never stuck.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
We usually spend Wed nite thru Sat nite at their house. That's what I mean by sleeping arrangements. We used to share a bedroom; now it'll be awkward.
I'm leaning toward letting her take the kids to Louisiana and I'll spend Thanksgiving with my parents. Really it's her friend. Her husband is just a nice guy I get along with, but we don't keep in touch during the rest of the year.
Oh BTW, today's our anniversary.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Anniversaries are tough man. Gone thru two and it's really ugly for me because we M on Valentine's. Ugh, seemed romantic, fun, and quirky at the time, now seems more like a good way to shoot yourself in the foot in the event things go south.
Anyhow, my sincere suggestion is to try not to think on it. Put up the big red stop sign when you go there in your head. Regret none of it, because it made you who you are now and gave you two kids whom will be a part of you forever. The past is dust, your future unfolds in front of you.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
IAP, I agree with QoS, anniversaries are really tough. Mine was last Friday, and I'm convinced the thing that got me through it was hanging out with friends at a concert all night. The four hour drive home the next day... yeah, not as easy.
My only advice is to go do something fun that will take your mind off of things. Hang in there!
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
This isn't about an anniversary but... years ago I went and got a tattoo. I was away at some training at Fort Knox and some buddies were getting one. My W called me while we are at the parlor and she (an avid tattoo fan) made a comment about how I'd never get one. So to surprise/shock her I got one. Not a big one, nothing fancy.... but I did get her name, of course.
Though perhaps I had some foreshadowing then... as I had them do her name in Mandarin characters And since then I've come to realize the guy saw me coming and I don't think it says her name anyway... but at least now I can tell people it says whatever I want it to say... and no one is the wiser!
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
Thanks, guys. I'm not planning on doing anything special today. I am still under the weather. Thankfully XW works until 8:00 PM so I don't have to see her much. I'll probably go to the chapel tonight if I feel better.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
And since then I've come to realize the guy saw me coming and I don't think it says her name anyway... but at least now I can tell people it says whatever I want it to say... and no one is the wiser!