The good news is .. my H wants to come home. The bad news is .. my H wants to come home.
I first joined this site in 2005. My H and I had been married 20 years. It was a good marriage but almost overnight he went from a good man, husband and father to someone I didn't know. He did all the usual MC stuff .. motorcycle, young girlfriend, DUI's, verbal abuse, etc.
We D in 2007 but he never quite "cut the cord" with me. He lived with OW for 5 years. They are now over for several months, he has quit drinking, he sounds like the "old H" and wants to come home. I don't know. This will be a slow process, if it happens at all.
Anyway, just know that sometimes they DO come back .. and it will be up to you (like it's up to me now) if they can return.
Valeria - I remember you so well!! [I post under a different name now] I always thought your h would come out of it, eventually,and I also thought it might take a while!!
Sooo good to hear from you.
Do you remember Baseball Annie, and Lisette, and all those good people?? Holly too.
Valeria, I'm glad you came back to post. Wow! How do you feel about your xh wanting to return home? He is showing/proving to you that he wants to reconcile? I don't mean just saying the words, but actually showing you that he means it.
Val, it's going to take a lot of hard work and patience....I wish you and your family all of the best. But, yes, it is ultimately up to you as to whether you want to reconcile w/him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I never thought I would be back. I thought my story was a done deal!
He is very different this time. He always stayed in touch but his calls were sporadic and I never knew what kind of mood he would be in. I decided not to take his calls anymore.
He began calling again in July but I didn't answer his calls. He tricked me by calling from a different # about a month ago and I answered. In a nutshell, we have been talking frequently and he is the "old H" again. I was even able to (politely) unload a lot of old resentment and frustration in our phone convo last Sat. night. It was very therapeutic for me. He listened w/o interrupting and accepted full blame. He has apologized about 1,000 times so far. He even answered questions that always bugged me but I never thought I would get an answer to. Before, he would either change the subject or hang up so this is very different.
He is trying to rush things to come back but I'm not having it. I told him that it took him 6 years to break it and it won't be an overnight fix. I'm going to be a hard sell this time. Very slow until I'm absolutely sure.
Val, You are very wise to take it one step at a time and yes, you are absoluely correct...it took 6 long years to break it and w/hard work and total honesty, it will take quite some time to get to a place where you feel comfortable and can trust him again.
Val, I am very happy to see he's finally come back to earth and realized what he had done and can now see that you are the "prize". I'm praying for you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I think I remember you as well. All I want to say is that there's great risk in rushing this
and very little downside to taking it slow.
Plus, to be blunt, he's in no position to rush you, at all.
Why'd the OW R end?
IOW, what changed in HIS life that he now wants to go back to his old?
How's your life been without him?
What have you created for yourself, and what if anything,
are you willing to give up for a new one with him?
Having said all this, don't mistake my questions for a lack of delight at the turn of events.
I am glad, very. Good for you.
But make this about what you really want now, to be haoppy
and not just "winning" at it, you know?
Good luck!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Snodderly -- thank you for your prayers. And I especially thank you for your wise guidance during the years I was on this board.
Trusting -- The only thing I know for sure is that I want lots of time to make the right decision. I learned to make a life without him and if I choose to let him back into my life, it will be at my pace and on my terms. He is already respecting that because he has backed off on "pushing" to come home.
V, I remember you. I think if I remember correctly, your X was pretty mean?
I guess regardless it is rather gratifying to get the apology.
I am writing this as my X is here playing w/D. I could see him wanting to come back, but my fear is that it would be all nostalgia and "gosh, it's hard to make it financially w/o Forward" and not a genuine interest in me.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
