When life hands you lemons add alcohol and stir!

[MichelleLT]

Did you ask how he refers to you in conversation when he asked that question? Did you ask how he would prefer you refer to him?

He brought the question up because he's been thinking about it. Because he either was curious or concerned. His feelings were showing there.

Those moments when he does decide to open up can be built upon.

Time to start breaking down the walls!

Definitely get Passionate Marriage and read it. I need to reread it. It's thoroughly awesome.

[MichelleLT]

Actually, I just bought Intimacy & Desire by the same author on my Kindle (couldn't find Passionate Marriage for Kindle and when I read it originally I checked it out from the library). I'll let you know how it is!

[mishka422]

I was just posting to CTH about a strategy for changing his mindset about being alone and being ok with that and mentioned to him the lovely inner monologue I have in my head. The monologue hasn't improved much over time, but it has become shorter in duration. I see that as a small accomplishment. Gotta take the small joys when you see them, right?

So, last Wednesday I started Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. I know the basics of his principles already from another financial class I took but my church was offering the course on scolarship for those of us who are broker than broke! It tore me out of my blinders on denial I have been living in just trying to make it though. Just the quickie budget that does not include any credit card payments or extras, just the monthly general living expenses has sent me into a complete panic. Blinders are off and just on those things I'm short by over $600 a month. No wonder my savings dried up so darned fast. I kept having the cyphon off of it to pay the bills and buy groceries. This is going to be extra scary going forward. I hope to heavens I can figure out a way to cut some of this but I already have no extras in there. We'll see but the outlook is NOT GOOD! Emergency fund? HA!

Before you say it, I don't qualify for any help from anywhere. I make too much but not enough to pay my bills. Living expenses are just too high. I know I could cut off the cable and have no television (in my area you have to have cable, no antenna pics up the regular TV stations) and the internet (and find a cheap DSL service somewhere but that would require a phone line which I don't have). I can't get out of my cell contract without a massive fee plus it's my only phone since I don't have a home phone. I may be able to get a small discount on my car insurance so I'm going to work on that. It might save me about $20 a month. I had to quit Zumba which makes me very upset but that's $40 a month. Can't quit the gym until next May but that would only be $15 anyway and I use it. I can quit Weight Watchers which would save me another $40 a month. Keep in mind though that none of these things except the car insurance and cable were even part of that quick budget. Any other ideas of ways to cut things or talk my way out of any contracts?

I coupon like crazy so I'm alreay saving as much as possible on groceries. Even with that I'm still spending almost $500 a month! We hardly ever have any meat other than chicken breast (which I get on sale for $1.79-$1.99 a pound). I have no idea what else to do except have Ramen for every meal from now on!:)

Ideas please!!!! I'm desperate!!!

I've also looked for another job but it's impossible to get with my limited availability.

[kat727]

YOu get a lot of channels off of the internet so you could cut the cable out and leave the internet for now. Are you still this far under with Gabe's help?

I know this sounds like a silly way to save, but I started to make my own laundry soap. It works just as well as the other stuff but I do keep a small bit of it handy if I have a tough stain. I make a 5 gallon batch at a time, it costs about 5-6 dollars to get the inital stuff but then you are only using small portions to make a batch and it last a few months at that.

I have also been going on some of the coupon sites and signing up for freebies. I am kind of blown away on your grocery bill since I usually spend about $400 a month on the 5 of us. It fluctuates a little but not too much. I can't stand ramen but my kids love it so yes it is on their food list. I have also cut out eating out to one day a week. My parents take me out one day a week and then I take a sandwich and fruit for my sack lunch.

I am also going to check out Aldi's and see if I can save at least on staples. I guess I am lucky because my kids love breakfast for dinner. I don't want to be one of those crazy coupon ladies buying 50 antiacids at a time because I have 50 trillion coupons.

My oldest came off of child support in July so it dinged a bit more than I thought it would. I am figuring it out though. You will too. I am sure we can all help you think of some ideas.

Big hugs, kat

[kat727]

I was going to say too that there should be food pantries available to you. Have you looked into that? Also going to the bakery and buying bread direct without the mark-up. Are their farmer's markets around. That would help too.

[mishka422]

Gabe's help? There isn't any. His new job (just a week and a half now) pays next to nothing and he has his bills to pay. Sometimes he picks up stuff at the store for me when I need something.

We have a farmer's market here twice a week but the prices are just as high as the supermarket for vegetables so it doesn't help. I was shocked at that but it is what it is.

Grocery costs here are crazy. I thought California was bad, but it's just as bad here. The only exceptions to that rule seem to be milk and eggs. Bread, unless you are ok with basically eating glue, is minimum $2.50. Best rate we ever get on ground beef is $4.99 a pound. How does that compare? I'm always curious.

You know the weird thing, Comcast won't do internet only here. You have to have a bundle to keep their internet plus I'm stuck in a contract until next February. UGH!

I'll keep plugging away at it. I just can't see going to a food pantry because we spend too much on groceries. I just have to find other ways to do better. I don't buy bunches of coupon stuff just because I have them (I only buy 2 Sunday papers that they bundle here for 50 cents more than the single copy) but I use them for the stuff I use all the time. I get free body wash, toothaste, toothbrushes, and deoderant all the time. I love that because I hate spending money on those things when I need that to go to food items.

[kat727]

We have pantries available once a month where you don't have to fill out anything, you just drive up as they hand you stuff. I don't go but see them advertised.

Sounds as if food is cheaper here. We also have a wonderbread outlet here so I can go geth there bread. I don't always because I don't want to make a bunch of extra trips but if I am over on that side of town, I will go. They have some great deals.

I avoid Walmart at all costs, I can't stand to go there. Shop sales when I can. Hang in there.

kat

[BeginningAgain]

Look at your auto and home insurance deductibles. If they are $250 consider increasing them to $500 or even a $1000 if you are willing to take on that risk and if the insurance company tells you the difference in premiums will be significant.

Did you get a substantial tax refund this year? If so consider increasing your personal exemptions on your W-4 reducing how much tax is taken out of your paycheck which will increase your take home pay.

For groceries - is there a Costco or Sam's club near you? It may benefit you to buy in bulk and lower your overall bill.

Are you running central air or window air conditioners? Consider either increasing the temperature setting or turning them off and simply running fans. I know it gets hot in GA but cutting costs is cutting costs.

Cutting gas - any chance to carpool with anyone? Cut down on trips and plan your outings so that you kill 2 or even 3 birds with one trip out instead of making multiple trips.

Hope some or all of this helps.

BA

[kat727]

I was wondering has Gabe considered working security jobs? I know quite a few of our officers would work a shift or two at the major banks here in town as well as for local events. It has to pay better than minimum I would think.

kat

[mishka422]

He's tried, they aren't hiring. It's just horrible here. The last I heard, Georgia's unemployment rate was 3rd worst in the country...ugh!