How do you handle the XW that wants to be friends

[Drew]

I think my X will probably not ask to do anything together with the kids anymore.

Why is it only up to her?

"X, I don't wish to do things together with the kids anymore because I feel it gives them false hopes."

[whitneypinch]

Well, I thought it may have been her way to re-connect a bit.
I also do a lot of really special and unique things with my kids.

Sometimes you just don't know if their attempt to be friendly is a way to connect or just an ease of their guilt.
I alps think they are trying to show the kids and everyone else that this is all ok.

Ya, I don't have a problem saying no now.

[christienick]

good for you drew - whitney has been a wuss - and i am not saying this vindictively, as i was a bigger wuss than him. just dont ever contact her again - either she wont come back, which is the most likely outcome, but at least you stop getting your hopes up, or she will come back (long shot but the only slight hope). whitneys to the point of "well, she didnt stab me with a kitchen knife today, so she must really love me"

[christienick]

why would you want to be with a woman who thinks she is more important than her family

[whitneypinch]

I guess we don't decide who we fall in love with.

My old therapist said to me once "your XW didn't abandon her family, she abandoned you".

Sadly, we are a culture of self absorbed people now (Me Generation). The media tells us all that we should be happy as individuals at all costs.

Eat, pray, love is the perfect example. I HATE that movie !
There are a few great points in that movie that most miss. In one scene an old wise women asks Julia's character "where is your husband? Julia's character says "I am divorced". The old woman asks her "so, are you happy now?"
Julia's character loks at her with contempt...obviously not happy now.

At the end of the movie Julia's character sees flashbacks of her previous husband and boyfriend. The husband is with another woman and they have a baby.

Julia's character goes off on the boat with her new boyfriend.......

I guess I missed the point of that movie... other than it saying just go out and do whatever you want....and you will be happy.

Have a great long weekend.

[dolphin_05]

I really didn't like the selfishness portrayed in that movie.

[whitneypinch]

Well, unfortunately that is the message in society now.
I just hate that.

That website Ashley Madison that promotes affairs tag line is "Life's short, have an affair". The company is very successful.

I will say that my divorce has brought me soooo close to my children. We do everything together. I probably would not be that way as much had I still been married.

[dolphin_05]

I hadn't heard of Ashley Madison so went to have a look. How awful!

I wish for a society that really promotes family instead of 'me'.

[whitneypinch]

I agree 100%.

There is a lot of research that is pointing to our individualistic culture and it's negative effects on the environment as well.
Researchers are recommending that we become a more community based culture (like we used to be) to slow the rate of consumption of environmental resources as well.
Ooops, off topic.

My kids are away this weekend at their mother's brand new 9,000 square foot "cottage". It's a big party weekend with many friends and family staying at the adjacent "cottages" on the compound.
At least I know my kids will be having fun.

[forward]

WP,
Don't do things w/the X!! Find someone else to do them with!