The pedophile wants out of prison

[beatrice]

I have never posted to you about what happened with your daughter, because I did not know what to say. I am so very sorry that the counselling services failed you so miserably. It is like someone who has suffered endless medical malpractice. You have understandably lost faith in the process and possibility of help.

You have carried a most terrible burden without the help and support that can exist. I hope that you do find the right person one day, as they can explain and help so much, in my experience. Prior to MLC I was extremely sceptical about therapy.

You sound like a terrific person and a wonderful father. pushed to the limits by what life has thrown at them.

[sleeper]

Thanks to all who have posted.

I haven't totally given up on counseling as evidenced by the fact since probation issue has arisen I occasionally think I need some.

I think the counselor(s) we saw did the best they could. There was that "perfect storm" aspect as one counselor described it.

[figgeroni]

Sleeper...
It sounds as if you are experiencing a lot of PTSD (I am NOT a counselor but it feels to be similar to what I did)

I went through many therapists
I rejected one because she had big feet
several because they put their hands on their chin and said "how does that make you feel" and others for other reasons...

I was blessed with a few that were remarkable

I knew when I walked in I was safe

one was a Psychiatrist (major money...thank you insurance)

one was a licensed social worker who had conversations with me instead of making me do all the talking

and one helped me climb out of hell and her office smelled like lilacs...soft but always there...heaven

keep trying until you find one that is home to you
a safe port in a storm
a blanket that helps cover your toes

ask about EMDR therapy it has proven incredibly effect with lots of people
we were just beginning it when I moved

remember...
you can't keep your daughter's monsters away if they live in your own closet

[sleeper]

I'm gonna write a book one day. I had two three-ring binders full at one time. I threw them both away when I moved out of my first apt post-bomb. The counselor I was seeing at the time dropped his face into his hands when I told him in response to his suggestion I write a book.

What worked better than counseling was Zoloft. Ironically it wasn't identified as a treatment for PTSD when DD was raped, but several years later when bomb was dropped it was. In short, pharmacutical help was available but not known, so not offered.

PTSD is very different. The brain literally gets "rewired".

I stayed on the Zoloft for a couple of years. Then, believe it or not, I had an opportunity to participate in a program with NASA. Although I would pilot nothing, NASA required a flight physical. I passed with flying colors, except for the Zoloft. The fact I was taking that medication eliminated me from the program.

I refused to allow that SOB to impact my life again. I stopped taking the Zoloft.

I was fine until April when this parole doonboggle began.

[beatrice]

I was fine until April when this parole doonboggle began.

Hi, as I said I hesitate to offer comment because I cannot imagine being where you are. But what you wrote struck me - I have found that if I felt fine until something new happened in my sitch, it was a sign I was coping, rather than moving forward - recovery is not the word I would use here, as it could trivialise it.

Anyway to give an example, I was fine until the beginning of this week when my xh hit a new low in his treatment of his kids. [This is nearly 6 years on btw, I am not a newbie] I didn't deal with it well until I had a short session with my therapist who helped me understand what I was feeling, and how to deal with it. result? While not 100% fine, I am in a much better place emotionally, and looking at what happened differently.

Incidentally I have a lot of respect for the right medication. As with therapy, it depends hugely on getting the one that works for you and actually helps. Both have their place.

[seeking answers]

Sleeper,

I, too, have hesitated to post to you because I can't imagine going through what you and your family have gone through.

I just want to tell you how much I admire how you've held back your basest instinct knowing that if you carried it out you would not be there for your D. She has been and continues to be your priority. You are one hell of a father and man.

I am in awe as you continue to lead your family through this.

I pray that the monster stays right where he's at. To do what he's done is the lowest of the low. From what I understand even prisoners don't look kindly on child molesters...

[Twink]

I have found that if I felt fine until something new happened in my sitch, it was a sign I was coping, rather than moving forward.

Beatrice, I just wanted to concur with this excellent observation. I have found it to be true as well. Nothing has happened lately -- even with a D's graduation and a D's wedding -- that has affected me much, but I am not naive enough to think that nothing ever will. And then I will know more about where I am and how much father I have to go.

[sleeper]

Apparently I'm not the only one that has been impacted by this. Today X told me she's seeing a counselor again.

[sleeper]

Some very good news.

In the past few days I have learned there will be many professionals from various agencies at the hearing to speak against the pedophile's parole. Turns out the counselor X has been seeing is on the staff of the local agency that provides services (all types) for children who are victims of pedophiles.

That agency's caseload includes 5 other children in addition to the 4 he confessed to "molesting". In that capacity she works closely with the local DA. The counselor notified the DA and the assistant DA who prosecuted the case and they are writing statements that will be sent to the parole board.

The local child adoption agency is sending someone to speak (yes, the pedophile had applied to adopt a child and was in the process of being approved when arrested). And the local child welfare agency is sending someone because the pedophile had applied to be a child welfare worker who cares for children while the local courts deliberated welfare/custody issues. He told everyone he was a child welfare worker but now I don't think he was ever approved.

A side note: He was a public school teacher and a youth minister at his church to boot (to my knowledge they're not sending anyone which is probably best).

As you can summize, there are very good reasons for the many dents I made by beating my head against the walls in various residences in which I have lived.

I hope they have a big room for this hearing.

[Queen_of_Swords]

Holy Carp Batman!
I can see why you were frustrated. So many victims besides your own precious child.
Three words: Millstone -Neck -Sea.