Hi CL, It wasn’t too difficult to find those posts as I have a mental time line of your thread and as I have come to realise certain situation occur and reoccur without being properly addressed.
I agree with Starsky in that if you become overly reliant on “Cuddling” then you will get no where. Just as with the dancing you made some level of connection with W but it doesn’t get her to the point where she want to be, and that is regular ML.
Before you comment further you have answered my next point which is that you analyse things far too much and the actions are muted, or you will state what the action is but not follow through.
Originally Posted By: CL 08/07/11
I do agree that it's time for more action and less analyzing.
This is an example and I’m sure if I checked back I could find previous uses of this comment.
Anyway CL your wife (although a PITA) is a burning cauldron of passion and if you don’t tap into that you may find yourself in one of the old patterns of behaviour where she allows someone else to.
Keep pressing on as she is still allowing you the opportunity to be the man.
I agree with Starsky in that if you become overly reliant on “Cuddling” then you will get no where. Just as with the dancing you made some level of connection with W but it doesn’t get her to the point where she want to be, and that is regular ML.
Keep pressing on as she is still allowing you the opportunity to be the man.
Lanzo
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
I was complimented by my W for recent efforts in being a partner. I had done my homework in preparing for a dance my W wants to do (Hustle). When the teacher asked to show what I had prepared, I was ready.
My W thinks we're the best couple on the dance formation team. The feedback the instructor has for us it to be more relational in the dance (show the relational story), and to be more expressive in our movements. My W and I both need to work on this.
We were invited by our dance friends to join them at a karaoke bar. We had a great time, and I was persuaded to do my rendition of Frank Sinatra. My W enjoyed the female camraderie. She complimented me afterwards on my willingness to try something different and be a good sport about it.
The only conflict we had during the evening was when I lost my timing on the very small dance floor. My W is self-conscious and leaves little room for mistakes on my part. I decided to not let it ruin my evening. I danced with her very little for the rest of the evening, as I didn't want the pressure of being perfect. The other conflict was when she insisted that I perform a second karoake song. I initially resisted, but she was making an issue of it, so I surrendered.
On the way home, she made a comment about being reluctant to tell our new friends about our marital status. This has been an issue before. I asked her why, and she is under the impression that men won't ask her to dance if they know her marital status. I told her that I didn't think that played a significant role in the number of dances she had in an evening. I told her that I won't volunteer the information, but if asked, I'm going to tell our new friends that we're M. She said that would be fine (we don't wear rings).
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
She was asleep when I cuddled her, so it had no influence on the R.
Come on! That deserves more than a 2x4. If a man cuddles his wife in the woods but she was asleep and didn't even know he did it, does it count? Is he chicken [censored]? What is it you fear you have to lose? With as much compassion and love (as one internet friend can have for another)...what is it you fear so much?
It really appears, from where I stand, you are at the end of your journey. Your wife is just waiting for you to make the marriage whole.
Seriously and compassionately, what is it you think can go wrong? What is it that makes you afraid or unwilling to finish this thing? Of all the situations here, yours seems the closest to resolution. Dr. Robert Glover sent something around recently entitled, "The Fear Of Success." Is that you? You have danced, and worked out, and self reflected. You are ready.
Honest, serious, compassionate question, "Why not make love to your wife?" Do you fear rejection? Do you fear performance issues? I don't want my tone to seem harsh but it seems you are at the finish line and are unwilling or unable to cross. Why?
My heart breaks for you. Best wishes.
Me 44 She 46 S13 D9 M18 T23 3 years DB'ing Successfully busted
I thought you could check out this light hearted scene from the movie Bedazzled (2000) Brendan Frazer, Elizabeth Hurley, Hazel O’Connor, where Elliot (Brendan Frazer) is the overly sensitive guy and his girlfriend Alison (Hazel O’Connor) finds him just too sensitive.
