The pedophile wants out of prison

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Sleeper,

Have you talked to a therapist about this?

[sleeper]

Have you talked to a therapist...?

Been there, done that. We talked to two therapists and one therapist/minister of the church where we were members that never attended a single hearing during the trial. Our church was rather large and had four "ministers". Both of our children were born in that church. In all fairness I must mention I did recieve one phone call from the music minister after I resigned from the orchestra.

The minister from the perp's local church attended several of the first hearings and the minister from the church he grew up in traveled from several states away to give testimony what a wonderful person he really is.

Post-bomb I had sessions with one of the above "therapists". X even attended a couple with me. Needless to say, I no longer have any use for therapists or clergy. Once upon a time I sought out a support group for those with PTSD but found they're all veterans with battle related issues in our community.

I actually have had thoughts of seeking out counseling lately but then I realize what a waste of time, effort, money and emotional energy that has always proven to be.

[sleeper]

I took DD by to see X at work today. X has gone into focus mode on the hearing. She has contacted those involved in the pedophile's ivestigation and prosecution requesting written statements on theiir opinion of his possible parole.

She has also contacted the counselor I mentioned in the previous post that we saw together a few times. She told me she asked him to write a statement on the perp's, "impact on us and how he destroyed of our marriage". I found her comment interesting and a surprise because she placed the blame for our breakup solely on me at bomb. It should prove to be interesting reading if nothing se.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Therapist not we...for just you.

I can only imagine what you must be feeling apart from the words you write. And I'm pretty sure it doesn't even come close to how you feel. I am not trying to upset you, because in truth I can't imagine it.

The therapist for you only.

I'm not sure I should continue, because I do not want you to believe I feel this way about you, I simply don't.

If that had happened to one of my sons, I think it would shake the foundation of what I viewed being a father was. How I should have somehow done a better job.

A therapist for you, not for your marriage, or for your daughter, but for you sleeper. To help you...with demons.

Man I really hope you take that the way I am intending. Not even close to a judgement or 2x4. Concern with you healing you.

[Truegritter]

^^^^

Sleeper

I always follow along.

Man what we share (W with child sex abuse)I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

What has helped me lately is getting past the anger by NOT taking it on myself.

It is NOT MINE.

It is HERS.

God I wish it wasn't but it IS.

There is a peace that comes with that.

Not that everything is OK because it NEVER is. May NEVER be.

How many lives will it ruin?

As many as feel victim to it.

Do not be one of those.

Do not allow your D to be.

As much as in your power and control.

Your W is an adult and she has to make her own way

I think it is good you come back here man.

I know what I say you know. Sometimes it is just good to say it to someone who knows.

[dl443322]

Sleeper, I will not pretend to try to understand what you and your xw have suffered through. And I keep your d in my prayers.

I wanted to tell you to please try therapy again. It took me four different tries to find one that helped me. And she changed my life.

This is so big, so tough, still so raw and something that you will deal with the rest of your lives. I think telling it to someone who is not emotionally invested could possibly help with the healing of it.

You are an incredible father, S. Maybe you can find tools to help you and possibly your daughter in the future navigate through the understandable anger and hurt of this situation.

You are all in my prayers.

[Cyrena]

Sleeper,

As someone who was molested throughout much of my childhood, and has reached acceptance and forgiveness (not to my abuser, who would never ask for it, but as a way of ending his power over me, so that he stopped being The Defining Person in my Life), I agree completely with Jack, Grit and Brooklyn. Therapy is something you need to do just for you.

Also, many (most?) people do not understand the impact of sexual abuse. Most of my own family certainly do not. That's why it's important to find a therapist who is skilled in this subject. Interview as many as you need to until you find one you're confident can help you. It is possible to heal, to stop feeling like a victim, and I know there are therapists out there who can transform your life.

[sleeper]

I'm truly blown away by your responses. Nobody in our life understood, could identify, or knew what to say when this happened.

[sleeper]

No 2x4 taken, Jack.

I have had individual counseling. Mostly with the C that counseled us as a couple post child assault and individuals/couple post-bomb.

Coincidentally, today I went by his office to pick up a copy of a statement he prepared (at X's request) for Prob hearing. The statement was more brief than I expected and rather sterile. Like the difference between a cop's accident report and the experiences of a bloodied passenger?

I haven't seen that C in years. I didn't experience anthing like a "flashback" but I did have a migraine about 2 hrs post-meeting.

[sleeper]

The C's statement was dated my birthday.

And X texted me, "happy, happy birthday !", a couple of days ago on my birthday. She hasn't wished me happy birthday since over a year pre-bomb.